Green Sunflowers

Gone.

Lost.

Sometimes, 

I will

Remember.

His smile,

His voice,

His joy.

And then I remember that I 

Never went to his 

Funeral.

I told myself that because I had work,

It was inevitable.

But that’s not true.

If I didn’t go,

If I didn’t support my sister and 

His other loved ones…

If I didn’t go, 

Then maybe…

Maybe I could pretend that we never lost him.

And then there is the guilt.

Guilt that I didn’t bring a

Sunflower to his memorial.

Guilt that I didn’t hold my sister

When she had lost her friend.

Guilt that whilst I wanted my life to end,

He wanted so much just to…

Live.

But he never had the chance.

But I do have the chance,

So I have to take it.

For him.

For the care he showed me.

For the love he showed me.

For the support he showed me.

For his friendship, and also…

For myself.

Life isn’t fair.

It has never been fair.

But grief teaches you things.

It taught me a lot.

And just when I think I’ve learnt everything that I can,

I will cry myself to sleep,

Thinking of George.

I have lost people before. 

He wasn’t the first, 

And he won’t be the last.

But he was the first to have his life

Ripped from his hands,

When he wanted nothing more than to

Live.

It is so, so unfair.

He was only 

Twenty-one.

We should remember him for the

Kind, funny, bright-hearted person 

That he was, but…

I cannot bring myself to talk about him.

All I am left with is memories.

And the colour green.