"Fuck, Bo, please just hear me out," he begged, the pain in his eyes appearing genuine. "I promise you, it's not what you're thinking. That guy is in town to interview me for a spot in a bridge program at a school in Boston. I applied for it before I ever met you, and I swear to god, I never thought I'd get it--I still may not! I didn't want to worry you until I knew more, so I decided against telling you about it. I am so fucking sorry, baby. But listen, I can prove it, okay? I have the emails and everyth--"

"Boston? You're moving to Boston?" I interrupted, refusing to believe what I was hearing. "Why would you ask me out--tell me you fucking love me--when you know you might be leaving town altogether? What the fuck, Connor? I don't need the proof, I believe you, but what the fucking fuck?!"

"I didn't want to miss out on a chance with you, Bo," he confessed, his eyes glistening with tears. "You mean so fucking much to me, and I want to be with you more than anything. I mean it when I say that I love you! Listen, if I get into this program, we can figure it out. People do long-distance relationships all the time! It can work!"

"How long is this program, Connor?" I asked hesitantly, my stomach in knots. I wasn't sure that I wanted to know the answer.

"I would start next year, and I would stay until I complete my Master's," he whispered, running a shaking hand through his disheveled hair.

"Years. You'll be gone for years," I deadpanned. I looked up at the ceiling as I began to laugh manically, in complete and utter disbelief of my seemingly never ending shit luck.

"You could come with me!" Connor suggested, clearly beginning to panic. "You could live with me, baby! It could be fun..."

"I still have years left here, and transferring college credits isn't as easy as you're making it out to be. Bridge programs are the exception, and you know that," I lectured, breathing deeply to stem the creeping panic attack that I knew was coming. "Why don't you stay here? You could get into a Master's program that's closer, and we could stay together."

"I told you about what happened to Jonah, Bo. Ever since he passed and I went to therapy, I knew that I had to go to school to help kids in his situation. BU is one of the best schools in the country, so I have to take this opportunity if it's offered to me. It's been the plan all along," he said matter-of-factly, pushing down the emotion in his voice.

"I'm not telling you not to pursue your dream, Connor. I just think you could do it nearby. You don't even need the money, so why?! Fuck! Jonah is dead, but I'm not! I'm here, and I fucking love you! Why isn't that enough?" I sobbed, throwing my face into my hands.

"I don't know what to tell you, Bo," Connor cried, pulling me into a hug. "I love you, but this is something I need to do. Again, I don't even know if I'll get in, so why don't we just cross that bridge when we come to it?"

"You'll get it. You're incredible, and the interviewer would have to be a fucking idiot not to see that," I mumbled into Connor's chest. "I need to go--"

"Don't do this, Bo," Connor pleaded as he cupped my face in his hands, staring desperately into my eyes. "I want you to stay. I love you."

I rested my hands on top of his for a moment before I gripped them tightly and placed them back in his lap. I leaned in and kissed Connor deeply, sucking his lip tenderly before pulling away. I choked back a sob, and in a hoarse, unsteady voice, I finally began to speak, "You love me, but not enough to choose me. I'm sorry, Connor, but I can't do this. The timing just isn't right for us now. Even though this fucking sucks, I'm glad it's happening sooner rather than later. I'd hate to know how broken I'd feel after a few more months of being lied to. Despite all of the bullshit drama with my parents, the past couple of months have been the best of my life, and it's all thanks to you. I love you so fucking much, Connor, but we're over."

I brushed a chaste kiss on his lips one more time, and stood up to leave. Connor seemed stunned into silence, tears escaping his eyes, a broken expression on his face.

I grabbed my jacket and opened the door before looking back one final time. Connor stood motionless as he silently mouthed, "I'm sorry."

"I know," I whispered back before stepping over the threshold and running down the stairs leading down to the parking lot. I didn't stop running until I got to my car, throwing myself violently into the driver's seat. I peeled out, afraid that I would lose my nerve if I slowed down, and sped in the direction of my house.

