The sun shining through the blinds woke me from slumber. From the lack of warmth next to me, I knew Jeff was already gone. He had work. He was a nursing assistant at the nearby hospital, tasked with checking in on patients and working alongside nurses and doctors. He worked the most ridiculous hours. I could never.

I needed to check my phone. With a stretch, I started looking for my phone. I knew I had left it in the pocket of my hoodie, so I got up and went into the laundry room. It was sitting on top of the dryer. I turned it on and checked my messages. There was one received an hour ago from Peter telling me to stop whoring around and get my ass back to the house before he reported me as a missing person. Even though I was an adult, there was no doubt that Peter would make me sound like a mentally ill patient to get the police to search for me.

With a yawn, I took everything out of the dryer. I wanted to eat before I left because I knew for a fact that there was nothing back home to eat even if I got Peter’s permission to have any of his things. While the last two slices of pizza were turning in the microwave, I changed into the now clean clothes. If I took too long to get home, the fucker would just turn me back at the door.

I ate the pizza and, like usual, found the house keys on the bedside table with four hundred dollars which I gratefully pocketed. I left the house, locked the door, and dropped the keys in the mailbox for when Jeff returned. Thankfully, it was warmer, because I had a few miles of walking to do to get home.

“Where have you been?” Peter demanded the second I entered the house.

“Here and there,” I answered, unzipping my hoodie once I was inside the house. Usually, he would have been at work already, but I knew better than to ask about it. Curiosity never got me anywhere.

“Diseased…”

“Mhm,” I hummed as I went off to my room. When I was younger, hearing my father call me such names used to bother me and make me want to curl up and cry. While they were still hurtful, they didn’t pack the same punch they used to.

I had classes to attend and, unfortunately, lots of catching up to do. If I hurried, I wouldn’t be all that late for my first class. I could deposit the money I got from Jeff into my bank account on the way. I brushed my teeth and poured myself a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Grabbing the necessary things, I was back out the house, Peter’s eyes following me right to the door.

I took the bus to the bank, and then to school. I’d missed a few days, so I needed to catch up on any assignments or notes I’d missed. For that, I usually went to Rikki, a girl who had more or less adopted me since the start of our last year of school. We shared most of our classes which made meeting up easy.

Rikki was a friend of mine. My only friend. One who’d had a crush on me at one point. At least I thought it was over with by now. She’d drunkenly admitted it to me months ago, but then I never heard of it again. She was like a mother hen, always concerned for me and always wanting to take care of me. I liked her because she didn’t take crap from anyone. I’d seen her roundhouse kick a guy who was trying to look up under her skirt. There was also her legendary right hook, too. She would be perfect for me if she wasn’t, well, a girl. She didn’t have the right genitalia to interest me regardless of how awesome I thought she was.

I went straight to my class, sneaking in and finding a seat at the very back. Once it ended, I tried to find her, but I didn’t have to look very far because she found me first.

“Zedikai!”

I flinched at the sound of her voice. Her wedge heels of a ridiculous height made a terrifying clunking sound on the tiles as she stomped her way over to me. Her maxi dress flowing in the wind and her high bun of light brown ringlets made her look gorgeous. I didn’t know how she managed to make a loose-fitting dress still show off her curves. Her orange eyeliner matched her neon heels and so did the ring on her middle finger. If only I was straight, dammit.

“Yes, Baby Girl?” I answered, cracking a smile. She blushed, which made me want to tease her more. “You’re looking pretty today. I mean, as usual.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Zed. I couldn’t reach you for three days. What happened?” she asked, her brows furrowed in concern.

“I left home for a few days and couldn’t call. I got back this morning and came right here.” We started walking towards the courtyard and I dropped my empty coffee cup in a notably empty bin. “You didn’t miss me too much, did you?”

She looked like she didn’t believe me. I was sure she could see through my bullshit excuses by now. “I did miss you.” She threw her arms around me.

Any guy who was a fan of boobs would be in heaven, but I just found them strangely comforting pressed against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her. “I’ll try not to disappear again.”

“That’s what you said the last time,” she mumbled. “And the time before that. What happens when you go off the grid like that?”

“I’ll tell you when I need to,” I told her. “Nothing to worry about though. It’s just something I have little control over like many of life’s hiccups.” I kissed the top of her curly head. “Now, can you help a guy out with some notes?”

While I copied her notes, she got us something to snack on. I wasn’t hungry, but I wasn’t in the habit of wasting food when it was freely given.

“You really need to do something with your hair,” she commented as we made our way to our class after having lunch.

“Look, I don’t keep it this length because I’m a fan of styling it,” I said, redoing the bun I always wore it in. It reached just past my shoulders, and I kept it that length unless I was too lazy to cut it.

“Then why?”

I smirked at her and adjusted my bag on my shoulder. I like having my hair pulled hard while I’m being railed in the ass. “A secret.”

It didn’t take me long to catch up on work missed this time around. It was as if the teachers knew I was having a hard time and decided not to have me come back to a mountain of work to do. There was a bit of reading and answering questions to do, but I took care of it before going home in case Peter was in one of his moods.

