Ethan's heart was pounding in his chest and he wasn't sure how to calm himself down.

Things weren't making sense anymore and he had to wind down somehow, but with Hamilton right in front of him, doing his best to annoy him, and everyone else watching, he couldn't do it.

All he wanted to do was push Lucas away and leave the party, but that wasn't the ideal option, at least not at the moment.

"Do you really wanna start this here?"

Hamilton looked him up and down and raised his eyebrows. "Why not? Do you want to take it somewhere else?"

It was an invitation. Lucas wanted to fight and if Ethan didn't have a little more self-respect he would take him up on that offer there and then. But he had come home with bruises too many times for his parents to write it off as a 'fall' once more. They would get suspicious and then both of them would get in trouble.

Ethan wouldn't mind Hamilton getting in trouble, but it would make him come off as being scared of him, which was exactly what he didn't want.

"I just don't wanna ruin your night by messing up that pretty face of yours," Ethan snapped back and tried his best to paint a believable smirk on his face.

Lucas looked a bit taken aback by that, and Ethan wasn't sure why.

They had done this sort of petty fight plenty of times before and Hamilton never seemed to be upset at all about it. He seemed to just brush it off as Ethan's ramblings, but something about his expression looked different this time around.

He didn't look nearly as happy to get a reaction out of Ethan as he usually would.

And even though it probably made him a bad person, Ethan would continue taking advantage of that, because Lucas would probably do the same thing in his shoes. "Oh, come on, did I upset you by calling you pretty?"

Hamilton's lips twitched in anger and for a second Ethan thought that he was going to get punched there and then, but then nothing happened. They just stared at each other and the rest of the room stared at them, impatiently waiting for something exciting to happen.

For them, this was just another form of entertainment, but for Lucas and Ethan this was a battle for dignity, and the one who won would be able to go to bed satisfied.

"Be careful what you say," quietly, but surely, muttered Hamilton. "If you don't keep your mouth closed then I'll make sure to do something to keep it shut myself."

That was a comeback Ethan could work with. It was by no means good, and Ethan would take advantage of that.

"You know, you're really making it difficult for me to believe that you don't like me. I mean, first, you get all worked up because I called you pretty and now you want to keep my mouth shut? How are you planning on doing that?"

There was some sort of sexual innuendo there, but that definitely wasn't what Lucas was trying to say. Still, it sounded like it, and the other people in the room noticed it.

Then, before Lucas could finally slap that smirk off Ethan's face, Joshua dashed into the room and between them. "Oh, come on guys, again?"

Fraser was right behind him, his hair all worked up and a dissatisfied expression on his face. He was on Joshua's side, which was a whole third side. He just wanted the two of them to stop fighting so he could go back to whatever he wanted to do.

Joshua turned to Ethan. "Come with me, Ethan."

They went to leave the room and Fraser began to follow when Ethan turned to him. "Leave us alone for a bit, will you? I think he wants to talk to me about something important."

Fraser looked hurt, to say the least, as if Ethan didn't believe that they were close enough for something like that, and it was true. They really weren't close enough, and he would have to deal with that.

Ethan was a lot closer to Joshua than he was to Fraser, and if the two of them had something going on between them, they would have to sort it out in private. Not with Ethan around, because that would feel like a complete invasion of privacy.

Joshua opened a bedroom door and the two of them went inside. "Why are you fighting him again, Ethan?"

"I don't know," immediately answered Ethan, and it was true. He had no idea why he was doing what he was doing, but he knew that he couldn't back off a fight. "He started it."

"Why would I care who started it?"

Ethan shrugged. "I don't know, so you don't blame me for this when it wasn't even close to being my fault."

"Come on, why are you being so childish about all of this?" asked Joshua as he pushed a glass of water into Ethan's hands. "You don't have to give in to his teasing, you know?"

Ethan knew that, but it still didn't feel right to step away from a fight that he could most likely win without much effort.

"I just don't know how to step away from things, Joshua. Everyone has these expectations for me and I can't just push everyone away."

"Yes, you can, especially if all of those people don't want good things for you."

"How am I supposed to know if they are good for me or not?" Emmerson asked. He was aware that he sounded like a wounded puppy, but he truly wanted to know.

All his life people constantly told him what they wanted of him and nobody ever gave him the ability to actually choose for himself, which was exactly what he wanted for himself. He didn't want to care about other people anymore, he just wanted to focus on himself for a little while.

Joshua sighed and put his hand on Ethan's shoulder. "Trust me, you'll know when someone wants something good for you and when they don't. I just can't be the one to teach you how to do all of that."

It was partially true.

Ethan knew that Joshua wanted good things for him, but he also knew that Joshua couldn't be the one to hold his hand and guide him through everything.

He would be there for him, sure, but he couldn't make that progress instead of him. Ethan had to do all of that by himself and for himself, which was a scary thought, but no matter how much he thought about it, it would turn out to be true.

"I just don't know if I can do it, Joshua... I don't think I'm the type of person that everyone wants me to be."

Joshua smiled weakly at him. "You don't have to be the person others want you to be. Just be the person you want yourself to be, that's more than enough."

They stayed silent for a few seconds, neither of them knowing what to say. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, there just wasn't much more they could add.

But then, Joshua continued, "And if people don't want to see you be yourself, then they aren't right for you. If they're truly your friends, they'll stick around and watch you as you become a better person."

Ethan nodded. He just hoped that he could find some more friends like Joshua sometime soon.