After eating lunch, Anna and I decided to buy books for the next semester. It had already been 6 months since the 'incident', and I still couldn't return to school without spacing out the whole day or getting another panic attack.

But I can still study.

No...I have to study. To provide for my father and I, I have to make something of myself. 

Even though I still have no idea what I'm going to do.

Coming to the special day, it's Anna's birthday. 

We hadn't spent any time outside in the past few months, and today serves as the perfect opportunity to hang out. 

I may also confess to her. No, no, no...not as in 'I really like you' but as in 'I know you like me but I'm aromantic'. Hah, I hope she doesn't take the news too badly.

But it isn't like I can do anything about it, can I?

*  *  *

"Notebooks?"

"Check."

"Stationery?"

"Check."

"My Eraser balls?"

"Check. But Anna, why do you need more weirdly shaped erasers? You already have a hundred of those..."

"Very well. I could ask you the same about your cheese collection." Anna said as she smirked.

"Cheese is a labour of love, and the older it is, the better." I defended.

"Then eraser balls are a product of artistic expression, mhmm."

I chuckled when she said this. Anna's childish antics always melted me into giggles, I couldn't help it. 

But knowing that today might change everything, that nothing might be the same again. The chatter, the laughter, years of friendship– that all of it might be reduced to mere memories. My heart sank at this realisation. I'm not selfish enough to keep someone tied to a fruitless bond, and my core would crumble to dust if such a thing were to happen.

So be it. I will tell her the truth.

"Anna, let me take you somewhere."

"Somewhere, where?"

"It's a surprise." I winked, but regretted it upon seeing Anna's flustered face. 'I'm pathetic.'

"Okay..." she said, her voice only a whisper now, refusing to look into my eyes.

'I'm pathetic.' I keep leading her on with empty words and empty gestures. I'm broken and the shards that form my heart will cut hers. I could feel anger boiling within me as I clenched my jaw. My eyes burned as I held back my rage. 

I was disappointed at my lack of self control...how could I be so careless? I knew how she felt and I knew how I felt.

'I have to be calm.' 

Breathe. Hold for 4. Release. 

Repeat.

I had relaxed enough to shoot my sweet smile by the time we reached the lakeside, or should I say, heaven. My mum often used to bring me to this place, it was one of those golden memories that I could still relive without feeling remorse. This was a happy place full of happy memories.

"Seph...t-this is..."

"Yeah. My mum and I came here pretty often. Come on now, " I beamed as I pulled Anna out of the car, shutting the door behind with a loud thud. 

"Happy birthday, Anna." I said as we gazed at the orange hues that coloured the outstretched canvas of the sky, a curtain of shades of the departing day. A strange light was cast over the vault of heaven, extending beyond horizon to the humble earth. 

It was a magical moment.

As long as it lasted.