So strange, to be walking across the high school soccer field towards Aiden with my heart full of love.

A deep purple dusk is falling, the last of the golden sunlight gradually giving way to the soft hues of approaching night. This is normally the time that I’d be headed to City Hall to pick Aiden up from work, but I got a tip that he wasn’t there.

Rasheem, one of Aiden's high school soccer teammates, stopped by the flower shop when Destinee’s shift was wrapping up. That’s been happening with increasing frequency, lately. Rasheem reconnected with Des at Aiden’s birthday party, and either he’s developed a serious interest in flowers, or he’s got eyes for Des. I think I know which one is the right answer.

I don’t know Rasheem too well, but I definitely like him. He’s nice, and he’s cute. He’s got a soft round face and a soft round belly. Cool personal style, with a lot of steel and leather jewelry. Full cheeks, a big warm smile. Long locs that he often wears in a bun on the top of his head.

I can tell that Des likes him a lot. At the very least, she doesn’t seem to mind that he’s taken to randomly showing up at the shop during her shifts. To some of her poetry slams, too.

Today Rasheem told us that he’s been coaching the pee-wee soccer team, but he had to miss tonight’s practice for a family barbeque. He told me that the sub canceled at the last minute, so he’d asked Aiden to fill in for him and coach tonight’s practice.

Rasheem then casually asked Destinee if she’d want to come to that barbeque, and she very casually said she wasn’t doing anything else, anyways.

I’m happy for Des, who was glowing on her way out of the shop, so I was already smiling when I got to the soccer field. But my smile gets bigger and bigger as I watch Aiden from across the green expanse.

He’s in a t-shirt and his soccer shorts, standing by the goal. Excited kids in their tiny soccer cleats are grouped into two lines before him. The two kids at the front sprint forward, weave through small blue cones to touch the goal, then run back to tag in the next kids in line. Each time one of the kids reaches the goal, they eagerly high-five Aiden's outstretched hand before they turn to race back.

As I watch, the smallest of the girls on the pee-wee team touches the goal, then high-fives Aiden. He spins dramatically in a circle, as if she flung him into movement with the force of her high-five. She giggles happily as she turns to sprint back through the cones.

Aiden smiles, calls out some instructions to the kids. They each scramble to grab a soccer ball, then gather into a cluster as Aiden moves to stand in front of the goal. He shouts something, and all the kids rush forward at once, charging for the goal with their soccer balls at their feet, trying to kick them in.

Aiden blocks as many as he can, even diving to stop one. But with so many coming at once, one inevitably glides past him and hits the net. All of the kids cheer and burst into laughter, tumbling over each other, joyful little voices all yelling.

Aiden gets up, grass clinging to his shirt. The kids all cluster around him as he starts to speak, their heads tipped back to look up at him, all of them out of breath and grinning. Aiden tells them something, and they all clap their hands at once, then break up and head towards the pile of backpacks at the edge of the field.

Aiden's blue eyes lift to watch them go, to make sure that the kids each get their stuff and then get to their waiting parents. Then he stops, catching sight of me.

He breaks into a bright, surprised smile.

I’ve been rooted to the spot, hopeless with love. I blink, give myself a shake, and set off for Aiden again.

He ruffles my hair as I stop before him. "Hi."

A huge surge of warmth moves through me at the sound of his deep, slow-speaking voice.

“Hi,” I answer, and lean up onto my toes to give him a fast little kiss.

The kids, who I didn’t notice standing behind Aiden, let out a burst of giggles.

“Oooh!” one of the girls says, pointing at us. "Coach Aiden has a boyfriend!"

Aiden rolls his eyes, smiling. I look up into them, unbreathing.

I’ve just realized why the kids are hovering behind Aiden, waiting with their backpacks on. They all want to talk to Aiden one more time before they go. They only met him today, but I can see the adoring looks on their faces very clearly.

“You’ve got admirers,” I tell him.

Aiden glances over his shoulder. He shakes his head as he turns back to me, but then pauses, smiling.

He looks at me, then nods at the kids. “Mind if I-?”

“Take your time.”

Aiden turns and drops to a crouch to be eye level with the kids, then laughs when they all start talking at once. I take a few steps back and leave him to it.

But I can’t break my eyes away from the sight. Aiden with kids eagerly, happily surrounding him. Little hands reaching out for him, bright little voices rising in the falling dusk.

