Haruto was doing the dishes while Nagomi was chilling on the sofa, switching channels on the TV. He rubbed his eyes, the drowsiness was slowly taking over his now ready tired eyes but he refused to go to bed until Haruto was done. 

This was their daily routine for almost more than 6 months, ever since they moved in together. 

Living together meant exposing themselves and even their most vulnerable side to the other in the process of trying to accept each other. But this also made Nagomi realise that Haruto was not just a person or a lover to him anymore, he was his everything now. Haruto was everything he could ask for a lover; understanding, supportive, loving and kind. 

Sometimes he was too kind for his good so for a person like Nagomi who had lived more than half of his life lonely and being betrayed, to the point it was getting overwhelming for him because the only thing he could find in himself was faults and imperfections. Maybe that's why when he thought things couldn't get any higher, it started going downhill. 

With growing time, their love for each other indeed got deeper but so did the Nagomis' insecurities. They say confidence and trust don't build overnight, but it wasn't Haruto that he couldn't trust the faith he had in Haruto was much more compared to the one he had in himself. The one he could no longer trust was himself. 

'It's not easy to get rid of monsters inside your head.' 

Plus, Nagomi's insecurities were not something that was born out of thin air, it was the result of what he saw and felt every day being with Haruto. The more time they spent together, the more he realised the gap between them. 

In every event, award shower even a small gathering, people flocked around Haruto and he was the centre of attention like it was the most natural thing to him. They were attracted to his charisma while Nagomi was someone whom others won't even glance at twice if it wasn't for his music and fame. 

Not that it bothered him or anything, after all, Harutos' presence was everything to him. And he had always been alone anyway but acknowledging the fact doesn't make it any better. 

And every night he snuggled into Haruto's arms while receiving kisses on his forehead because the thing that mattered to him the most was not letting go of the warmth that he knows now of. 

                                 ****
"I will come soon." 
Nagomi said through the smile he cracked when Haruto placed a soft kiss on his forehead before seeing him off towards the door. 

Nagomi made an excuse of Haruto doing everything and not letting Nagomi help him to go outside and do the grocery shopping- but that was all an excuse to go and buy some lubricants and condoms. Because despite dating for more than half a year they had never crossed the line. 

And of course knowing Haruto, no matter how much he wanted to pass the next level of their relationship, he would never initiate it because he still feared Nagomi was not ready. So Nagomi had to take matters into his own hands. 

He was happily getting things he needed including groceries. He was in his world- happily picking out things until the things he overheard made him come to a sudden halt. It wasn't on purpose, they were being er all. 

"Isn't this new issue about BL?" 

"It seems so."
The girls flipped through the pages of the magazine. 

"Eww, how can two boys?" 
"Right, that's disgusting." 

As they flipped more pages, there was a picture of two boys with a proud smile and their son in between. The bottom of the picture wrote; "Happy family." 

"They call this a family? It's not even a normal family. A family has a mother, father and children, not two fathers."
One of the girls remarked with pure disgust on her face. 

"Yes, I you mean. It's outrageous to see them being delusional saying it's a family." 

That's when it hit Nagomi, what they had was not normal, the happiness he had been harbouring was nothing more than building a sandcastle and saying it would stand forever. 

But the worst part wasn't that, it was him knowing how much Haruto loved children. It was something he could never give to Haruto. 

"What would I do if Haruto wanted a child or a normal family?" 

Nagomi was gay from the beginning but Haruto wasn't. The guilt of bringing him to 'this side' was already there and now the incompetence of not being able to give him a normal family started to eat him from inside. 

"That's right, what we have isn't normal. It is not acceptable for society yet I pulled him to this site." He mumbled. 

With a heavy heart, he went back to his place, to their place. L