This chapter contains a flashback from a month ago before the scene on the Chapter One occured. Please be reminded that this chapter will also contain suicidal contents and words that could make you feel uneasy. Read it at your own risk. Take care of yourselves my precious readers.

I can always tell when a person is mad, disappointed or even insecured. The worst part is that I know deep inside-- no matter what I do, I can never feel those emotions. I wish I could also cry like those normal human beings but I couldn't. 

When I was 10 years old, my mother died because of a specific terminal illness. I was sitting beside her until she ran out of breath. I sighted how she struggled fighting for own breath. As she realized that she cannot stand the pain anymore, she gave up and just stared at me wearing her exhausted eyes. Her lips were pale but I still managed to read the last words from her lips.

I wish I never gave birth to you.

She quietly mouthed those words and a few seconds after that, I could already hear the sound of a machine bearing the tone of flatlines. Days after that, I could never hear my mother's voice again. 

I sighed as I recalled those indelible moments in my life. Those instant seconds in my life made me comprehend in the deepest thoughts of my mind that I'm not normal. 

Days after my mother's death, my father came back to pay respects at my mother's funeral. He was clenching his fist while letting his tears flow. His ears slowly turned reddish. That time, I wondered if I cried, would my ears also turn red like what happened when my father cried in front of my mother's coffin? 

He shedded tears for a few minutes. After that, my father stood up and went beside me. He was quiet for almost a minute but then he suddenly punched me in the face. I could feel his rage. At that moment, I knew why he gave me that one revengeful punch. I could hear how the other visitors started to murmur negative matters about me and my father.

" Why don't you mourn for your mother's death? Are you really that emotionless? You couldn't even show a little bit of grief to your mother's death! Are you a robot? Are you really a human?  " 

My father continuously dropped those questions… The questions, even I, couldn't answer. 

That moment, I just stared at him. I felt nothing… not even emptiness.

There is a big difference between feeling "nothing" and feeling "empty"... and maybe, I was the only living human being who could differentiate those two sentiments.

I realized that I've been staring at the mirror for almost 20 minutes. While recalling those fragments of memories, I was practicing some facial expressions. 

I must do a lot of rehearsals. Sometimes, I forget what expression I should wear when I communicate with someone. There was a time when I congratulated my classmate and accidentally wore an emotionless face. They thought I was bitter about Kai's championship. His friends who saw how I wore an emotionless expression, intentionally spread a lot of pointless rumors about me. 

I chuckled… as I, again, recalled a momentous piece of time in my life.

I couldn't help myself anymore so I just decided to go out and visit the beach. The news announced that there will be a storm. Reporter Chua advised the citizens to avoid going near seashores, yet, here I am walking and travelling to the beach which is only 10 minutes away from home if I will walk. 

I was wearing a black hoodie and dark green knee-length shorts. I could feel the cold breeze meeting my legs. As I took another step towards the beach, I could feel plenty of sand entering my shoes. 

At this moment, something hit on my verge of thoughts-- I should have worn slippers. Why did I even wear rubber shoes?

Under those cumulonimbus clouds presented by the sky, I could finally watch the waves of the beach and let my sense of smell catch the briny scent of the sea. Perceiving my mind with the thoughts of a sedative natural environment, a figure caught my attention.

It was a man… continuously yet slowly making steps towards the deep part of the sea. I placidly stared at the man as the level of water already reached the level of his shoulders.

Is he trying to kill himself?

Human beings are defined as an individual that bears a greater intelligence quotient than any other living thing in this world… that was the conclusion of countless scientists as they conducted a lot of research about the existence of humanity. 

Unfortunately, they failed to add one more important detail in humanity's description. Out of all existing living things, human beings are the most fragile species. They have the greatest number of suicidal cases and they have the ability to end their own lives.

Here I am, witnessing a human being, haltingly trying to kill himself with the colossal greetings of the waves. 

I smirked as I realized that I've been waiting for this moment. If that man successfully drowns himself in this sea, I could finally test myself again if I could feel remorse for someone's death.

As I was waiting for his death, I was continuously and heedlessly murmuring the word "die". He took another step, the water already reached the level of his chin. 

One more step… he could already triumphantly drown himself. 

" No… No-- Riko stop! Please don't! " 

The man was about to take another step when a woman pleadingly shouted those words at the top of her lungs. She was wearing a white dress and her curly hair completely matched with the dancing air of the atmosphere. The man stared at the woman and as he gazed through the woman's area, I could see his tears running down through his bruised cheeks. 

A wave was about to eat his whole body but he had managed to escape death. 

My expectations of the man's death suddenly crumbled into pieces. 

After a few minutes, I could hear a few people arriving at this place. The environment suddenly became warm despite the cold breeze surrounding the beach. I felt disgusted with the warm environment. People were crying as if they were the ones who's about to end their lives. I was displeased with how they showered their affections to the man who was about to kill himself. 

I abruptly decided to leave the place. The seashore is gradually being filled with normal human beings. I wish they could just let the man die so that I could test myself again if I could feel remorse. Before I left, I glanced at the man, I saw his reddish aquiline nose and his puffy bruised cheeks. 

As his and my eyes met, I gave him a death glare as if he had offended me-- well he did offended me by not continuing his pathway to death.

His eyebrows claimed a curious expression. I know that he was confused about the death glare that I gave. 

Hereby, I grasped into my thoughts that I am really craving for something…

Something that I've already experienced 8 years ago…

Something that I witnessed when I was still 10 years of age… 

I am craving to witness someone's death…