Satan, dressed in a stylish dark-grey leather flight suit, headed down a black tunnel. He was in earth’s dimension, albeit underground. After a five-minute journey on his wheeled feet, he emerged into a wide, well lit, cavernous chamber deep underneath the surface of the earth. With great pride he surveyed the shiny, sleek spaceship standing upright on its rocket thrusters. It had room for only one occupant.

“I designed a beautiful ship, admiral,” remarked Satan to a demonic being standing at attention nearby. “We’ve come a long way since the round saucer days.”

“Yes, we have,” answered the man-shaped fallen angel in his dark blue admiral’s uniform. “Safe trip, oh angel of light.” He watched Satan climb up the mobile metal staircase to the ship’s entry hatch.

“Route me through Iowa this time. And send the team out to make more crop circles. We haven’t done that in a while.”

“Yes, sir.”

Satan clambered into his space capsule and strapped himself in. He had materialized himself enough to be propelled along by the momentum of the spaceship. He had a long journey to make and didn’t want to waste his own evil energy on it. This way seemed easier. Plus, it had the added benefit of perpetuating a lie he had been planting for the last hundred years or so.

Although heaven and hell were technically in the same dimension, they were very far apart. Traveling from the hellish side of things to get to the heavenly realm took a lot of time. Going through the dimension that contained earth was a good shortcut. Unfortunately, there were no more portals to heaven located on earth that Satan could access. Ever since Jesus washed the spot clean in heaven where Satan stood before God, Satan’s visits there had been greatly restricted. He used to be able to attend the convocation of the angels whenever he wanted. Now he needed an appointment. And the council had reduced him to using only the Heavenlink on the dark side of the moon. “They are such jerks,” he sighed to himself.

The admiral rolled the staircase out of the ship’s way. He went back to his console and pressed a button which closed the hatch over Satan’s head. He typed in some coordinates. The ship’s launch pad tilted 30 degrees downward and to the right until the nose of the ship lined up with one of the many holes carved into the cave’s rocky ceiling and walls. Another button raised a heat shield between the admiral and the ship. The heat shield was mostly for show. Fire never bothered any denizen of hell. The admiral began the countdown to launch.

“Five, four, three, two . . . we have ignition,” he announced into his headset which transmitted his voice into the speakers inside Satan’s helmet. The ship fired its rocket boosters and shot straight upwards into inky blackness, powering through a channel cut through the rock leading to the earth’s surface. A few minutes later, the ship popped out of a dirt-covered hole in a cornfield in Iowa, taking some cornstalks with it. Cows grazing nearby looked up to see what the noise was about, and then went back to chewing their cud.  

Up, up, up into space the vehicle soared, roaring through the skies and toward the dark side of the moon that never sees Earth’s face. After a bumpy ride, Satan approached the huge HeavenLink located there. It was big enough to pilot his entire ship through to the heavenly dimension. As the ship spiraled through the portal, Satan could feel himself getting queasy. It wasn’t so much the rolling motion as the anticipation of being in God’s realm. It brought back memories. Bad ones.

“Wake up!” shouted a small demon to his partner manning the other side of this particular portal. “He’s here. Snap to!” Both demons, shaped like orangutans, quickly secured the ship and helped Satan climb out of it. “Your most foulness, welcome.”

“Here,” muttered Satan pulling off his silver gloves and handing them to the first attendant. “I’ll be back soon. I can’t stand to be in this environment for very long.”

“Of course, your ugliness.”

As Satan rolled out of his landing dock on his wheeled feet, he saw his greeting party. A small army of cherubim—swords drawn and flaming, and wheels whirring—were there to greet the evil prince and to escort him up the street towards Gabriel’s office. Adoram oversaw the procession. It was always his job to keep Satan corralled for these heavenly visits.

“How was the trip?”

“Long,” said Satan, looking around at heaven and all its glory. He hadn’t been here in a while. “I still don’t know why you won’t let me use the portals on earth.”

“Because the good angels don’t like being anywhere near you. I don’t blame them. You’re pretty horrifying. And it wasn’t me. It was the council who made the final decision. You know that.”

Satan turned his face toward the higher-ranking angel, and spat, “How long have you known about this boy?”

“Rodney? Only since Sunday. What are you so worried about, Lucifer? Are you afraid that Rodney, having seen the spiritual realm will be inspired to fight against you? Are you worried he will become a great spiritual warrior?”

