One magical doorway involving a rune, a pod trip, and a hot shower later, I’m sitting in my bed in my boxers, eyes drifting automatically to my coat. I’ve sobered up some but still feel warm inside, a pleasant warmth. I lie in bed thinking about what Hamid told me. I don’t actually like Alex, do I?

I mean sure, he’s attractive and I find myself staring at him during training a lot. And yeah I find myself constantly wanting his appraisal. But that doesn’t mean I like him, right? He’s just my instructor. How do I even tell?

This is stupid. I have better things to be worrying about. So why can’t I stop thinking about him? I groan and chuck a pillow at the wall. The more I imagine him and his stormy gray eyes, the more I want to see them, the more I want to see them break into a smile, like last night.

Lately I’ve been acting a lot on impulse. And most of the time it ends me up in a lot of trouble. But, like today, sometimes being impulsive is a good thing. If I second guess everything I fucking do, I’ll never end up doing anything with my life.

I want to see him, I think. Maybe then I’ll be able to figure this out for myself. It’s not like it could ever go anywhere anyways. But maybe I can learn something about myself if I do.

It’s late, around midnight, when I pull myself out of bed. I throw some clean clothes on and slip on my coat, grateful for its warmth. I don’t know if Alex is even there tonight, but I walk anyway, with only my headphones and a foolish hope stirring in me.

But I’m alone. After stuffing down my disappointment, I sink to the floor in the darkness of the training room. I don’t want to go back to my room empty handed. Maybe, if I stay here, I can dissolve into the dark. Then I won’t have to worry about anything at all.

The lights flicker on and I freeze like a deer in headlights. As if on cue, Alex walks in and shakes his hair out underneath his hood, now wet with rain. He spots me and blinks in surprise.

“Aiden,” he says. Something about his tone makes my stomach flip with butterflies. No, I think and shove them back down. He clears his throat and corrects himself with a professional firmness.

“Brooks. Didn’t think you were here yet.” Yet. Was he expecting me like I was expecting him? No. It’s stupid to think like that. I shrug off my coat and get to my feet.

“I actually just got here.”

“I can see that. Is dwelling in the dark a new passion of yours or were you just recently turned into a vampire?”

I look blankly back at Alex. Did he just joke? Did I hear that correctly? 

“That’s something coming from the brooding man.”

“Brooding?” he asks, a hint of a smirk playing at his lips. That warm feeling came back tenfold but I refused to let it show. I lean casually against the wall behind me, slip my thumbs under the waistband of my sweats.

“Yeah. That’s your thing. You just ooze tall, dark, mysterious sex appeal.”

“Sex appeal?” He asks with both brows raised. I roll my eyes and push myself off the wall, closing the space between us slightly.

“That was a joke.” Can’t let that shit get to his head. A sly smile creeps wider on his lips and I rip my eyes away to calm down. It’s Amy’s fault. Now all I can think about is him. Him and his muscles and does he have tattoos all over? I wonder what they feel like if I were to run my fingers over them.

“You got a coat,” he observes, looking at the floor where it now sits. 

“Went shopping with some friends. Needed a coat.”

“No need to get so defensive. Just an observation.”

“I thought you weren’t going to show up today.”

“Is that why you looked so disappointed?”

“Shut up.”

I realize the error of my ways immediately as those words leave my lips. He looks at me in both amusement and something murderous.

“Shut up?”

“I didn’t mean it!” I rush to say but it’s too late. Sometimes I forget he’s my instructor. This is one of those times.

“Brooks,” he says calmly. But an ice-cold chill rolls down my spine. I don’t answer. I’m too busy fearing for my life. “Get over here.”

I have two options: run away or die trying. So when I find motion in my limbs again, I make a break for it. I get two feet in before tripping over my own shoelaces yet again and crash into the floor. I felt a piece of my soul and dignity disintegrate on the spot. Alex walks slowly, crouches in front of me. This is it. I’m dead.

“Brooks,” he says again and I look up apprehensively.

“Yes, sir?”

“You’re a goddamn idiot.”

“I believe that’s been established already, sir.”

He nods and straightens back up.

“Tie those shoes and get on your feet. You here to nap or train?”

