Even on the way there, I could still see people staring at me. Despite being naturalized, I still felt like a foreigner at times.

But when I walked into the group, which was located in an empty space in a ramen shop in Kanda, the coziness made me feel more at ease. It was one of those more chill places, so there wasn’t much noise in the background. I saw four men's heads as I approached. As I went through all their faces, I almost fell out. One of the faces I saw...was Keiji. He stared at me, unblinking. “Hi,” he said.

“Hello.”

The rest of the men murmured their hello’s back. I sat down at the end.

One of the men, a stocky dude with glasses, leaned in to say, “the moderator said he’ll be back in a minute. He’s also gonna pay for our food.”

“Really?” I said back. I didn’t think I would get to have free ramen while talking about how much dick I’ve sucked. Oh yeah, and the nightmares.

Soon the man known as the moderator showed up. He was a tall, older man with gelled back hair. He wore a simple blazer with a white button-down shirt. He looked ordinary, but as he sat down at the end of the table, pulling up a chair, I could see his eyes more closely. They almost looked like a mixed hue of brown and red.

Red eyes? I had to be tripping.

He looked over at all of us. I think everybody else was just as speechless as I was.

“Hello. My name is Yamanaka Kazuto. I’m looking forward to hearing you speak. A little about myself. I work in psychology and have listened to men for many years about their struggles with sexuality and helped them to confront their issues head-on in order to live their lives in peace.”

Live their life in peace. I ran that back in my head a few times. In the midst of working in the nightlife scene, there was a part of me that craved something less hectic and loud.

“Now… I would love for everyone to introduce themselves. If you’re a little nervous you can just say your name and you’ll get to tell us more about yourself over time. Who would like to go first?”

The stocky guy raised his hand. “Hello!” Damn, he’s loud as hell, I thought.

“My name is Zenigata Yousuke. I’ve worked on a few video games as a freelancer, so I’m stuck at home a lot, just thinking about sex and--”

“Sorry,” Kazuto jumped in, then he looked to his side. “I believe our ramen is about to be served to us.”

Zenigata--or Z as I’ve now labeled him in my head--suddenly got cheery. A server brought out our bowls. Kazuto was even helping.

We all received tonkatsu ramen. Fuck yes. My favorite. We also had drinks. Sake! How much money did this dude have? He’s about to really have us open up.

“Alright, alright.” All the others started slurping their shit down. I hadn’t even got to crack my chopsticks away. I had a taste of noodles alongside some of the tonkatsu. Damn, this ramen was good though.

The next guy started speaking. “My name is Tsukiyama.” He looked down and kept slurping up his ramen. He had licked his lips of soy sauce. I just kept staring at his mouth. He looked like a regular-ass salaryman. I’m surprised he had the time to come here. He met eyes with me for a split second, then went right back to his ramen.

Then he spoke. “I’m Keiji Katsuragi. Glad to meet all of you.” He looked dead in my face when he said that shit. Are you fucking kidding me, I wanted to scream.

The next guy, sitting in front of me, moved his bowl an inch. “My name is Rino Haruki.” He gave a quick smile. I thought he was kinda cute and he looked like he could’ve been around my age. The others might’ve thought so too because they were eager to say hey to him.

I continued to eat my ramen and felt someone tapping on my forearm. It was Z.

“Hey, you didn’t get to introduce yourself!”

Why is my mans shouting? I thought angrily. I saw Yamanaka eyeing me. “When you’re ready,” he said, almost cheekily.

I’m a stripper, my mind raced. Why the hell am I getting nervous?

I swallowed the ramen I had in my mouth. “Hello. My name is Rodrigo Yoshida. But I go by Angel.” I said the romanized version, Enjeru.

“Why is that?” Keiji said.

I tried not to give him a death glare. I tried to fight the regret I had of me giving out my stripper name. “A nickname I was given by friends.”

“Because you’re like an angel?” Z asked.

I faked a laugh. “I guess so.”

“He dances,” Keiji said.

The group perked up at me.

“You dance?” Yamanaka smiled at me.

I stopped playing around with my chopsticks. “In Shinjuku.” I looked away, just staring at my ramen.

“Oh,” I heard someone say.

“This is a judgment-free zone,” Kazuto--I kept using his name interchangeably--said, “We are going to talk about our issues with our sexuality. I can start.”

We all stopped eating to look at him. I heard Z next to me gasp.

This was going to be a long one.