I bite down on a small, private smile, turning the ring around my finger.

~~~~

A velvet soft night. Gentle breeze rustling the branches beyond the mismatched windows. Every now and then, a gust of light rain thrumming against the house.

Firelight. Our clothes scattered on the living room floor.

I’m cozied up against Aiden, my head resting against his chest, his bare body warm against mine. The taste of spices and flower water from the dessert that Aiden made is still in my mouth. Now the taste of him is, too.

I would be perfectly content, perfectly happy on any other night. I would be gently prodding to see if I could get Aiden talking. Sometimes, when we’re tangled up in naked intimacy like this, he’ll tell me more about his wandering years. I can close my eyes and listen to his deep voice. I can picture him looking up at a snowcapped cordillera, or down at the silver flash of fish in the blue Mediterranean.

I love to hear Aiden talk like that. And if he doesn’t feel like talking, he usually wants me to talk, instead. Which I’m always happy to do.

But tonight I’m silent, still. Serious.

Battling my way through an avalanche of nerves.

It’s been two days since Roger swung by the shop and told me about all the adoption stuff. Two days since I’ve realized that Aiden and I really need to have a conversation about our future.

About kids.

I haven’t worked up the courage to do it yet. I’ve been struggling badly over what to say. I never even thought about this when I was with Roger, or Cole, or any of the other guys I dated before Aiden. The anxiety in me the last two days has been overpowering. I have no idea what Aiden will say, and we only just moved in together. I'm terrified that I’m mistiming this conversation, bringing it up too soon.

But after seeing Aiden earlier, how he was with the kids… I know in my heart that I can’t put this off any longer. It has to be tonight.

Aiden gently eases me off of him, pulls on his boxers, and pads to the kitchen. I put my boxers back on, too, then sit down on the couch. Staring into space, turning the ring around and around on my finger. Lost in my thoughts.

I suddenly realize that Aiden is standing there, looking down at me. He’s set two steaming mugs of tea down on the coffee table. Somehow I didn’t notice it happening, didn't hear him come in.

I’m so damn nervous that I can barely look at him.

I tip forward and fold my arms around his legs, pressing my face against his thigh. Aiden goes very still, then slowly sinks his fingers into my hair.

Silence falls for a long moment, and then Aiden pushes me back. He curls his fingers beneath my chin, makes me look up at him.

“Jamie?” he says uncertainly.

More than uncertainly, actually. Pulled back into the present, forced to look into Aiden’s face - I see it all at once. He’s fighting down a burst of panic. His beautiful blue eyes are filled with alarm, wide with distress.

At first I can’t think why, but understanding floods over me in one huge wave.

I’ve been so lost in the depths of my thoughts the last two days, so anxious about talking to Aiden - I must have been acting weird. Now that I think about it, I’ve been unusually quiet and serious, distracted, getting things done on autopilot.

Aiden must have known that something was going on. But he didn’t understand it, because I haven’t explained myself.

He must think that something is seriously wrong.

He hasn’t said anything about it, but as I cast my now-clear mind back over the past two days, I catch things that I missed completely in my distraction.

Aiden’s anxious eyes lingering on me, searching my face. The tentative, uncertain way he started taking off my clothes tonight. The long, slow, luxurious experience he treated me to after he tossed them aside.

The rich, beautiful dinner he spent so long cooking for us tonight. Even the dessert was something particularly complex and labor-intensive. Delicious, creamy, ice-cold booza that Aiden had to go beat every forty-five minutes for several hours. He hand-crushed the fresh pistachios that went on top.

How carefully he added each of the sweet spices to it. How he offered it to me like a gift.

The relief in his eyes earlier, when he saw me smiling at him across the soccer field. When I leaned up to kiss him.

The helpless, panicked way he’s looking at me right now. Like he’s desperately trying to figure out what happened, and whether it’s his fault.

“Oh, Aiden-” I get up and wrap my arms tightly around him, a rush of love and guilt breaking over my head. “I’m so sorry, I-”

Aiden lets out a sharp breath, like he’s just happy that I’m holding him.

“Are we, like-?” His voice is rough, breathless. “What did I do?”

“No, babe - you didn’t do anything wrong!” I hastily draw back and take Aiden's face in my hands. I look right up into his fretful blue eyes, so he can see how much I mean it. “Everything is good, so good! So good that I - feel like maybe there’s some stuff we should talk about.”

Aiden freezes. He stares down at me for a long moment, blinking hard, his eyebrows knitted together.

“What - what's that mean?” he finally asks. Speaking very slowly, even by Aiden standards.

