I had the idea of skipping school. It was very tempting. So tempting that I almost succumbed to it, but the problem is...

Why don't I want to go to school? Because Logan is there. And what's the problem? I have almost no shining... Does it bother me that Logan will meet me with a punch in the face? This option is quite possible considering how much pain I caused him yesterday. I did it to myself too, not that anyone cares... So Logan may want revenge. But it's not the case.

I feel something unsettling inside. Something I can't put my finger on, shape it,  express it with words. Maybe it's not my feeling?..

I go to school. If Logan acts violently, at least the situation will be clear. I'd prefer to know than to guess, winding myself up. But Logan's desk is empty. Well, maybe he overslept.

Logan's friends from his usual pack are here. And at recess I come down to the canteen, take the food and sit right behind them. It's something new since I always have lunch behind the bleachers. But today is actually cold. And... somehow that place reminds me of Logan.

Yeah... but now I sit behind his friends... Maybe it's an accident.

They chat, and their voices mingle with the noise in the canteen, so I can snatch only a few phrases:

"Nina is a mess now... she's been crying non-stop..."

"He's a firefly but not for her..."

"He's never told anyone..."

"...still knocked out..."

They haven't exactly said it was about Logan, but I think it's all about him.

Suddenly I feel a pang of guilt... what the hell? It's not my problem, not my fault. I'm not responsible for it. So he got drunk or else and exposed himself. What do I have to do with it?

Oh, wait a minute... his shining stayed the same? It's bigger than mine, or he just drew everyone's attention to it no matter how small it was?

If Logan still has shining, then I hit the jackpot! I got rid of it; Logan still can't beat me without hurting himself; I gained control over my body, and, hopefully, my feelings, and my life!

All would be well if it wasn't for this nagging feeling inside me.

The next day Logan doesn't come to school either. In biology, I'm left without a partner for the lab work, but it's fine. I'm used to working alone and having all the credit for my wins and my mistakes. I finish early and am free to go. I wander around the school and look at the glass case on the first floor. There are photos of school sports teams. I look closer at the pictures of football teams of different years. And I notice one thing. Last year Logan played for the school. But this year he is not on the team. Mike and Mitch, his friends, are there, but not Logan.

Pffft... Why do I care?

In PE, I enter the locker room with other guys. I change, not trying to hide much, my shining is not visible from under an ordinary t-shirt. This time the coach doesn't cut me some slack, and I train with everyone.

But without Logan, it's somehow easier. My only concern is that sooner or later he will return... And this expectation only prevents me from enjoying this time.

Nothing more...

I get home, do my homework, watch an episode on Netflix, read, and go to bed a little nervous that tomorrow Logan might show up. But he's not at school again.

In history class, I get Annie as my partner. We have never spoken before, but she is friendly.

"Adam, right?" she smiles. I nod back. "I'm Annie. We didn't seem to talk before. You came from Kansas, right?"

"From Colorado," I correct her. "We're moving because of dad's job."

"Who is he?"

"A surveyor."

"I have no idea what that means," Annie giggles.

"He says where you can build things like houses or roads."

We are waiting for Mr. Walsh to give us an assignment.

"Are you going camping?" Annie asks.

"Yes," I answer. "Are you?"

"I'd rather not, but my mother insists. She thinks that such activity is good for me..." she grins.

"You don't like camping?"

"Well... probably it would be more suitable if I was 12! Bonfire, marshmallows, scary stories, sleeping in tents..."

I don't say that her description even caused a surge of desire in me to go camping, especially the part with scary stories.

"And now I appreciate a stable Internet connection, bathroom, and food not from cans," she smiles.

"I get that," I smile in reply, but I understand that I definitely lack the ability to keep up the conversation. Luckily, Mr. Walsh calls our attention.

"In the envelopes on your tables, you have cards with historical events. Each group has its own. Your task is to find out in 15 minutes whether such an event actually happened. And you can't use phones! But listen to the end, it's important. If you do not know whether this event took place or you know for sure that it didn't, your task is to find the arguments and reasons for which this event would be possible. If your event was real then you need to list the reasons for it. All clear?"

There's a hum of voices in response.

"Okay, let's get started," he says.

I take out the card from the envelope.

"Great Pirate Strike," I read.

Annie bursts out laughing. Mr. Walsh looks up at her, but he doesn't get angry, just nods at her. She continues to laugh silently.

I wonder if we can work together?

"So, what do we know about pirates?"

"They existed!" Annie answers confidently, still smiling.

