(Kyra's Interlude)

The bridge was full of people hanging out on the sidewalk, illuminated by the light of newly-installed street lamps. Motorcycles were parked all along the curb as people sat together and shared food from the food sellers passing by.

This was a regular hangout spot for Kyra and her undergrad friends, especially on Saturday nights when they used to forget about their theses for the night and relax. There they were now, sitting on their parked motorcycles and laughing at each other’s jokes while Kyra leaned on the railing. 

The weight of their theses was no longer on their shoulders and they had all put aside their thoughts of future plans for the night. She smiled every now and then to let them know she was present, but her mind was elsewhere. The trees swayed gently in the breeze and Kyra took a sip of her drink.

She could understand Chandra and what she had said, but it didn’t make things hurt any less. 

She should’ve known it was too much to hope that Chandra was also into girls. She had always wondered about it, but it was too late to ask her now. Kyra should’ve brought up her queerness to Chandra earlier, or she should’ve at least slowed down and expressed her feelings properly while they sat at the same table.

Should’ve, should’ve, should’ve… And now Chandra would be headed off to the city, no longer a table away. No longer a sticky note away. 

It had been hard not to hope, though. Kyra had been drawn to her the moment she had seen Chandra with her hand stuffed in the pocket of her baggy jeans, shouldering her backpack over her button-up. Chandra was intelligent and kind, patient and easy-going. And very attractive. Chandra reminded her that she could still find meaning in a major that she ended up in as a compromise.

And they had spent so much time together. They had shared so many meals and so many discussions on life and its many experiences. They even danced together in the studio that Kyra cherished the most. How cool it would’ve been if they could be together as something other than friends.

But Kyra couldn’t hate her. Maybe Kyra had misread all of their interactions and Chandra had no romantic inclination towards her whatsoever. Or maybe Chandra wasn’t in a place to have a romantic bond with anyone at the moment. Whatever the situation was, it was over now.

Kyra laughed bitterly and raised her face to the moon. “Ah, Chandra. How you’ve made a mess out of me.”

***

The sun eventually rose the next morning and with it, came the arrival of graduation day. Excitement filled the air as the graduates filed into the campus auditorium. It almost made the air quiver, as if all their racing hearts in one room made the air join them in their excitement. 

It also made the auditorium very warm. Chandra tugged at the collar of her button-up under her graduation gown. Though she had stood her ground to wear a suit jacket instead of a kebàya, she could feel the sweat trickle down the back of her collar. The AC was whirring quietly in the background of the university president’s speech, but it didn't quite reach her. 

She was sitting near the front and Elga was a couple of rows behind her, but Biru was sitting all the way in the back. They were mixed in with the other graduates from the Faculty of Social and Political Sciences, among the International Relations and Criminology majors. And somewhere in the middle, was Kyra. 

Chandra had only caught a glimpse of her earlier when they were waiting to line up in front of the auditorium. Kyra had been laughing with her friends who were teasing each other about how dressed-up they were. Chandra hadn’t made eye contact with her and it made her chest ache.

She had been hesitant to message Kyra the night before and was even more hesitant to approach her in person. Kyra had been gentle but firm with her “Don’t worry about it” last night, and Chandra was keen on respecting her boundaries. Whether that meant she couldn't speak to Kyra at all was something she wasn't sure about.

Her peers suddenly started applauding and she jolted out of her thoughts. She quickly joined them in their applause and heard the MC announce that they would begin calling the graduates up to the stage. Chandra took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, attempting to return her thoughts in order. She hoped to at least smile when it was her time to cross the stage.

“From the Faculty of Social and Political Sciences, bachelor degree graduates please rise.”

Chandra straightened her graduation gown and stood up to follow her peers. With the strength of another inhale, she finally raised her head. She was graduating, afterall. 

The cherished Professor Maria, her thesis advisor, began smiling at the anthropology students in line and Chandra straightened her spine. She took another breath and put on her best face before it came time for her to cross the stage.

