I do enjoy taking walks. Especially when the air is crisp and I can pretend to be a dragon, roaring with my smokey breath. Although I must admit, normally when I take these walks I tend to wear more than a short black dress. Pretty glad I have converse on though. Nothing worse than stumbling around in heels when all you wanna do is race home and jump in a burning shower. Scrape off all the grime from the night before and leave your skin burning bright red, hell maybe even scrape a layer off and pretend that your shedding your skin and starting new. Untouched, unsullied, pure. This is a nice thought. I have to get home first, huffing and puffing as I practically sprint the last road to my apartment. I just want to hide away from the nosey morning people who walk around showing off how together their lives are. Some of us don't have everything figured out! Some of us are only up early because they can't sleep well during a hangover, or when the come down jolts them awake. The come down, whilst bringing me back to my senses also shows me the mistakes made the previous night. The morning taste of regret is familiar but bitter, you never really do get used to it. Maybe I'm punishing myself as some others would say.

"Your not stupid, you know what kind of situations your getting yourself into but for some reason you keep doing it." One friend said.

"Why do you like to hurt yourself? Look at you, your not happy but your still probably going to do the same thing tonight, right?" This was another friend. 

They think their helping me, telling me the hard truths but the thing is they don't really know the truth. They don't know anything. Hoe could they? They've not actually asked me what I think of anything. Of course I look misrbale the morning after. No one ever looks happy the morning after a night out before they've showered and fully come off everything taken the night before. Sure I make mistakes, but it's nothing I can't live with. Nothing a scolding shower can't fix.

Finally home, I dump my bag, rip my clothes off and practically race into the shower. There's something therapuetic abouth safely scolding your entire body at once. Feel the water run over your body, watch as the blood and gore turn the water a sickly colour as it drains away. I think this is my favourite part. Physically watching any mistakes or regrets made wash away. All evidence disapear down the drain. Untrackable, as if it never happened. I like to think it makes the world a better place, or at least it makes my world feel a little better. Although as the water returns to clear I find myself feeling kind of empty. In limbo maybe, except the water pounding into me is heavy and holds me down to earth. It's both a nice and horrible feeling. Kind of like when your finished and your putting on fresh clothes, I feel good that I look the part of a respectable, pretty girl but part of me also doesn't want to face the day.

Facing the day is always good, or is it good because its inevitable so I just lie to myself and say I must enjoy it because I must do it. Maybe I will go for a walk. Walks are always nice. Get some fresh air. Show the neighbours I'm more than just a dishevelled mess. Yes. Walks are good.