I bite my lip, then take his hands in mine. I sit back down on the couch, drawing him down with me. He turns to sit facing me, and I see that his eyes are still swimming with distress.

I suddenly remember that Aiden can hear my note, too, and I doubt that I’ve been singing happily over the past two days. Not when I’m as anxious and stressed out as I’ve been.

I can tell that Aiden is listening to me right now, and that he’s troubled by what he’s hearing. Makes sense, because I’m kind of freaking out.

I try to draw in a deep inhale, to find my calm and strength.

“Seriously, Sugar Maple.” I meet Aiden's gaze with mine, speaking earnestly and urgently. “Nothing is wrong. I promise you didn’t do anything. I’m so sorry that I made you think you did, but it’s really not that. I’ve just been so fucking nervous to talk to you about this, I - got caught up in my own head.”

Aiden lets out a heavy breath. Some of the fear clears from his face, but not all. And none of the confusion does.

“So…?” he rumbles, searching my eyes with his.

He stops there, but I know what he's asking. What did you want to talk to me about?

I take a deep breath. Commitment stuff has never been easy for me, and it’s a million times harder with Aiden, who I can’t mess things up with. I need to get this right.

“I was-” Heat and color are rising in my cheeks, and I’m painfully aware of the timid stammer in my voice. “We’ve really only barely talked about - just - you know, we’ve been together for a while, and we live together now, so I thought it might be time that we - I - I - you and me-”

“Jamie,” Aiden cuts in, his voice hoarse with mounting desperation, his eyes begging.

“I think maybe we should talk about what we want to do in the future,” I blurt out, before I can think. “About having kids.”

There’s a moment of perfect stillness in the living room. Aiden stares at me, his eyes round and enormous, thunderstruck.

I just stare back at him, blinking very fast, my cheeks practically molten.

Aiden remains staring and silent for what feels like an eternity before finally asking -

“Really? That’s what this is about?”

I nod at him, my heartbeat pounding in my ears. Aiden stares blankly at me for another moment, then slowly turns to sit facing forward. He lets out a huge, long exhale that droops his broad shoulders. Then he sinks down on the couch and tips his head back, pressing his hands over his eyes.

“Aiden?” My racing heart trips over itself, and now I'm the one panicking. “I’m sorry, I just - if that’s something we want to do together one day - and I think - maybe we both do - I know that I-”

Aiden lets out a thin, quiet sound, half a whimper.

I start to reach for him in alarm, then find myself holding very still, staring around at the room. 

“You,” Aiden rumbles, so softly that I can barely hear him. “You really…?”

I don’t answer him. I can’t stop looking at what’s happening around us.

Soft, golden light is slowly rolling through the living room like a morning mist, and within it move fireflies. Brilliant, tiny, minute fireflies. They dance up from the flowing light like sparks at the top of a bonfire, like glowing particles in a shaft of sunshine. Each one has a sparkling little comet tail, golden in that way only Aiden can make things golden.

I finally drag my gaze away from them and back to Aiden. He still has his palms pressed over his eyes, but his bronze skin is glowing softly with Heliomancer light.

He swallows hard. Silently, but I see his Adam's apple move.

I numbly reach out and wrap my fingers around Aiden’s wrists, then gently tug his hands away. He turns his face towards me, and my breath leaves my lungs.

His beautiful blue eyes are shining, full of light. Nothing to do with magic, just purely from him. From his heart. Two endlessly deep reflecting pools, glowing from within, disarmingly shy.

“You know,” he says, suddenly nervous again - “One of them would be a Guardian. No way around it.”

I close my eyes, overcome as the immense bliss that had been spreading through me multiplies at dizzying speeds. I’m not sure if Aiden realizes, but he just told me something about what he wants. One of the kids would be a Guardian. Kids, plural, that’s what that means.

Sounds like Aiden and I are already on the same page about some important things.

“Yeah,” I manage. “I know.”

My eyes are still closed, but the reaction from Aiden briefly turns his light so bright that I sense the glow without having to open them.

“Oh,” he stammers weakly. I open my eyes to find him sinking further down on the couch, looking dazed. “Then - yeah, we can talk about this.”

Something that had been anxiously knotted up in my chest releases all at once. I feel something else, a sense of opening up where it was. I lean towards Aiden without thinking about it, drawn in by some powerful, invisible current flowing between us.

I place myself against my Companion Plant and snuggle my face into his neck. He laughs softly, the warm huffing sound heavy with relief, saturated with love.

“Okay,” I answer, holding Aiden close. “Let’s talk.”