‘Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!!’

          The curses run through my head like a speeding bullet as I rush around the room, it has been over two weeks since the glasses incident and the headache has gotten far worse than I could ever imagine. I should have feed on someone by this point but NO! My stubborn obsession in mind digs its very nails into my thoughts with ever inkling of feeding from someone else. Gods do I hate my weary mind most of the time, better yet I hate my whole existence right now! The itching against the base of my skull driving the ache deeper.

          Newton has luckily passed out by this point; he will not be up for a couple of hours so that should give me some time. Dropping down beside my bed my arm stretches out to grab a small black bag underneath. Holding it to my chest for a minute with one hand the other pulling myself off the floor and towards the door. Making sure it was locked I walk back over to the bed. Removing the contents, a small clear bottle that seemed to light up at my touch, and an EpiPen like injector. Laying the bag off to the side.

          Newtons tired groan reaches my ears causing me to freeze up, holding the items against my chest, my eyes drawing over to his sleeping form. After a long minute, I release the breath I held the grasp over the items loosening.

          For the past few years, I have had my mother send me what she lovingly calls ‘Liquid Pheromones.’ Something to help with my loose feedings. She thankfully does not mind that my obsession is a werewolf what seems to be upsetting her now is what I did to him. The day of the accident she already knew I had some part to play, even as reluctant as it was. But Newton would always tell people the reason we stopped talking was the crowds we shifted to. If that were true, I would not be trying to shove this damn needle into my leg right now…

          No, all because of one stupid night I had slipped up and forgot. One stupid night that my anger got the better of me and I just wanted him to leave my thoughts. I never believed my mom about obsessions, shit her and my dad never showed that to me growing up, so it had to be all bullshit. That was before ever thought that ever graced my mind was about him, circled him like I was a planet, and he was my sun. The pain behind it hurt so much, I hated it so much, I tried everything to make it stop.

          Shoving him in lockers over the weekend, throwing his lunch out the windows, even throwing his books into the trash any chance I could tear them from his grasp, anything. But it never seemed to quell that ache that began to make itself known. Never changed the happy go lucky attitude that always seemed to meet me every day. Up until the shutdown.

          When everything boiled over and everything became numb.

          Putting the EpiPen away, I make everything scarce. Luckily, he hadn’t moved much beside pulling his pillow close to his face as he had kicked his sheets off of himself.

          ‘Why out of all people does it have to be this one to make my very heart ache…’

          Falling back against my comforter the thudding behind my eyes calms down to a low tingling sensation the ‘medicine’ making itself known against my prickled skin. Closing my eyes, the silence is quick to be broken as Newton juts forward falling off his bed his body nearly shifting right there his eyes are wild and frantic as they fly about the room wider than I had ever seen them.

          ‘SHIT!’

          Pushing off the bed I fall onto the floor in front of him my hands flying up to grab either side of his face. Which for it being me is one of the stupidest plans I could have produced in a long time.

          “HEY! Hey, look at me Newton! It’s okay, you’re okay!” I try to keep a low voice as I pull his head over my shoulder, racking my fingers through the mass of fur that began to form. His body is shaking so much, what in the hell was he dreaming about. “Deep breaths okay, deep breaths.” I repeat those words like a mantra, continuing to weave my fingers through his hair till his body grew limp in my arms. “Newt? Nerd are you okay?”

          “What happened?” He finally questioned, lifting his head off my shoulder a cold sweat against his body as the wolf part of him ebbed away. Backing up he squints his eyes to give me his best confused look in his tired stat. “Why was I leaning on you?” He finally questions, lifting his hand to rub the sleep form his eyes.

          “You tell me nerd, you’re the one that almost wolfed out?” I retort the look of confusion ever deepening as he falls back against his bed. That is when it dawns on me. “You don’t recall anything from the last few minutes, do you?” Shaking his head, he pulls his knees as close to his chest as he could, laying hie hands over his face as he spoke.

          “One minute I was out the next I’m leaning against your shoulder with no recollection whatsoever. Why are we on the floor anyway? Did I really almost shift?”  He bombarded me with questions, his head moving from his hand to look at me. Nodding he all but throws his head back a groan falling from his lips. “Thought I stopped doing that…” He grumbles, sounding almost disappointed.

