“You have two new messages.”
“First message. August 2nd, 2007, 9: 13 am.”
“We’re going shopping for school today. And because you’re not here, it’s going to be up to Mom and me to dress me for the year.”
“Oh god, you’re gonna look like a total dork.”
“I’m going to look like a piano nerd.”
“(laughs)”
“I just want you to know what you’ve sentenced me to.”
“Message end.”
“Well, you can’t expect me to dress you forever.”
“Message deleted. You have one new message.”
“First message. August 2nd, 2007, 5:34 pm.”
“Well, that went awful.”
“Rocking that mini librarian look?”
“I had another panic attack in the mall.”
“Fuck.”
“In front of Mom. So, I had to tell her that I’ve been struggling with them again and then it turned into this huge thing. ‘why didn’t you say anything’ ‘we can’t help you if you don’t talk to us’ ‘how long has this been going on’ She wants to take me back to Dr. Andy.”
“Well…”
“But he’ll just want to put me back on meds! And I worked so hard to get off them!”
“It’s okay to need them.”
“And I don’t want to start any right before school starts. Who knows if it will work, or what the side effects will be? I don’t want to be a basket case for the start of school! Everyone already thinks I’m weird enough!”
“But don’t you think it will be hard if you’re super anxious?”
“But- but what if I freak out in class? Or heaven forbid the lunch room? I- I don’t know what to do. What should I do Sam?”
“Listen to-”
“I really wish you were here.”
“I- Fuck Alex, Mom can take care of you better than I can.
“Message end.”
“I’m a fucking mess. Stop looking to me for answers!”
“Message deleted. You have no new messages.”
“You have one new message.”
“First message. August 7th, 2007, 8:11 pm.”
“Hey Sam.”
“I’m going to North Carolina. My roommate is going for a job and I’m going with her.”
“I just finished lessons and my piece sounds amazing.”
“Fucking Chris won’t leave me alone and Florida sucks, and it’s just not working out.”
“I’m really nervous about preforming though.”
“Again.”
“Mr. Mewgian has to keep reminding me not to stress about it during lesson or I start messing up a lot.”
“I’m running away, again.”
“Which doesn’t instill me with a lot of confidence about the actual show.”
“I let Mom know, so you’re probably going to be mad again when you find out.”
“But I’m also kind of excited?”
“Just, please don’t stop calling me.”
“Mr. Mewgian likes going on about how good I am, and it might be going to my head a little.”
“It’s super pathetic, because I’m too scared to answer, but I miss hearing your annoying voice.”
“Because I think, I want to do this? I think I want people to hear me play.”
“And your terrible sense of humor, and your incessant piano playing.”
“God, that sounds totally conceited now that I’ve said it out loud.”
“Conceited?! Damn, I wasn’t listening.”
“Oh, Mom’s here, I’ve got to go. Bye Sam.”
“Message end. Press one to replay the message-”
“Replay message.”
“August 7th, 2007, 8:11 pm.”
“Hey Sam. I just finished lessons and my piece sounds amazing. I’m really nervous about preforming though. Mr. Mewgian has to keep reminding me not to stress about it during lesson or I start messing up a lot. Which doesn’t instill me with a lot of confidence about the actual show. But I’m also kind of excited? Mr. Mewgian likes going on about how good I am, and it might be going to my head a little, because I think, I want to do this? I think I want people to hear me play. God, that sounds totally conceited now that I’ve said it out loud. Oh, Mom’s here, I’ve got to go. Bye Sam.”
“Yeah, well, You’re amazing, kid. You’re allowed to be a little conceited.”
“Message end.”
“Message deleted. You have no new messages.”
“You have one new message.”
“First message. August 8th, 2007, 1:24 pm.”
“Hey Sam.”
“Don’t be mad.”
“Mom, uh. Well, she said she got a message from you?”
“Yeah?”
“I um, I really would have loved to have heard the news from you directly. But, well, thank you for at least letting someone know where you are going.”
“Ah fuck, I think this is worse than mad.”
“I- I love you, Sam.”
“Message end. Press one to replay the message, press two to save the message, press three to return to the menu, press nine to delete the message.”
“Message deleted. You have no new messages.”
“You have one new message.”
“First message. August 20th, 2007, 11:08 am.”
“(Sniff.)
“Are you crying?!”
“Um. School didn’t go great.”
“What happened!?”
“I’m, uh, waiting for Mom to come get me right now, I got sent home.”
“Why? Are you okay?”
“I had another attack. In- in the hall between classes.”
