It’s not like she’s horrible to me. 

It’s not like every time we talk, she ridicules me or makes me want to cry.

But it’s almost every time.

Is that bad?

It feels like I’m overreacting, but what if I’m not?

She would be heartbroken to know how much I hurt 

when she talks to me like that,

but at the same time…

how else does she expect me to feel 

when she tells me 

the things she says?

She doesn’t mean to make me cry, 

she doesn’t mean to hurt me with every word 

she speaks, 

but the result is the same.

And now, it’s at the point where

I avoid talking to her, 

whenever I can.

I don’t want to be told off 

for something I didn’t even know I did;

I don’t want to be told how 

I look fat in that dress, 

when I feel beautiful.

I don’t want to be told that 

I’m irresponsible,

I’m selfish,

I’m ungrateful.

But what if she’s right?

I don’t think she is, 

but when you hear it a certain 

number of times…

Eventually, 

you believe it.

And yet,

she would hate if she knew.

She would never want to make me feel like this, 

and all she would need to do is say

‘Darling, I’m sorry. I love you.’

And then, 

all would be forgiven.

Or at least, 

forgiven until the next time she

hurts me with her words.

I love her dearly, but God she makes me want to die.

Isn’t that a sad thing?

That I can’t just love her?

But that I can’t just hate her either?

Instead, 

I’m stuck in limbo, 

crying over her whilst she 

doesn’t even know.