"Yes, that's for sure," I agree.

"But they didn't work for anyone, only for themselves," she adds more seriously.

"They kind of worked for the government sometimes if they robbed the ships of an enemy state," I say. "Then they were given permission to do this, but I forgot what it was called. For this, they gave the state a part of their loot."

"Okay, let's assume it's true," Annie says. And I like her eagerness; I really feel that we are working together. "So the strike could have happened because this share was too large!" she exclaims and jokingly brushes non-existent dust off her shoulders. "Easy peasy!"

"That's a good idea!" I write it down on a sheet.

"And everything I know about pirates, I learned from the Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I always knew it would come in handy one day," she adds with a laugh. I smile too. We keep throwing more and more absurd ideas, but knowing Mr. Walsh, this is even good. He always says that he likes to see the thought process. At the end of the class, we hand over the completed sheet, because we did not have time to speak and leave the class.

"It was fun!" Annie says. "Later!" And she departs and returns to her friends.

Contented, I go to have lunch in the canteen. Mike and Mitch sit down next to me - there are no more empty seats. I try to ignore them and pretend to watch something on my phone while I eat.

They talk about tomorrow's football practice.

"I was thinking to talk to the coach," Mitch says. "Maybe he'll agree to take Logan back as a substitute at least."

Mike chuckles in response.

"He's not up to it right now. And don't piss off the coach, he's on edge. The game is in a week. Talk after that. Although I don't see the point if Dag doesn't want it."

"He doesn't answer you too?"

"I haven't texted him."

"Is he still hungover?"

"No... I think he's screwing his firefly," Mike grins, and a chill runs down my spine.

"Fuck... I wonder what it's like?" Mitch peers into his shirt as if checking out the shining he doesn't have. "Is it really so different than without it?"

Mike shrugs.

"If you want to know, go rub yourself on Logan, you might get infected, but I wouldn't. You never know what else you'll pick up," Mike laughs. "Are you going to Skydive tonight?"

"Nah... I have things to do," Mitch replies. They finish their lunch and leave.

And I stay. They reminded me about Logan, and it led me to two thoughts.

For some reason, I hate to think that Logan is screwing someone else... And secondly, I want to know what's going on with him. Because that feeling of restlessness has returned, and again it feels heavy in my chest.

In the next class, I'm distracted and feel somehow misplaced. Instead of taking notes on the subject, I scribble in the corner of the page. I'm plunged in my thoughts until a teacher calls on me.

"Adam!"

"Yes!" I startle.

"Please read the first paragraph."

"Yes..." I start flipping through the textbook.

"Page nine." The teacher is irritated.

"Yes. Sorry." And I start to read.

In the evening at dinner, I sit at the table with my parents. I look at my phone and don't pay attention to their conversation until my mom suddenly says, "Oh, by the way, that dinner we were invited to at the end of the week. Jeanne canceled it."

"Why?" Dad inquires.

"Her daughter got sick..."

"Something serious?"

"It's hard to say... I didn't ask, but she seems to have shining."

I tense up and begin to listen carefully, still pretending that all my attention is on the phone.

"I thought shining was not a disease," dad says, sipping from a mug.

"Well, as I understand it, people react differently to it. For some, it seems to be exhausting."

"Doesn't sound very nice," dad smirks.

I am silent, trying to feel my state. I haven't seen Logan for 3 days, and I don't feel any signs of exhaustion. If what I did that day worked, I can give advice on how to get rid of shining. Good start-up. But for some reason, this thought makes me uncomfortable.

"Anyway, the dinner is canceled. So, Friday night is free," says mom.

"We can go somewhere else," dad offers; a smile blooms on mom's face.

"What do you have in mind?"

Dad smiles at her too. Shining would be perfect for them! This thing has no logic!

I leave them and go to my room. It's strange... I should be happy for my parents, but instead, I feel lonely.

I try to buck up. I'll have it all! It's not like I'm gonna die alone! I probably would if I still had shining as it was. Logan and I till the end of the days. I laugh aloud.

The tube of ointment is still in the drawer of the table. I couldn't throw it away... More precisely, I left it just in case. Which case? I'm not sure. But I would never want to experience such pain again. I wonder what Logan had to do to alleviate it. Or he never managed to stop it?

Thoughts keep me awake. Somehow, the memory of the pain is much more vivid than the reason that caused me to experience it. And by the way, Logan attacked me, harassed me. I defended myself. Maybe I went too far. But Logan was wrong. Again.