(Warning: Cringey Content, Older Generation Stuck in Old Steriotypes, Anxiety that comes with an Upcoming Cliff Hanger/ Story Climax)

“I can’t say yes because I’m not sure yet, what if I get jealous,” ‘I was more anxious about them getting jealous.’ “That’s where communication comes in, why don’t we slow down,” Kris makes a concerned noise, “You’re shaking really bad.” ‘I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack,’ I think.

“I think,” I gasp, “I think I might need my inhaler.”

The panicked gasp of Susan makes me flinch, “You have asthma?!”

I shake my head no, “It’s for my anxiety attacks, it’s to fake out my brain and alleviate the symptoms, my dad has my rescue inhaler.”

“I’ll get one, we have those in the first aid office.” Kris snaps upright, he runs off.

“Can I hold you until then?” Susan asks, “I feel like this is my fault.”

I fall into her arms quickly. “No, I’ve had really bad anxiety since…” I’m panting feeling sick but I also feel her rubbing my back, ‘Mmm,’ I sigh, letting go of some of the tension, ‘feels nice.’ I think letting out another reluctant sigh, going limp, “I just…don’t go out because it’s easy for me to be overwhelmed.”

She pauses for a long time thinking, “Sounds like you’ve gone through a lot, even if you don’t want to be with us, I want you to go to our group. You’d be surprised how many people have anxiety like yours, things like this feel better when you have a support group to back you up.”

“But my anxiety is literally caused by people.” I laugh humorlessly and start shaking again.

“Then we’ll start small, if you want.” She soothes. “What would make you feel best, right now?”

I snuggle deeper, “Just this if it’s fine, I don’t get hugs often.”

“I’ll give you all the hugs then.” She says sweetly snuggling. “This is off topic but if you don’t mind learning something important about me…”she starts.

“I want to know,” I mumble into her shoulder.

“I’m non-binary.” Sh-They say.

“Oh?” I lean back breathing heavily, “That’s cool, how do you know?”

“I just don’t feel right calling myself a gender, I still go by Susan cause it feels right, you know.”

“S,so your pronouns?” I ask, fading a little.

“Hey breathe buddy,” they worry. “Kris hurry!” I hear them call. Then suddenly strong arms pick me up and something is pressed into my mouth and sprayed. I cough as it’s mint flavored, but my nose and mouth feel clear, and my throat doesn't feel so tight anymore. I gasp a few times. Kris forces me to take another puff and again I cough breathing stronger.

“Anxiety my ass!” He exclaims, “you need to get yourself checked for something, who passes out from anxiety?” “

Kris,” Susan soothes, putting their hand on his, “Anxiety can be that bad.” Kris looks from me to them to me again. I can feel his breath on my face so when he moves his head and moves it back I know.

Then he just hugs me, “I’m taking him to the infirmary for a little bit just in case, are you coming?”

“No, I have another tour right now actually.” Susan sighs, “I’ll see you in twenty minutes.”

“Does this mean we’re dating now?” I ask, out of it. They pause and I hear their excitement even in their calm responses, “Yes.” Kris says.

“But we have to go over rules first,” Susan finishes.

“Can we go slow, like reeeaaally, reeeaaally slow.” I slur a little from not wanting to enunciate.

“Of course,” They say at the same time. Kris murmurs some helpful insight about nobody seeing us as he carries me into the back door of the employee area and then, carefully, calmly walks me to the infirmary.

“Nobody saw?” I ask again just in case as he places me down on the crinkly paper bed.

“Nobody saw what?” a strange male voice asks, I’m guessing the nurse.

“His anxiety attack, he almost passed out.” Kris says, I imagine him standing protectively, arms crossed from the tone and proximity of his voice. The nurse makes some concerned comments and starts questioning me. I was used to my dad answering these questions.

“So that’s why you were carrying him?” The nurse asks Kris. Who must have just nodded. “You’re a good guy Kris,” the nurse says. “I’m seeing a cane and sunglasses. Are you legally blind?”

“Yes.” I say hollowly.

“Who is your guardian? Do you need me to send someone to get them?” The doctor presses. I turn to Kris, “Actually yes, could someone let my dad know I’m okay?”

“I remember him,” Kris says, sounding different like he was pretending to be manlier, that must mean he’s not comfortable around the nurse or that the nurse isn’t comfortable around him. I stay guarded after Kris leaves. Dad gets here surprisingly fast, apparently he was waiting around as though expecting that something terrible happened.

“Ray!” He gasps, “Here you are I was so worried, you had another anxiety attack?!” I nod. He pushes Kris out of the way. I hear the grunt and stumble from poor Kris, and checks me over, “Did you pass out?”