Peter was a mechanic, but since he hardly went to work as often as I thought he should, I was surprised he still had a job. I wasn’t stupid enough to ask about it though. I stayed out of his business, and he stayed out of mine. That excluded whenever he was drunk and turned my room inside out trying to find an excuse to kick me out again.

After school, I went home, but seeing as Peter had friends over and would rather I not be around those perverts, I walked to Jeff’s place. I never wanted to be around him when he was drunk anyways. He always picked on me more and while by now it was water off a duck’s back with me, he wouldn’t shut up about how much of a defective whore I was. Jeff would be more welcoming, and surprisingly, he was home.

“You should stop smoking,” he said, lowering himself into the seat next to me in his backyard.

After I got high last night, I needed something to fall back on so I wouldn’t go searching for that feeling again. A cigarette was better than snorting another line in my opinion. “You sure like telling me what to do,” I mumbled, exhaling a cloud of blue smoke. I didn’t mind it. If he told me in a more commanding tone, I’d probably be more inclined to obey. It would at least turn me on.

“I care. I don’t want you making the same mistakes I do.”

“I have an oral fixation, Jeff. It’s either this cigarette or a dick in my mouth.” I dropped the stub and stepped on it. There hadn’t been much of it left anyways.

“Come here.” Jeff tugged at my upper arm, and I got up to straddle him. “Are you in the mood?” he asked, sliding his hands up my thighs and around to my ass.

“I can be,” I told him, leaning in closer to rest my forehead against his and slowly grinding my ass into his hands. I was bored and if I wasn’t with Jeff, I’d probably be trying and failing to keep myself out of trouble. “On the condition that you fuck me like you mean it.”

His thick eyebrows furrowed, and he leaned back to look at me. “I don’t?”

“You know what I mean.” I narrowed my eyes and looked at him pointedly. “You’re too gentle. I want you to really fuck me. Make me scream loud enough to wake the neighbours.”

Jeff gave me a flat look.

“You know, I usually don’t have to ask guys to do their worst to me. They’d be gung-ho to have a boyfriend who can take it deep and hard without complaint. But then again, you were straight before I came along so maybe you aren’t as into me as you want me to believe.”

Jeff sighed heavily and squeezed my waist to halt my movements. “What you want is for me to hurt you. I’m not doing that.”

I’d seen the man knock someone out before. There was no way he wasn’t capable of fucking me the way I wanted him to. “But I like the hurt. Do you need me to make you angry?” I asked. I had a skill for that kind of thing if only because my mouth tended to start moving before my mind could catch up sometimes, which usually landed me in deep shit.

“Knock it off, Zed. Normal sex isn’t going to kill you. You get hard and finish either way.”

I rolled my eyes and got off him. Well, I tried. He had times when he’d rage-fuck me into his mattress. But that was only when he was pissed off and he needed a way to take that anger out. It was how I found out I liked choking on his dick. Afterwards, I could tell he felt bad because he’d watch me like a hawk, and if I so much as winced he’d be ready to tell me how he’d never do it again.

“Pussy,” I mumbled as I grabbed the handle of the back door to head back inside.

“What did you just call me?” he asked, eyebrows raised. “I know what you’re tryna’ do, and it won’t work.”

I gave him one of my mastered oblivious looks. “I’m not trying to do anything. It seems that maybe I’m going to have to go find another dick to ride since my boyfriend is too much of a wuss to fuck me like a man. Bye.” I pulled the door open and went inside, but I didn’t get very far. Jeff grabbed the back of my neck and started steering me through the house and into the bedroom. I reached back to push his hand away, but he grabbed my bun and yanked my head back.

“Pissed off yet?” I asked.

Jeff looked annoyed at the grin that slipped onto my face. “You’re kinda sick, you know that?”

“I thought you liked that I was defective,” I teased, sitting on the bed when he released my hair. “You were so willing to fuck me even after you found out about my condition after all,” I reminded him. “How old was I? Fourteen? Or was I fifteen?”

“Don’t make it sound like I have a thing for underage boys,” he said with clear disgust.

“Maybe not currently, but you wouldn’t have fucked me back then if you didn’t find me attractive. I’m not judging you, Jeff. I don’t regret that day like you do-”

“Get out.”

Right. Our history was a touchy subject for him. It wasn’t as if I hated him for it. I had consented to it after all, and I never looked back saying it was a mistake because I was young and horny and stupid. After accepting I was gay and realizing very quickly that my condition made me physically undesirable, I had curled up and cried like a little bitch at being rejected twice until Jeff found me. Back then, my father slept out a lot and Jeff would check on me to make sure I hadn’t burned the house down or something of the sort, so it wasn’t as if he came over to take advantage of me.

Being more of a father figure in my life than my father ever was, he stayed with me until my tears dried and listened to me blabber on about how disgusting two other guys had found my body and the mean things they had done to me because of it. I had bravely explained to him the reason, but Jeff wasn’t disgusted. He had already known I was born defective, having heard from Peter.

To be honest about what happened next, I’d have to confess I seduced him on purpose. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was the one who began teasing him every day. I’d lounge around the house half-naked whenever I knew he was coming to check on me, I’d touch myself in front of him, make sexual remarks and jokes. At first, it was just for fun. I didn’t realize how much I was affecting him until I caught him jerking off and saying my name.