          For a minute I want to ask him what he means by that but as my eyes grace the clock beside his bed something else comes to mind.

          “If you are going you be okay, I got to get back to sleep. I got classes at eight today and I can’t be half dead worried about you shifting unexpectedly.” I should have worded that better but right now my mind is against other things. Stretching he gets up, using the bed as support as he moves towards the closest.

          “Yeah, yes I’m good. Just-“ He pauses for a minute almost reluctant to tell me, but he gives in with a sigh. “ I need to go out for a run. I’ll give you my keycard when I get back.” Gathering up some clothes, his phone, glasses, and keycard off his bedside before heading towards the door.

          “Alright, see you later nerd.” With those words behind him, Newton leaves the door locking and leaving me in the semi-darkness of our room. ‘Shit…’ The curse falls from my lips as soon as he was gone. Pulling the shirt off I could not help but bury it into my face a calm sigh leaving my lips. Crawling back into bed, time all but stops. My fingers moving lazily as the ache against my gut grew.

          Snapping out just as quickly as Newton’s alarm blared loudly behind me. Curses falling from my lips like a waterfall as I throw the shirt across the room. Getting to my feet they feel like jelly, I could barely stand as I stumble a bit towards the closet. Grabbing some clothes, I take a quick shower and prepare for the most boring lecture of my life.

***

          ‘I can’t fucking believe myself! Did I seriously almost shift in our room!? I thought I had control over this, or at least had more of an understanding with my counterpart. Why the hell was I shifting for anyway? No better yet. How the hell did Derek out of all people calm me down?! Am I losing it…? I got to.’

          “I need to call my mom… this is ridiculous.” I mumble to myself my thoughts all but ramped as I step out of the front doors of our complex. Fixing my glasses as I go. Out of the corner of my eye the security guard gives me an odd look as I moved to walk past him. ‘Probably thinking the same thing, I am. I’ve lost my mind.’ Searching my pockets, I pull my phone out and dial my mothers number hoping she was awake at this hour.

          Her voice quickly meeting my eardrum as relief washed over me.

          “What’s wrong sweetie?”

          “Ma, I almost shifted in my fucking sleep again… What in the hell is going on? Derek out of all people calmed me down. Derek, Mr. High and mighty had helped me!” I try not to shout as a hum comes from her throat.

          “Are you going out for a run?” The question does not surprise me, she can hear the wind against me as I rushed over to the forest trail. About a good mile form where the track team has been meeting if the smell of sweat has not steered my nose wrong. “Be careful. Unfamiliar places, unfamiliar problems. Remember what I taught you?”

          “Yes, I’m going to put my clothes somewhere high and make sure no one can see me. I should be okay, but I- I just wanted to talk to you.” The words that fall from her side reveal the smile.

          “It’s okay sweetie. Homesickness is a part of growing up. Just keep doing what you are doing, and things will be okay.” She pauses and after a moment and a soft chuckle she questions aloud. “So, you’re rooming with Derek?”

          Shaking my head, I was semi-prepared for this. Even after the events of high school my mother has had a strange semi-hatred towards Derek and his parents. More so because they are demons then anything else. But over the years she has gotten over it and befriended Derek’s mom. Which had been some of the weirdest interactions in my life.

          Finding an overgrown spot, I keep a good grip on my stuff and pull myself up into the nearest tree. Tossing my stuff up against the trunk, I jump back down.

          “Yeah, weirder than I thought it would be.” I respond, pulling my shirt up over my head. Tossing it up there as she hums once more.

          “I will ask you what that means later. You two have fun.” Giving a quick ‘okay’ in response the dial tone hits my ears. Getting my phone up into the tree, I duck down to pull my pajama pants off.

          Taking a deep breath, the shift itself is like second nature. What I cannot get over is the pain that follows it. Gritting my teeth, bones pop and shift. Pain dropping me to my knees searing up every nerve. Would I ever get used to it? That question always seems to dance around my thoughts. Until it stops, leaving nothing but a sense of rushing hunger through me and only then is when I let go.