“Fuck.”
“I feel like such a failure.”
“You’re not. You’re really not.”
“I’d been doing so well, but, (sniff) now I’m back to having them every day.”
“Oh god, Alex! Everyday?”
“Not as bad as earlier, but bad enough. I’m- I’m going to have to tell Mom.”
“Fuck, Kid if you don’t, I’m going to have to, and I really don’t want to call her.”
“I’m so tired of this, Sam. I thought- I thought that if I found a family, I’d be safe from the fear. But it didn’t go away. And then after a lot of work I was doing better. I really was. But I’m starting to drown again.”
“Talk to Mom, Alex. You have a family. You don’t have to fight this alone.”
“And I miss you so much. And I’m stressed about the recital, and now I’ve made a fool of myself in front of almost the whole school.”
“You’re absolutely not the first kid to have a meltdown in school.”
“I can just hear it now, ‘oh wow the weird, adopted kid is a mental case, I’ll bet that family regrets choosing her.’”
“If anyone so much as suggests that to you, let me know and I’ll come down there and punch them. Besides, you fit better into our family than I do, and I am unfortunate enough to be the one sharing their biology.”
“(sniff) I won’t be all that surprised if my friends don’t want to be seen with me anymore.”
“Come on, Kid. Alice and Jasper aren’t assholes. They are probably more worried about you than anything else.”
“Anyway, Mom will be here soon. Sorry for using your inbox like a lame kid diary.”
“Message end.”
“Any time. It’s like, the least I can do.”
“Message deleted. You have no new messages.”
“You have one new message.”
“First message. August 22nd, 2007, 5:37 pm.”
“I’ve been spazing. Please tell me you’re okay.”
“Hey Sam.”
“Fuck me, are you okay!?”
“I saw Dr. Andy today.”
“Right, so does that mean you’re okay, or what?”
“He wants me back on meds. Which I hate, but if I can’t even go to school, I guess I have no choice.”
“So, not okay?”
“He’s also pushing for me to start seeing a therapist.”
“And?”
“And I was super skeptical. But Mom and Dr. Andy, both insist it won’t be like last time. First off, I’m older now and actually want help, but it also would not be a court appointed, over worked person, who just wants cases off their desk. And since I don’t like using medications to manage my anxiety, that therapy is the best option in the long term, so I’m still skeptical, but I’m going to go ahead and try it.”
“Okay, that sounds promising.”
“We uh, also talked about me dropping out of the recital.”
“What!?”
“I’ve worked really hard on it, but it’s been a lot of extra stress. I’m going to talk to Mr. Mewgain, see what he thinks before I decide.”
“But you’ve been so excited!”
“Mom thinks I should drop it and try again next year.”
“That traitor.”
“But I really just want to play.”
“Message end. Press one to-”
“Message deleted. You have no new messages.”
“You have two new messages.”
“First message. August 24th, 2007, 6:49 pm.”
“I have my first therapy appointment today.”
“Sweet. I started my new job today.”
“So, I now officially have a psychiatrist and a therapist like a proper head case.”
“Don’t you dare talk about yourself that way.”
“Her name is Tracy Adams. My appointment is in like ten minutes. I’ll let you know how it went when I’m done.”
“Message end.”
“You’re not a head case.”
“Message deleted. You have one new message.
“First message. August 24th, 2007, 8:20 pm.”
“How’d it go?”
“Hey, me again.”
“Dork.”
“I, uh, think I like her?”
“Yes!”
“I’m going to be seeing her twice a week for a while. We didn’t do any real therapy today, she mostly wanted to get to know me and talk about what I was hoping to get out of seeing her. She supports my goal of wanting to get off the meds, but she wants me to think about why it bothers me so much, and she thinks we should work on being okay with the idea of maybe continuing to need them.”
“Alright, I think I like her too.”
“I have to admit, I already feel a lot better having been back on the meds for the last week. And school hasn’t even been bad. Alice and Jasper don’t hate me.”
“Told you.”
“And honestly no one else has treated me any differently.”
“You were probably just over thinking it.”
“I think- I think I feel a little hopeful.”
“Me too. I like my job, my roommate, our apartment.”
“Message end.”
“I might be finally finding my place, Alex.”
“Message deleted. You have no new messages.”
“You have one new message.”
“First message. August 24th, 2007. 11: 58 pm.”
“I’ve decided. I’m doing the recital.”
“Yes!”
“I don’t want to give this up.”
“You’re going to be amazing.”
“Message end.”
“Message saved. You have no new messages.”
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