"FUCK!" I screamed, slamming my foot on the gas pedal. For months, through all of the drama and bullshit, Connor had been a bright light in the darkness--my rock. Now that our time together had been cut short, it was as if months of despair and anguish flooded into me all at once. I felt empty, unwanted, and insecure, desperately wondering what was so wrong with me that everyone I loved eventually chose to leave.

Maybe this is karma, I thought. I bet this is how Addie felt.

By the time I reached my apartment, I was drowning in self-loathing. I opened the door to the sound of the shower running, relieved to know that Clif wouldn't start hammering me with questions just yet. I took off my coat and headed straight for the kitchen to pour myself a drink. We had just purchased a new bottle of vodka with the intention of celebrating once midterms were over, so I pulled it off the shelf and cracked it open before pouring myself a shot. One shot became two, then three, and so on until Clif finally walked in the room.

"Bo! Holy shit, slow down!" Clif shouted, pulling the bottle, which was much lighter now, out of my hands. "Are you okay? What happened at Connor's?"

I started laughing as I began to move toward the living room, holding on to the wall for balance. Tears continued to roll down my face and I started to mumble, slurring my words, "Well, Clif, I'll tell you what happened. I broke up with him! He wasn't fucking someone else, though, so there's that, I guess. Oh yeah, he's moving to Boston. That guy was here to interview Connor for a spot at his fucking dream school or something."

"He's moving to Boston? What the fuck? Why did he try to start something serious with you if he knew he was just going to leave?!"

"That's what I said!" I laughed again, plopping down on the sofa. When Clif sat down next to me, I decided to get comfortable and laid my head, which was beginning to spin, in his lap. I curled my body into a ball, pulling my limbs in on myself, as I felt my friend run his fingers through my hair. I looked up at my him and instantly recognized the concerned expression on his face. In my emotional and inebriated state, all I could think about in that moment was how Clif was the only person I could ever truly trust and rely on. "You won't leave me, will you?"

"What kind of question is that?" Clif asked quietly, gently massaging my scalp in an effort to calm me down. "Of course I won't leave you. I love you, man! You know that."

"You love me?" I contemplated out loud. Someone loves me. Possessed by alcohol and grief, I sat up and climbed into Clif's lap, straddling him between my legs, and leaned in to kiss him.

"Bo! Hey, wait! Listen, you aren't in your right mind right now, okay? I don't think this is a good idea," Clif reasoned, placing his hands on my chest to stop me from advancing further.

"Y-you love me, Clif! You just said so!" I argued, grinding lasciviously on my friend. "You're the only one who's ever there for me. You're all I need."

"Oh, Bo," Clif sighed, pulling me into a tight hug. His embrace was soothing, and even though I wanted to break out initially, I ended up allowing myself to relax in his hold. As I sat there, wrapped in Clif's arms, he whispered softly into my ear, "I do love you, and because I love you, I won't lie to you. When you came out, it did make me see you in a new light. It's confusing, but it's not because you're a guy, okay? It's because you're my best friend, and I don't want to fuck that up. Despite all of that, even if I wanted to throw caution to the wind and fuck you, it wouldn't be right now. Not when you're shitfaced and crying over the ex-boyfriend you're definitely still in love with. That wouldn't be fair to either of us. Now, let's get you to bed."

Clif lifted me up with ease and began carrying me to my bedroom. He pulled the comforter and sheets back on my bed with the hand that wasn't holding me, peeling my body off of his and laying me down. Only somewhat able to process what he had told me, I peeked up at him through my heavy eyelids and tried to apologize, "I'm sorry, Clif. I'm the worst. Please don't be mad at me for tonight. I won't do it again. Just don't leave me, okay? Please?"

"Bo, I will never leave you. Ever. Go to sleep, and we'll talk in the morning," Clif reassured as he pulled the covers over me, enveloping me in familiar warmth.

"Okay, Clif. G'night," I muttered as my lids finally shut, the world fading to black.