“A little bit of both.”

“Keep acting smart with me,” he says. “See what happens.” I know that isn’t a threat to take lightly but there’s a smile, a warm smile hinted on his features. So I test my luck after getting to my feet. 

“Smart? You think I’m smart?” I boast a grin and Alex rolls his eyes. Then he steps on my shoelaces and I lose my balance, falling face first on the mat again. I groan and roll over to face him.

“You jerk,” I say but it doesn’t come out as harsh as I intended because Alex is laughing. It’s not a vicious laugh or a demeaning one. It’s lighthearted. And it makes his gray eyes light up in their crescent moon smiles.

I tie my shoelaces and get back to my feet. He’s already in a fighting stance. Actually, it seems to be his natural resting state. He looks completely relaxed, ready to kill without fully tensing a muscle.

“Tomorrow we’re doing more combat training. Show me if you’ve learned anything, kid.”

“Kid?” I ask, raising my fists and widening my step. “I’m not a kid.”

“Prove it then,” he says. I tense, feeling my emotions building up. I try to control them. Inhale slowly. Exhale slower. I can’t let my anger control the fights anymore. It’s never worked in the past and it won’t work now. I need to think strategy. Clear my head. Think like a soldier.

Alex leaves an opening. On purpose no doubt. I can tell he wants to see if I spot it. I do. And I throw a quick punch in that area, but put more strength behind my second punch, which lands an inch before his stomach. He raises his eyebrows. A small twitch of his lips tells me he’s pleased. I draw back and cover myself, careful not to leave too many openings.

“Good. But you can do better. Show me,” he says again.

We go back and forth. He lets me find his openings and attack. He blocks easily and tells me what I did right or wrong. I’m breathless and sweating by the time we switch roles, but I feel like every cell in my body is humming with life. I feel fully awake now.

Alex is on the offense now and I try to block but have more trouble with this part. I leave too much of myself unguarded. And he’s fast. This time Alex doesn’t pull his punches. He doesn’t hit hard but applies enough pressure for me to be aware of where my openings are. I alter my positioning each time.

We go back and forth like this for hours, not stopping until my legs buckle from exhaustion. I stay down for a moment, catching my breath.

“So?” I ask when I can breathe again. Alex helps me to my feet and I brush myself off. “How’d I do?”

“Terrible,” he says but there’s laughter in those eyes. I smirk.

“One day I’m going to beat you, Alex. Mark my words.”

“We’ll see about that, kid. And it’s sir to you.” 

“I’m not a kid,” I tell him again. “I’m twenty one.”

“Hm,” he hums. He crosses his arms over his chest. “I guess not. You still have a lot to learn though.”

“That I know. Hey, how old are you anyway?” I ask. My curiosity, like always, gets the better of me. Alex looks startled at my question.

“And why would you be interested in that sort of information?” He asks, more surprised than offended. I feel my cheeks burn but I stand my ground.

“Is curiosity a sin?”

“Depends on who you ask,” Alex replies. His eyes travel past me, toward the opposite wall. I wonder if there are cameras and wiretaps here too. I wouldn’t put it past these people.

“Watch your tongue, Brooks,” he warns me. But I’m not intimidated. I’m eager. I can’t help but feel like no one has ever tried to get this close to Alex. And thinking that I’m one of the few who can see this side of him… it lights something inside of me.

“I am,” I say smugly.

“Try harder,” he tells me sternly. He turns and begins walking toward the door.

“Wait, Alex!” Alex turns around and burns a hole through me with just a look. I ignore his expression, words already flying out of my mouth before I can even try to stop them. “You didn’t answer the question.” He rolls his eyes and turns back around.

“I’m older,” he says sharply. I hold my breath until he’s out of the door. Before he closes it, however, he looks back my way and adds, “But not by much.” He stands there for a second, looking a little hesitant. Then he swivels on the balls of his feet and disappears into the night.

I’m left alone in the training room, with rosy cheeks and a stupid smile on my face. Oh no, I think to myself as my heart beats wildly in my chest. I feel warm with eagerness, with happiness, with hope. I’m screwed.

I’m so screwed.

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