Dharm

I didn’t hear from Neel after he stormed out of the café. When Josh came down, from his expression I knew the talk didn’t end up well. I messaged Neel but he kept me on read. He didn’t reply me back, nor picked up my calls. By the time I closed café, it was already 12:30 am but I wanted to meet him. I got on my bike and drove to his house.

I messaged him “I am your house”. After two minutes he read my message but didn’t reply. I stayed for a little more while in front of his house when I saw the door getting opened. He was standing, crossing his hands and me just standing by taking support on my bike.

He came out, he was wearing a white vest, a grey shrug over it and grey sweatpants.

“Why are you here late at night?” He said first after a little stretched silence that was there between us.

“Why didn’t you reply to my messages?” I countered him with another question.

“Because I was angry at you, not completely but still.” He answered.

“And why are you wearing a vest in this cold? Can’t you wear something thicker and warmer?” I asked another question, avoiding his question again. He was shivering a little while we were talking.

“I like to sleep in lighter cloths even in winter.” He answered while shivering. Oh god I really like him.

After what I think was another stretched silence, which happened because I was just staring at him, he broke it by saying,

“Listen, either come to my room or go to your house because it’s cold right here.” He said while rubbing his arm. “We can talk about it later.”

“Is you mom at home?” I asked. If I go in there, it would be first time being at Neel’s house.

“Yeah, she is, but she is a heavy sleeper. So, it won’t be a problem if you want to come in.”

“Let’s go then.”

…

I can’t much figure out his room as it was mostly dark. But he led me to his bed. Didn’t know what to do next, I just stood by his bed when he got himself covered with the heavy blanket he had on his bed.

“Scope in, it is very warm.” He pats the blanket where I could get in. I at least figured that his bed a little big for one person. When I got myself covered too, the sense of warm was just soothing. But I wanted to know what happened. So, I continued.

“What conversation did you had about?”

“He wanted to apologize for being a dick to me in school.”

“Because?”

“He is bisexual himself and now knows the how hurtful shit is which he spoke to me. And I am glad that he realised it.”

“So, did you forgive him?”

“No, I didn’t.” he said in plain tone.

“Why?” I was kind of surprised that he didn’t accepted his apology.

“Why apologize when you came to your sense after you went through the same?”

“But doesn’t everyone learn things when they go through something. He realised it and now he accepted it. Now he just wanted to apologize to you so that he can move on.”

“Does he really need my apology to move on? Really? And what you said is the main thing I somehow held back to accept his apology. When he realised that he himself is bisexual that’s why he came to sense that those shits are hurtful. Would he have apologized to me if he didn’t later find out that he is bisexual? If he was straight, would he had come to me to apologize?”

For this, even I didn’t have an answer. Would he had come back to Neel and apologized if he was still straight?

“And the main thing now…” he continued,

“He could have just accepted it and moved on. But now since he is apologizing to me, now all things have come down to me. If I accept it, I am a good person, if I don’t, then I am a bad person. And the whole thing shouldn’t be about this.”

I listened to him and I get what he was saying, even I behaved the same. When I heard he apologized, I immediately thought Neel would have accepted it. It should be his decision to either accept or not accept his apology.

“And I am just too exhausted to discuss this.” This was his way of ending this discussion.

“Should I leave then?” I tried to get out of the blanket.

“You can stay if you want to. Its already past 1:30 am. My bed is enough for two persons.”

“I don’t want to burden you in any kind of way.”

“Well, I did burden you when I stayed at you house multiple times right?”

“No, you didn’t.” I quickly answered.

“Then same, you are not doing anything. Do you want change clothes? I have washed pair of mines and they might fit you.”
“Nah I am good; I will just remove this jacket and I am all good. Thanks for having me.” I smiled while saying it, but I don’t think he could see that.

“Good night Dharm.” Neel said.

“Good night Neel.” And with that our day ended. But I certainly didn’t think that my day would end up being on the bed of Neels. But its good. And I drifted of to sleep.