I had invited Iris and Maria over while Rowen was gone. My anxiety was getting really bad, somehow I could sense something bad was happening. The girls were trying to convince me I was overreacting, and a part of me wished they were right. I knew something was wrong, I always knew when something was happening to him. 

"I have to go find him."

"You don't even know exactly where he is, Chip." Maria said. She grabbed my arm and pulled me into a hug. "He'll be okay, he knows what he's doing." I scrambled out of her embrace.

"Stop telling me that! All I hear from his is 'Ooh I'll be okay I know how to handle myself' or 'You don't know what you're talking about, Chip' I'm so done! I'm done letting him go out and get hurt without doing anything! I might not be a runaway, but I'm not five goddamn years old!" I collapsed onto the ground, the cold feeling crept around my body. I hugged my own arms, folding in on myself. "I swear to God if he ever gets killed when I could've done something-" I caught my breath. "I can't lose him, Maria." Iris had come over to sit on the floor with me. Maria knelt down, again hugging me. "He's doing all of this to keep me safe. I've done nothing for him..." I felt my throat clog, ready to burst into a sob. My hands started to shake, but stopped once Iris grabbed them. "What am I going to do?" I put my head on her shoulder in despair. 

"You really care about him, huh?" Iris said in her gruff voice. "He cares about you a lot, too. I don't think he cares if you've done anything for him; you've been his friend when no one else has." She put her hand on my head. "I'm confident that's enough for him." 

"Is that enough for you?" Maria chimed in, I lifted my head to her.

"What?"

"Is it enough? To be his friend?" I sat with the question, searching my own mind. The question had made my anxiety lift. 

"I think if you have to think that hard it isn't." Iris sarcastically said, standing up. I also stood and sat at our small table. The two girls joined me, Iris appearing with some chips for a snack. 

"I've just never thought about it... I mean I have. Not like that! I mean, yes, like that but-"

"Oh my god, you fell hard!" Iris laughed as I tripped over my words. I felt my face turn red. "When are you going to tell him?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Never!" I said immediately. "That would ruin everything..." I saw Iris and Maria look at each other with bored expressions. "You don't understand, he doesn't do good with crushes and stuff. I think someone did something bad to him in the past."

"You're not bad to him!" Maria smiled. She folded her hand over mine. "I've seen him look at you, Chip. I've seen how you two interact, there's not one thing that could get in between you two." The doorknob wiggled open, my heart started to leap. Unfortunately, the only person that walked through the door was my sister. I groaned and put my head on the table. 

"What, am I that disappointing?" Adriana said, putting her bags down on the couch. 

"He's in looooooove~" Iris mocked to my horror.

"STOP! Don't tell her!" My twin made her way to the table. 

"With Rowen?" She teased, taking a chip out of the bag. "I caught them having sex one night." 

"YOU DID NOT, YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED!" I grabbed the chip bag and swung it at her. Iris and Maria laughed as I chased her around the small house, throwing various objects at her. 

"He'll be okay, just tell him when he gets back. And tell us what happens!" Maria exclaimed as she and Iris made her way outside. Maria's parents had come to pick them up, leaving me alone with my sister. Brianna was at a friend's house tonight, and Mom had picked up another job at night. In an effort to not have an anxiety attack by myself, I had been hanging out with Adriana. 

"He's still not back." It was 11:00, and the bubbles of anxiety started to fizzle inside me again. I sat on an armchair while my sister was sprawled out on the couch. "Something happened to him." I paused, contemplating what to do. "I need to find him." I jumped up, heading to my room. 

"You're not going, are you cray?!" She grabbed me and threw me back down on the chair. "You don't even know where exactly he is!" I groaned. "Let's watch a movie, get your mind off of it. We used to love watching movies together." 

"Remember when we watched that zombie movie with dad?" I asked. She let out a giggle while searching through the DVD's. 

"Yes, you started crying and Mom got SO mad at him! Remember that one time he took us into the city for that circus?" 

"That was not a real circus, it was more like a horror show."

"You're just a scardey-cat." 

"Am not."

We sat reminiscing about the past stories of our dad, and when we grew quiet again, I stopped to think. 

"Do you ever miss him?" I asked Adriana, who had put a movie in and was fixated on the TV. 

"Sometimes. I miss the guy who treated us well and loved Mom. I don't miss what he became, though." She looked to the ground. "He never really liked me anyways."

"That's not true, he took you to do a lot of things." 

"Only when Mom got mad at him for only paying attention to you. Chip, we both know you were his favorite." She curled her knees to her chest. "I never had a connection with him. I think the only part I miss about him was the fun he brought us... He's a shitty person." 

"Yeah." I agreed, looking back to the movie. "Would you ever want to see him again?" 

"If it was to only tell him how awful he's made Mom's life, yes. Do you actually miss him, after everything?" She accused. I was silent.

"I don't think what he did was good but... I don't know, I just would want to see him again. Have some closure?" She glared at me.

"Of course you do, because you were the only one he loved." She turned her head and scooted away, returning to the movie. "If you love Mom you would hate him."

"Of course I love Mom! Adriana, I'm not saying I forgive him. I'm not saying I would like him again; I just want to see him. I want to see if he's doing fine without us, or if he's got another family... I want to tell him about my life..." I balled my hand into a fist. "I want him to meet Brianna and have him see what a mistake he made. I want him to see how happy we are without him."

"Yeah..." She said after a minute. "I'd love to see the look on his face." 

Just then, the wiggle of a doorknob sounded. I checked the clock; it read 1:00 AM. Mom worked until 4:00, so I knew it could only be one person. I leaped out of the couch and as the door opened, I stood waiting to embrace the boy who walked through the door. 

But something was wrong.

Very wrong.