Firecrackers. One word to describe this eccentric moment of ours. It was like something exploded in my brain.

My heart… I could feel it pumping more blood than usual. Still, Professor Shin's face was close to mine. I could feel his breathing and if I’m not mistaken, I could faintly hear his heart– beating so normally. Is this what he really wanted me to feel? This 1 centimeter distance… is it really appropriate for a professor to do things like this?

The classroom, filled with tables and chairs… 

The scent of the temporary marker that the Professor used on the white board… 

The light that keeps passing through the windows…

Still, I couldn't distract myself with other things. 

I can finally see it clearly… the finer details of his soft skin. I've always wanted to see his face closer than 5 meters away. But I couldn’t understand my heart, why is it beating so fast?

If I lean closer to him, would our lips really touch? Or would Professor Shin flinch and will he just move his body farther than the current distance? These questions kept slamming my mind and edging my deepest thoughts into an unfamiliar notion that I am currently experiencing right now. 

Few seconds had passed but it feels like Professor Shin and I have been staring at each other for hours. I saw how the corners of his lips slightly went up. Finally, he fixed himself and stood properly in front of me.

Wait… did I mention the word “Finally”? Why did I feel relieved when he began to move his face away from me? This isn’t the normal me. Conventionally, I would have enjoyed staring at his face. I would have started counting the number of his lower lashes and sought any scars from his face…

“ You’re being silent. I guess, I could consider your answer as ‘Yes’?” 

Professor Shin, gripping into his own words, made a decision on something that he probably knew that I was going to refuse. I never showcased my skills on music in this university. Therefore, I can tell that Professor Shin was just trying to tease me. Too bad, I am not someone who feels irritated about that kind of thing. 

All I can do is to wear a mask and do some expressions that I didn’t really feel.

“ I apologize again Professor Shin, I think I would be rejecting your offer. I can’t sing,” I contested while staring at his eyes. 

It was like I was staring at a different person. It was like the eye of a crow… a crow that has witnessed everything and knows all about the truth.This might be an exaggerated metaphor but I couldn’t forget the way he looked at me earlier…until now. I wonder what could’ve changed? 

I definitely knew that I could sing. My voice is kinda suitable for choir. The thing is, I always avoid myself to engage in something musical. It reminds me of the past– the sound of how my mother played the piano. How she taught me knowledge about music and how I used that knowledge to tutor someone years ago when I was struggling with my own financial problems– back that time when all of my relatives abandoned me like I was someone who was not supposed to exist in the first place.

“ My next session is already approaching. I have to go to my next class. Anyway, if you can’t sing, maybe you could start practicing playing the piano in your home again? Well, bye, I have to go now,” Professor Shin said while he was making an exit out of this room.

“ I can’t also play pia–” 

I cut off my own words. I was like someone who got poured by a pail of ice to the head. 

I heard the door closed. He walked out of this room before I could even finish my own words. But that’s not the reason why I am feeling these right now…

Did he just say “Maybe you could start practicing playing the piano in your home again”?

How did he know that I was playing piano before? How did he know that I have a piano in my house? Was he just bluffing?

No. Looking back on his facial expressions, it seems like he was not joking. He appeared like someone who just stated something truthfully. He blinked normally when he suggested that I should play piano again. Normally, when normal human beings state something that isn’t true,their eye blinking rate would decrease… Am I just overthinking? 

I never told anyone here in the university that I can play musical instruments. I am confident that I never stated it in my essays.

Does he know something?

I stood up as I felt like I was going to vomit. I ran towards the door.

The comfort room is just 56 steps away from our classroom. I can still hold this…

As I opened the door, a familiar figure showed up. That light brown upturned eyes that he owns suffocated me… 

I couldn’t manage to make an exit. Riko was blocking the way. This is bad.

“ Mm… you’re Juno right? Professor Shin assigned me to give these musical sheets to you. Can I ask about your– wait, are you okay?” 

Riko, waving his right hand in front of my face, caused me to see those long slender fingers of his. That damned body figure blocking my pathway to walk outside the room. He touched my face and checked my temperature.

“ Would you like me to accompany you to the clini–”

That’s it. I puked on his clothes.

B*llsh*t.