Apparently, a woman that worked for my dad went on vacation this week, visiting family, so things in Dad's department have been a bit busy.  It was a small department, with not a lot of people, but Dad got paid enough, so he had no problem with it.

I went on eating my roll and not really paying attention for a bit while my dad and Jay made some small talk.  I acted like I was following along, but really, if you had asked me to repeat a thing they had said, I wouldn't have been able to.

My thoughts drifted to my dream from last night, random bits still missing.  Were those kids people I knew, somehow?  What was I afraid of in the end?  I could just chalk it up to the fact that I was in a forest, but I felt like that wasn't it.  And did the dog I saw today have to do with it?  All of it was making my head hurt.

"Lin?  Helloooo, Earth to Space Girl."  Dad's voice startled me back to reality.  I shook my head slightly.

"Sorry, what?"  

"Awesome, nice to know you're still here and that you haven't been lost yet,"  Jay answered, smirking a bit.  I shot him a look.

"We were just asking if you knew what you wanted to do for your birthday yet, honey."  Mom said, tilting her head at me.

"Yeah, it's a big one.  Your Sweet 16!  It's crazy that it's just a week away."  Dad added.

"Oh..." I had completely forgotten about it, with all the other things taking up my headspace.  "I honestly would probably just like to hang with you three like every other day."

"Are you sure?  It's not just any birthday."

"What else do I really need?  I mean, I wouldn't say no to a car if you're set on getting me something."  I was half-joking, though leaning more toward humor.  I really didn't want anything big, otherwise, I'd feel bad.

"Well, alright.  If that's really okay for you."  Did she sound...disappointed?  Mom started to stand, taking any of the empty plates she could carry to the sink, "Who's ready for dessert?  I made turnovers."

---

We were back in my room again, me up in my bed with Jay on a futon on the floor (not the couch looking kind, the sleeping mat one.  Don't try to call me cold-hearted, cuz this dude ends up kicking me off the bed anytime we share and I will not stand for it.)  I stared up at the ceiling that was covered in glow-in-the-dark stars-- childish and cliche of me, I know.  They'd been there since my 13th birthday, when I got them after a whole month of hinting about it.  I had told Jay and my parents that I was too lazy to take them down, but really I didn't have the heart to.  I loved them, even if they were barely visible by now.

"Jay, do you ever feel like the world is so much bigger than you thought it was?  But also like it's so small that it's suffocating?"  

He was silent for so long that for a minute, I thought that he might of fallen asleep already.  I turned my head over to look at him, but his eyes were closed.  He answered as I turned back to the ceiling, about to try to sleep myself.

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe cuz I think it?"  I said sarcastically.  "Why else would I ask, ya doofus?"

"Well yeah, no shit.  Why are you thinking about it that way?"  In the corner of my eye, I saw him prop himself on his side up on his elbow.  "Are you sure there's nothing bothering you?  Is it the dreams?"

I sighed, shaking my head again.  "I don't know.  It just feels like time is moving way too fast and I'm confused.  About everything.  I mean, I'm 16 next week and we're Juniors in about a month, Jay. The next year will be Senior year and then it's all over.  What do I want to do with my life?  Where am I gonna go to college?  Will I even go to college?"  

I paused to breathe.  Curse air, how dare it interrupt my glorified whining!

"Don't worry about it so much, that's still two years to figure it out."

"I am very aware of that.  But that's part of the problem-- what if that isn't enough for me to figure it out?  What if I figure it out and then I fail?  The world is huge and yes, so many opportunities, but what if, despite all of that, I still don't achieve any of it?"

"Lin, look at me."  I turned, his face dead serious.  "You will be fine.  You are an awesome person and you'll plan what you want to plan and achieve it.  I believe in you and so do your parents."

"But-"  Jay held a hand up, interrupting my argument.

"Ah, no buts."  He laid back down, turning over on his side, his back towards me.  "You're just having one of your late night intrusive thoughts, Lin.  Go to sleep and you'll feel better in the morning.  Goodnight."

"Night." I grumbled, turning away from him.  He was probably right, to be honest, but I wasn't going to tell him that, of course, so I closed my eyes.  Eventually I drifted off to sleep.