“No.” I say smiling softly.

“Did you eat your granola bars?”

I open my mouth and then pull them out of my pockets, “No, I forgot.”

My dad turns on the nurse, “Did you check his blood pressure? Did you listen to his breathing?” He turns on Kris, “You gave him an inhaler without medicine right? He doesn’t have asthma.”

“Dad, you’re being hella chaotic right now,” I sigh but my chest feels warm.

“Nope, just for anxiety,” Kris says holding up the inhaler to show him, I’m assuming cause I hear my dad mumble reading. The nurse asks for our insurance and then does a general check-up.

“He’s got normal blood pressure, I suggest he eat something and rest, no more excitement for a while until his heart-rate goes down.

“That’s fine, because we’re going home.” My dad says. 

“Wait!” I exclaim. I feel as though everybody freezes staring at me. ‘I can’t say what I want in here, I don’t think I can even tell my dad what’s going on.’ “I don’t want to go, I’ll take it easy but I still have some stuff I wanna do.” My heart is beating hard again. 

“We can come back.” My dad starts to barter. 

“N, no.” I say standing up for myself, then gritting my teeth say, “You’re the one who wanted me to leave the house in the first place, now that I’m having fun you want to make me go home?” My dad touches my arm, “Let’s talk outside.” I think about resisting but grabbing my cane, accepting my dad's hand down, go out of the nurses tent. “We’re out of ear-shot.” My dad says after guiding me a little ways away. 

“Of everyone?” I ask head tilted listening. 

“I’m still here,” Kris says awkwardly. 

“Oh, yeah you can stay.” I breathe a little relieved. My emotions are a mess. I want friends. This support group. I want relationships. I want hope. I've never felt such a swirl of wants and emotions in a single day before…before the accident. ‘Maybe I don’t deserve this.’ 

“So,” my dad starts, “I’ve noticed how close you and somebody else have gotten, I can’t say I won’t support it but I was hoping you’d get with Sarah and not her boyfriend.” 

It takes me a second to realize what my dad had just said before my face explodes red, “How’d you figure that out!” I exclaim over whatever Kris was trying to say. 

My dad laughs triumphantly, “Well it was kind of obvious the way he had his hands all over you and you were blushing like a radish the whole time.” I cover my face feeling my warm cheeks. ‘Darn it.’ 

“There’s a support group I wanna go to with them.” I blurt out in case he tries to shut it down. “You mean…?” He picks me up and spins me, making me very dizzy. 

“Dad!” I exclaim, “I’m gonna vomit on you,” I threaten. He places me down post-haste and to my embarrassment and…some other emotion when I stumble, Kris catches me. Actually it was more like I backed up into his big, strong chest. My dad is rambling on about how excited he is about me finally getting out and making friends, one of which is blind and is going to get me the support I’ve been needing for so long, and he’s been so worried. 

“So, uh, two things,” I say, “Kris is going blind so I have two supportive friends and Sarah is going out with us too.” 

My dad makes a noise that worries me. “Polamourous relationships don’t last.” He says to my anger and disgust, “Also, you’re going blind?” He must be talking to Kris, “How do you expect to take care of my son? Are you planning on having a live-in nurse?” 

I puff up and point my finger in my dad’s general direction venomously, “How can you say you’re supportive and happy for me when it turned out you just wanted me to be with a sighted person, weren’t you originally shipping me with Sarah. Even if it worked out, which I highly doubt now…” 

“Ray.” Kris cuts in, putting his hand on my shoulder supportively. 

“There’s nothing wrong with having a live-in nurse, at least I won’t have to worry about the constant slip-ups and mistakes that Darlene makes!” I know I’m fighting against myself now and have to stop myself panting. “When you first brought her home I did everything,” I stress the word pulling at my shirt, “Everything in my power to make her feel loved and accepted, I even called her mom.” My voice breaks, “Because you deserved to be happy again,” I’m crying shamefully now, the tears sliding down from beneath my sunglasses. “Don’t I deserve to be happy?” I say forcefully albeit quietly and then like the brave being that I am, I walk off in a random direction using my cane and hoping I’m not heading straight towards a wall. 

Kris looks at his potential father in law, “You might thank me later for this, Ray is a grown ass adult who will never be able to be fully self-reliant. That doesn’t mean you can keep treating him like he’s twelve. Also,” Kris puts his hand on his hip, “You really think a relationship where I break up with my significant other, over including them in all my life decisions, would work out better?” Kris turns to leave, “I can tell you love him so I won’t be too harsh on you but I’m speaking from experience, you’ve probably never had a poly relationship and only know biased information about it.” 