“That pathetic child? Never,” he said, keeping his cool. “No, I’m here to make a wager.”

“Again?” asked Adoram, incredulous at the hubris of his old acquaintance. “Oh, you who were the seal of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty, why do this? You were in Eden, the garden of God. You were the anointed cherub. And now you come cowering before the throne of Grace to make pathetic wagers. You always lose these bets. Remember Job? And Joan of Arc? Or how about Ghandi? Or that man in Africa whose name is very hard to pronounce?”

“Yeah, it’s all clicks and clacks,” Satan laughed.

“That’s him! Anyway, the list goes on and on. I can’t even count how many times you’ve lost.”

“I’ll win eventually,” said Satan, nonplussed.

“No, you won’t!” said Adoram, vehemently. Then, more calmly: “This all ends with you being thrown into a lake of fire. You’ve read the Bible. You know that.”

  “I know no such thing. The Bible is full of lies. And anyway, I can’t just give up now, can I?” asked Satan smoothly. “What would be the fun in that? Skip that whole epic battle? Poppycock!” Satan waved his hand dismissively at the thought.

By now the two creatures had made their way up to the door of Gabriel’s cottage. “He’s expecting you,” said Adoram. “God told him you were coming.”

“You know that whole omniscient, omnipresent thing really isn’t sporting.”

“Hey, nobody said you had to get all proud-hearted and power-hungry because of your beauty and start a revolution. You corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor. I told you back then that it was going to get you kicked out.”

“You always were a buzzkill,” Satan said over his shoulder as he strode arrogantly into the entryway of Gabriel’s palace.

 Adoram noticed a choir of angels standing along the staircase ready to sing. Gabriel was in the doorway of his office, towering over the prince of the earth. “Long time no see, Belial,” he commented as Satan entered his office.

“Those choir angels better keep their yaps shut while I’m here,” he snorted while settling himself onto the high couch. “Is this Earl Grey tea? You know I hate tisanes.”

“Nothing herbal for you, I remember,” said Gabriel sitting down next to him and motioning for Adoram to take a chair next to them.

“Here’s the deal,” Satan blurted out. “If I can turn Rodney against God, I get another thousand years to rule earth before He returns.”

“What no ‘Hello, Gabriel. How’ve you been Gabriel? Sorry about that whole rebellion I led’? Oh Beelzebub, you never change. Why do you think the free will that God gave to people will always work in your favor?”

“Because most of the time, people choose not to believe in Him—or me, for that matter, which makes my job easy.”

“Yes, but when they do choose to believe, their love for God is deeper and truer than any forced honor ever could be. But you wouldn’t know anything about that. You rule through fear and deception. No one truly loves you.”

“Oh, I hate coming here,” sighed Satan, rolling his eyes. “So, let’s just make this deal and let me get out of here before any praise songs start up.” Satan eyed the choir nervously.

“They’re just here to make sure you leave on time,” said Gabriel. “What does our side get if Rodney resists you completely?”

“Another very strong saint who has been tested in the fire who will be loyal to God unto the end.”

Gabriel paused dramatically and then finally announced, “I have been authorized to tell you that you have seven days.”

“Starting tomorrow,” added Satan.

“Right. You may only tempt Rodney once per day. Each temptation session must be an hour or less.”

“Fine,” sighed Satan taking a sip of tea from his cup.

“Then we have a deal,” announced Gabriel. Time for you to go now.”

Adoram, from his wingback chair, smiled toward the choir and said, “I feel a Beethoven hymn coming on.”

Satan clapped his hands over his ears and yelled, “Ahhhhhhh, I can’t hear you,” as he wheeled out of the room, out the door of the palace, and out of the front garden of the cottage. He kept his hands over his ears all the way back down the street toward his landing dock, chased by an army of cherubim.

To Adoram, Gabriel said, “You should probably get down there and watch Rodney’s back. The Evil One won’t win, but he’s good at what he does. Seven days of temptation and condemnation from him is hard to resist. Help Rodney stay focused on Jesus and His redeeming blood. Remind the boy of the power of the righteousness imputed to him through Jesus’ death. Teach him that all of his sins are forgiven—past and present and future—so that he can walk in faith. And make sure he doesn’t fall off a cliff or anything.”