At the end of the school day, I had finally left the roof and walked to my locker passing Hayden in the hall without a word. As I neared my locker, I saw Jon standing there with both my book bag and gym bag at his feet. Stopping in front of him, I said “thanks for grabbing those.”
“No problem, are you okay?” Jon asked with a worried frown.
“Not really but this day isn't over yet. He's coming to Ike-do tonight” I whispered the last part with a sadness in my eyes.
“How about we get some dinner before you have to go get the crap beat out of you?” Jon said trying to lighten the mood.
“Okay and maybe you can walk me to practice after?” I said with a shy smile. Bending down, I picked up my bags and stood back up to see that we were being watched by everyone around us.
“We should get going...” I whispered again without looking at Jon.
“Yeah, though they could just be staring because they can't believe you're not with Hayden when he has clearly been here all day” Jon said and then continued as they started walking, “or maybe they're just overwhelmed by the amount of total hotness that is both of us together...”
“Yeah even I don't believe the second one...” I said with a giggle trying not to notice the continuing stares as we left the building.
“What it could happen!” Jon said shocked then continued “where do you wanna eat?”
“Hmm... I'm not sure, all I know for sure is that I wanna find somewhere to hide so I can kiss you” I whispered so only Jon could hear me. As we made our way passed the park, Jon glanced behind us to be sure no one would see then grabbed my hand pulling me into the park and into a thick grove of trees and bushes. Pushing me against a tree, Jon placed his left hand on my cheek and took my hand with his right then kissed me. Pulling Jon closer with my left hand, I deepened the kiss. We remained like that for almost a full ten minutes before Jon pulled away breaking the kiss. Breathing heavily, Jon leaned his head against mine and said “I know part of this is you needing something normal and stable after everything this afternoon but I know for sure how I feel about you. However, I don't wanna further complicate your already messed up thoughts or add to your mixed emotions by telling you. So, when you figure out how you truly feel, even if you chose him instead of me, please don't think you have to stay with me. If you chose me, I'll tell you how I feel but not yet. We can keep doing this if it'll help you keep your sanity though, okay” Jon said.
“Okay. I'll try to figure it out quickly but I'm honestly no sure I know how to feel about everything that happened today” I said honestly.
“I know and I don't wanna rush you” Jon said and kissed me again before stepping back and letting go then adding “we should get going if were going to have time to eat and kiss again before you have to go to practice.”
“Okay let's go,” I said standing up off the tree and we left the thicket of trees to head to the shopping district. As we walked we talked about what all I had missed while I was hiding on the roof and what homework was assigned. Deciding to go to the barbecue restaurant, we headed inside and were immediately greeted by the hostess. As we were lead to our table, our senses were assailed by the scents of nuts, beer, and barbecue. After we had been seated and were once again alone, Jon asked “are you feeling any better?”
“I'm not sure. I understand it all but I'm not sure how it makes me feel or how I'm supposed to feel about it. And in just a little while I either have to kick the crap out of him or let him kick the crap out of me” I said staring at the table feeling anxious. Putting my hands on the table and finally looking at Jon, I continued “maybe I should skip practice today.” Reaching across the table and placing a hand on my arm, Jon said “you shouldn't do that. You're gonna have to face him eventually and doing it on the Ike-do mats might be the best place for it. Maybe warn the instructor before class so he can either stop you or at least keep an eye on you so you two don't beat each other to a bloody pulp.” With a few tears and a sad giggle I said “yeah good point.”
The rest of our time in the restaurant went by without much more conversation. Having finished, we left the restaurant and walked towards the Ike-do Do Jo. As we neared it, I pulled Jon into a nearby alley and stopped midway down. Turning I stepped towards Jon and, placing both hands on his cheeks, kissed him. Jon wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me tighter against him. We stayed like that until I pulled away smiling and said, “if we don't stop I'm gonna be late to practice.”
“Yeah, we better stop. Don't forget to tell the instructor that you guys may get a little rougher than usual” Jon said and kissed me again before pulling back. Looking past Jon with a frown, I let go and stepped back letting my hands fall to my sides. With a confused look, Jon turned to see what I was looking at only to see Hayden standing at the mouth of the alley with a cold expression which hid the pain in his eyes. Turning, Hayden disappeared around the corner towards the Do Jo without a word.
“This is gonna hurt in more ways than one...” I said shaking my head.
“Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't pull away sooner so he didn't see” Jon said still looking where Hayden had disappeared.
