Logan is not at school again. It's already Thursday.

Mrs. Kerry looks around the classroom and asks, "Is Logan absent again? Is he sick?"

Mike speaks from behind me.

"Yes, he is sick. He's been having a fever all week."

I don't know if Mike is lying to cover for a friend, but this makes me uneasy.

"I see," says Mrs. Kerry, pursing her lips.

I can't concentrate on the lecture. My returned anxiety is not affected by my thoughts that I was only defending myself.

That pain from shining was severe; it burned but not for real. My skin is intact. So Logan must be ok too. Maybe he's sick after the party and the alcohol and everything else. He has friends; they will look after him. I should be happy that I got rid of shining! Almost. It's still here, but I don't feel the urge to recharge it. To see Logan. To think about him. I mean, yeah, I think about him, but it's not because of shining. I mean... it came out wrong. I worry because I... might have hurt him... physically.

Though I know it's unlikely, I can't stop thinking about it... I come back home, and the first thing I do is get on all fours and start searching for the piece of paper - Logan's note with his number. I find it under the table and add his contact to my phone. As I see he uses the same messenger as I do. I open his profile, there is a picture of him, I guess. It's hard to tell. A guy in the picture has a hood, his head is tilted, and he portrays horns with his index fingers, tongue stuck out, and his eyes crossed with green x-es. Well, maybe it's not Logan's picture but suits him. My profile picture? Sea. Deep dark blue. I just love water, and I'd love to see an ocean one day.

Anyway, when I open the chat with Logan, I see he was online today at noon. So he's alive at least. I look at the empty chat window and think. Maybe I should write something?

Like what?

I'm sorry.

What? I'm not sorry! I was defending myself! Maybe I went overboard, but it was the right thing to do! He should have known better than to take an advantage of me!

I would have done it again... well, maybe I wouldn't have said all the things I said, but aside from that...

The next day Logan's desk is empty again. What the fuck?

I try to replay that day at Logan's. Why do I even care? Shining doesn't eat my strength away, but I do! Ok, I've said too much. But I can't believe he doesn't go to school because I shattered his fragile heart! Does he avoid me?

It's hard to believe that Logan is actually afraid to meet me. What about his shining? If he still has it and it is bigger than mine, doesn't that mean he needs to recharge? Maybe he got weak and can't go to school?.. What if...

I've read on the internet that shining ones can die if they refuse to be together, but you can't actually believe everything they say on the internet. What if I destroyed my shining (almost), and Logan's shining can't synchronize with mine now, and thus it can't recharge, and it drains Logan out till he dies?

I open the messenger and see that Logan was online tonight at... 3 a.m. Couldn't sleep?

Fuck. I became obsessed! It's worse than shining! Damn it!

I just need to get it out! What's the point to wind myself up?

I worry - true. I do feel guilty because I've said too much. When he stopped, I didn't stop. I kept pushing and pushing, hurting him and myself. It was wrong.

Logan did wrong too. But two wrongs don't make a right. So I need to take responsibility for myself at least and do something right. So I'll go and check on him... and apologize... maybe... maybe not. I bet he doesn't feel guilty at all!

Easier said than done... Today's Friday, and Logan never showed up. His friends haven't talked about him anymore.

It's going to rain. I go home past Logan's house. It looks dark and deserted. Maybe Logan moved?..

I come home, skip dinner because I just can't eat, and go to my room. I take the phone, open the messenger and start to type.

"It's Adam. You gave me your number. Are you ok?"

I erase the last sentence and type: "I'm sorry I said too much. I didn't mean it."

But I meant it. Otherwise, I think it would not have worked. I felt it, and I said it.

I erase the message and lay on my bed. Maybe it's easier face to face... I don't remember the last time I apologized to a friend... Well, I don't really have one.

Tomorrow we'll go camping! I need to sleep! Screw it all...

I dive under the blanket and close my eyes.

What if Logan dies because of it?

Shit! I throw the blanket aside and get up. I need to get this over with!

I storm out of my room, throw a jacket over and go outside. It's already dark. Rain comes streaming down. I run to Logan's house.

This is so stupid. So so stupid. But I couldn't do otherwise. It tortured me enough.

Logan's house is dark. I approach the porch. Rain is drumming on the roof.

I knock on the door. No answer. I knock again, and the door pushes open. I hear voices coming from the depth of the house. The noise of rain doesn't let me make out words. And then I hear a loud angry scream, and it strikes me with fear and cold. I open the door and let myself in. My heart is racing...

My eyes go straight ahead to the only light source. The door to Logan's room is open, voice is coming from there. I make a few steps forward. And it becomes clearer and clearer. The image. The sound.

"Fucking piece of shit! You have no respect! Do you know what respect is, huh? Answer when I'm talking to you!" It's Logan's father. He stands bending over someone else. I can see only one foot of that someone, but I'm sure it's Logan, who else? Judging by the voice, Logan's father is drunk. Logan's voice is very weak, I almost do not hear it.

"Louder!" roars Mr. Douglas. "No what?"

Faint and almost inaudible voice in reply.

"What?" He repeats. "Sir! Sir!"

And then he swings and hits... This sound makes my insides freeze. It seems like I went deaf, and this sound of the hit rings in my ears like the last sound of my life.

But there are more sounds. More rage, more screams, more slaps... And a feeble distant cry.

I want to step back, call for help... but I can't move. My eyes locked on the picture in front of me.

I need to stop this. I need to stop it somehow. I wonder if I still shone full force, would it make me brave? Logan saved me in that alley. He was alone against three people at least. Did shining make him brave?

I (almost) don't shine anymore, but doesn't Logan still deserve my help?