Loukas bite down on his lower lip, as he wondered whether or not he was making the right decision. 

He was not.

His eyes gazed upon a picture of a crudely drawn demon with long longs and a mouth full of sharp teeth, in what he prayed was red ink. He hastily turned the page as his guilty heart thumped in his chest.

The library was thankfully empty that day with everyone most likely organizing their own plans for that night with their friends. Only the occasional sound of the pens and pencils scraping against paper and pages being turned was present. His fingers brushed against the tight leather skin of the flesh coloured book. The sensation sent a shiver of general disgust down his spine. He was not sure if his currant companion not being a talkative type made this whole thing better, but for now, he was grateful that she was more focused on that book she had not torn her eyes from this entire 2 hours.

At last, Loukas came across the passage of his interest. He picked up the yellow highlighter to circle those very parts, he was not so good with memory and was fearful of forgetting the candle part of this. Specifically the part that the candles must be palm wax candles with a cotton wicks for some reason. 

He did not want to know what would happen if he used flameless candles.

The tall handsome young man nervously bit the end of his highlighter out habit at the nervous thoughts and doubts that entered his mind. 

He lifted his head to meet the eyes of the odd girl beside him and tapped the table to get her attention away from that book.

He did not want to be too much of a bother.

“Um, So um..." He started as the black-haired girl lifted her gaze to him, "You... Sure it wouldn't be too mad once I um... It gets here?” 

“No, there's a high chance it will be more than just mad,” she said as she passed a hand through her curly black hair, “Also, a chance it will use the opportunity to tear you apart.” 

Oh…

She lifted a brow at Loukas while he was immediately reconsidering many things. Such as maybe this was a bad idea.

No, it definitely was an awful idea, what was he thinking?

Carole sighed almost as if she was reading his mind, “Look, as long as you hold on to your cross and you took the proper precautions, you wouldn't get killed. Hurt maybe, but not killed.”

How was that supposed to make him feel any better?

Loukas picked up the leather-bound book given to him as he fumbled with the highlighter in his other hand. 

He never expected talking with the librarian would lead to an answer to his minor problem, but at least it was something. 

If he was, to be honest, the thought of death was not that scary. In fact, at this point, he only felt a cold numbness to the concept.

Maybe even preferable...

“Um... What, uh else am I supposed to be aware of in um…" The words came out with a thick hesitation, "demon summoning?”

He still felt a paranoia splash over him. He almost looked over his shoulder, anxious that his relative may hear what he had just said.

Even now, two months away from home at a more secular university, he was still fearful of saying the wrong thing. 

What if someone got mad at him for doing this?

It maybe was a silly thought, yet it was still an ever-present one that poisoned his determination.

Carole, with a hand under her chin, said, “Best have a rational mind on what you actually want here. Mixed desires or unclear wants can lead to this not working or giving you something else.”

"Um.. like what?"

"Death mostly"

"Oh, That's... not comforting..."

"I was supposed to be comforting you?" She genuinely sounded confused at the notion. Loukas knew well enough it was not out of any particular malice, more... She was not the most... Social person.

That does not sound too hard to do. It was not like he wanted anything else this badly. Truly he just wanted it all to stop and to finally be happy for once.

 Loukas at last decided tonight was his chance. So he gave her a nod and with eye harden with, for once, a frim choice he said, “Y-Yes I’ll… Do it.”

As he got out of his chair to head back to his dorm and gave Carole a thank you. He heard the girl say after him, “If you want to make this easier, you can get your friends or something for an escape route. It would be easier.”

“Um... Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind…” Loukas muttered not meeting her gaze before he gathered all his scattered things and hurried out of the building.

That suggestion ran through his head over and over again.

Friends?

He… He did not want to bother people…

Not that he particularly knew anyone that well enough for this.

If he was even more honest, Carole was the only person he felt as close to, and even then he was not going to ask her to help him out with this.

He had to take care of this on his own, plus he had a strong feeling she would turn him down.

Once he got what he wanted out of the demon then... 

Everything would be alright.

 He would deserve to be around people. 

To laugh with them, to enjoy the outings they had invited him to.

To be happy...

It would be nice.