“It'll be okay. Once I figure things out everything should settle back down” I said hoping I was right and hoping I'd figure it out before things got too complicated. Looking back at me, Jon said “yeah but for now, you need to go.” And with a final kiss, he turned and left the alley. I stood in the alley for another minute trying to calm myself down before heading into the Do Jo. Knowing I had no choice but to face my best friend, I went inside passing most of the class as I did. Looking around on my way to the locker room, I realized Hayden wasn't among the other students on the floor. Noticing sensei wasn't out on the floor yet either, I assumed they must be in the office talking. As I continued toward the locker room, I wondered if I'd have to warn sensei or if Hayden was doing just that. Opening the door, I headed to my locker to get changed. As I put my bag on the bench and sat down, I heard the door open and close again. Looking up, I noticed Hayden standing at the end of the lockers watching me. Without a word, I continued my routine of getting ready for class. After a few minutes, Hayden moved to his locker and began to do the same. As he opened his locker, Hayden said “thanks for covering for me with sensei.”
“You're welcome. Are you sure you're ready for this? I won't go easy on you” I said without looking at Hayden as I removed my t-shirt.
“Yeah, are you because I'm not gonna go easy on you either” Hayden said as he exchanged his jeans for basketball shorts. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Hayden changed out of his t-shirt and into a tank top admiring his well toned body as he moved. Not wanting to get caught, I looked away just before Hayden poked his head through the collar of his shirt.
“How am I supposed to chose when I have to see that almost everyday?” I thought as I close my locker before saying aloud “ready?” before finally turning to face Hayden.
“You go ahead, I'll be out in a second” Hayden said looking at his hands.
“Okay see you in a sec.” I said as I turned to head out onto the mats to wait. Taking a few deep breaths as I walked, I tried to center myself and prepare for the beating I knew was coming.
As Hayden left the locker room and made his way towards where Cam was waiting for him, he thought “how am I supposed to hit the man I love? Am I angry enough that I can do this?” As I looked Cam up and down, images of him kissing Jonathan came to my mind making me both angry and sad. Stopping a few feet in front of Cam, I turned to face sensei as he began to speak.
“Okay ladies and gentlemen, I want fair clean fights” sensei said and then gave the signal to another student to ring the gong signaling the beginning of class. Turning back to face Cam, I decided to focus on my anger even though I knew from the look on Cams’ face that all my pain was evident on mine. Taking a few deep breaths to center myself, I took a step towards Cam signaling the beginning of the fight. Without a word, I attacked Cam with a fist aimed at his abdomen which he dodged by spinning to the left and out of reach. As he moved, Cam kicked out catching me in my left side causing me to stumble. Stepping back, Cam gave me a minute to recover and then moved in once I was facing him again.
Deciding to go on the offensive, I fained a punch and tackled Hayden instead pinning him to the mats. While Hayden was busy trying to recover the air I had knocked out of him I said “tell me the truth. You heard everything I said on the roof this afternoon when I thought I was alone.” Shocked, Hayden stopped moving but didn't let it show on his face but his reaction was enough of a confirmation.
“I knew it,” I said angrily then continued “I want answers so I'll make sure you can still breath and talk when were done” before getting up from where I had been positioned on top Hayden when I’d pinned him. Standing with my back to Hayden and the rest of the class, I used my right hand to wipe away the tears that I could no longer hold back. After another minute, Hayden said “you're right, I did hear you but I'm not ready to give you answers just yet. Give me a little more time to get my head together and then I'll answer you. As it is I could only answer you with my emotions.” With my back still to Hayden, I sobbed “all of this is about our emotions so why do I need you to think it through logically?”
“That's not what I'm saying Cam but this isn't really the time or the place for this conversation” Hayden said calmly.
“You're right but I can't think about anything else. I can't focus” I said wiping away more tears.
“Would it help if you pretended I'm someone you hate rather than someone you love?” Hayden asked making me turn to look at him in shock as tears continued to fall.
“Oh don't tell me you've never done that before. I remember beatings where I could barely walk the next day because you were angry” Hayden giggled.
“You're right but it was right after the attack that I got worse because even though I knew you weren't him I still couldn't stand being touched,” I explained trying not to remember that long ago.
“Ah that explains a lot actually. So, just pretend I'm him and kick the crap out of me” Hayden said.
“I can't do that and I'm sorry I did it in the first place” I said pain evident in my voice and expression.
“Well, we have to find a way to continue practicing. Should I find a way to make you mad then?” Hayden asked, “or should I use my emotions to fuel this fight and you just defend without attacking me?”
“I can take the beating. I'm not sure how you'd make me angry enough to make me wanna hit you though...” I answered honestly.
“I know of one way to piss you off but I really don't wanna resort to dirty tricks to do it” Hayden said stepping towards me. Getting close enough that only I would hear, he whispered “that thing everyone use to say about you.”
Comments (0)
See all