“Chandraputri Prawiraharja.” 

Chandra smiled and walked up the steps to shake the university president’s hand and then the faculty dean's hand, bringing her hand up to her chest to complete the greeting. When she finally received her diploma in her hands, the surface of its cover responded by finding its home beneath her palms. 

She felt a soaring joy rise inside of her chest and her smile grew to be genuine. She smiled at Professor Maria as she passed by her on the stage, placing her hands together in greeting. She then turned towards the audience, not quite seeing where her sister was seated, but smiling in her general direction anyway. 

“Elgaputri Bilondatu.”

Elga was grinning wide when she stepped on the stage. Chandra couldn’t help but grin with her, feeling her joy that she had finally made it through. 

Elga would begin working for an art museum soon and it was clear that she was happy, something she had dreamed of being ever since they both started the anthropology program. Elga winked at her when they had settled back into their seats and they exchanged a set of smiles. 

“Kyra Alice Saliem.” 

A whoo! rose up from where the guests were seated and laughter in the auditorium followed. It seemed to have come from Kyra’s family, specifically from her two older brothers. 

Chandra watched as Kyra went up the steps. Her feet seemed to almost dance across the stage when she shook the hands of the university officials and received her diploma. Chandra knew that Kyra had been waiting for this moment for a very long time. It was like seeing someone breathe cool air for the first time in years, the weight on Kyra's shoulders shedding from her body like flower petals.

Maybe Chandra should say something to her afterwards, one last thing before they parted ways. But what should she say? A simple congratulations or an even simpler hello? 

But when Kyra began heading back towards her seat, Chandra jolted and lowered her graduation cap over her eyes. She wasn’t sure Kyra would want to see her and wasn’t sure she herself was prepared for whatever face Kyra might make if their eyes met. 

Chandra could only quietly wish Kyra a congratulations in her heart as she walked past, hoping she could now go on to chase after her dreams.

“Yohanes Biru Hutahaean.”

Biru was among the last anthropology grads to walk the stage. He looked as excited as he was this morning when he had run up to Chandra and Elga, joy so plainly written on his face. He wriggled his fingers at Chandra when he walked past and Chandra laughed, wriggling her fingers at him in return. 

The ceremony finally ended with thunderous applause and cheers, and Chandra was finally able to loosen her tie under her graduation gown. 

Her sister quickly found her among the crowd and came running, a bouquet of flowers in one hand and arms spread out in a flying hug. Kartika launched herself into Chandra's arms, squealing her congratulations. Chandra laughed as Kartika squeezed her tight and she hugged her sister dearly in return. Their mother looked at her diploma approvingly. 

Chandra eventually spotted her thesis advisor after taking pictures with Elga and Biru. Professor Maria Jayanti always cut an authoritative, intelligent figure wherever she went, and it made her students both fear her and gravitate towards her. 

Her short, graying hair was styled in waves around her ears today and her round glasses were polished clean. Chandra had to wait behind a stream of graduates and their families who were greeting her.

“Prof Maria.” Chandra nodded politely when she finally reached her, bending to shake her hand.

“Ah, Chandra.” Professor Maria smiled. “On your way out into the world with a degree, I see.”

“Yes, Prof.” Chandra smiled in return. “It was thanks to your guidance and help that I was able to finish. Thank you very much.” 

“Oh, I don’t think I honed anything that wasn’t already there. You were a stellar student, Chandra.”

“Ah,” Chandra laughed, scratching the back of her neck. “I was just lucky that I liked what I studied, Prof. And that it became a passion of mine.”

“Passion, indeed. Your thesis was very good.” Professor Maria smiled again, reaching over to pat her shoulder. “Just remember to let go of your assumptions once in a while, hmm? That’s where a lot of meaning can be found, you know.”

Chandra blinked in surprise. She smiled, though unsure of how she should respond, and nodded. “Yes, Prof. I will try my best.”