Ray’s dad narrows his eyes at Kris’s back when he walks away, ‘If only he wasn’t going blind,’ he thinks to himself, ‘I’d love for such a big guy to protect my son, what does he mean I treat Ray like he’s twelve… and just because he said that I’ll never thank him for talking back to me.’ Ray’s dad looks around and trying to pretend he was angry and not feeling bad tries to find Darlene, ‘she’ll tell me what I said wrong, she’s always so attune to Ray’s feelings.’ 

Darlene stays hidden behind the wall until she hears her husband walk away then looking around the corner carefully narrows her eyes at Ray who was now being guided into an employee-only area by Kris. ‘I should have known that none of it was for me and all of it was for his dad, he never liked me, well I’ll make sure to fix that.’ She thinks while clenching her hand on her purse. She hides the needle that previously had adrenaline in it, deep in trash. 

I rub my eyes again as Sarah holds me. “Dang, that’s terrible, you really have had a bad day haven’t you?” I just nod my head. Kris was still huffing and puffing about what my father had said. “I can’t believe he said all that ableist crap right in front of you. And he’d rather I broke up with someone and that’s not a relationship red flag! But oh no! I’m in a new age relationship and suddenly it’s like, “It won’t last.” He tells me, “I’m making quotation marks by the way.” I laugh, “Thanks, but I can hear the sarcasm in your voice.” He comes over, “I’m joining the snuggles,” He says and the next thing I know I’m getting mega squished. I laugh breathlessly.    

“What’s this?” Susan asks, suddenly touching a sore spot on my arm. I rub it, “I dunno, I find them sometimes, bug bite?” “Looks like a needle puncture mark.” Kris says breathing on a sensitive part of my neck behind my ear. “I don’t take any medication by needle, just pills.” I say trying to brush it off. I feel them looking at each other and really hope they aren’t going to ask me anything depressing, I wasn’t okay but I wasn’t lying. I couldn’t imagine how I’d get stuff like that past my dad anyway. “Okay, sorry for getting weird about it.” Sarah says. They tickle me and I make a choking noise. “What was that?” Kris teases and tries tickling me too. “No wait,” I grab their and Kris’s hands, “please don’t.” Kris snuggles against my back, “Is this fine?” “Yes.” I blush.

“Ray?” My stepmother’s voice rings out and I go tense. “Where are you baby?” ‘I’m not your baby,’ I think, gritting my teeth. “You don’t have to worry she can’t find us here.” Susan soothes moving protectively and I’m surprised to feel how tense and strong their muscles are under their sleeves. ‘They and Kris must work out together I think blushing as I imagine myself joining in on their workouts.’ “It’s okay, I’ll only be a minute.” I tap my cane as I return to my feet, “I’ll be back.” I beam back at them. “Just angle me in the right direction.” I joke. Kris touches my shoulder, “Do you want me to come with you, she might have talked to your dad.” “No, I’d be able to tell by her voice,” I say, “She sounds legitimately worried so I’m guessing dad hasn’t found her yet.”

“Mom?” I say as I step past the employee’s only sign, I hear her turn around breathlessly, “It’s your father,” she whispers urgently in my ear and starts pulling me after her.

“What, what’s wrong?” I say anxiously.

“Come with me, quickly!” My brain starts to panic, “Do we need to get help?”

“What and cause a scene, no your dad wants as little drama as possible.” ‘What?’ I think. ‘Are they trying to get me to leave with them because I swear if this is all just an act. But then we go deeper in the cave. “Your father went this way to look for me, I’m guessing.” She says and I hear the texting noises on her phone. “Well, he’s lost.” She sighs.

I feel anxiety surge through me, “Tell him to sit down, we'll get help and they’ll find him.” I pant. “Okay but then we won’t be allowed back here for breaking the rules about running off on our own. Don’t worry we’ll find him and they’ll never have to know.” She pats my head.

I pull away gripping my cane, “Okay but we have to hurry.” She lets me walk a few steps on my own and if I had looked back with sight I would have seen her eyes widen larger than a sane person, with an evil grin to match.

“You’re right let's hurry.” She grabs my arm and pulls me insanely fast so that I trip and get dragged until I regain my footing only to trip again.

“Stop, stop, stop!” I gasp finally. “You have to slow down for me, I can’t go this fast!” But your father could get further away if we don’t hurry!” She sounds so worried, her voice is shaking.

“Text him to sit down and that we’re on our way, the most important rule of spelunking, remember?” I stop, refusing to move until she texts him to do so.

She sighs impatiently and then after rapid typing says, “There, I set him it.” A return message noise puts me at ease especially as she says, “He sat down.”