While I was having my breakfast the next morning, I was capable of turning the TV set on in no time. Yeah, this meant I didn't disconnect it as I was supposed to. It gotta have watched me eat my corn flakes with some slices of fruits. So even my diet is no longer safe! Nevermind.
Here's my first or third mistake depending on your viewpoint, the evilish black box has heard me utter lots of harsh words against Prince Hamlet. I won't mention any of them here as a means to prevent the good old censors from knocking on my door at any moment. By the way, my dear censors, you're the best! Thank you for working so hard. REALLY, I do appreciate it...
By the way, you're a bastard, Slime Face! I hate your songs, I despise your very same pitchy tone of voice. You're a real moron! You deserve to be executed by insurgents. To be totally honest with you, you're a real plague! What are you waiting for? Come over here and get a taste of my knuckle sammich, darn blockhead! You son…
Something has caught all of my attention, what could it be? Hrm, it's my reliable cellphone. Let me read my recent notifications now. Wow, there are a lot, more than I’ve ever received in a single day. For instance, I won a trip to Bangalore but I don't remember when exactly did I send any voucher or ticket anywhere. Incredibly suspicious. Err, nope, I've never asked to get a second credit card. Guys, let me finish this first. Surely, it might take me a few minutes so stay tuned!
Now I'm finished. The only relatively important SMS I've found so far was sent by some anonymous sender. It said "We got your message. We did and have already learned that you have pulled a trick to fool us by stating you hated a third party when you were actually addressing His Majesty Prince Hamlet himself."
What the frozen hell!? How could they know anything about this brand new chapter? Hell no! Don’t ever buy their dubious story! I’m not admiting, and never will, that they got it right. The fact is I never did commit such a crime. From that moment on I’m seriously suspecting that my grumpy Jennifer is playing me a joke, a dark and mean one indeed. Thus I better confirm my suspicions at once or else…
"Hey, hey! What's my favorite prankster doing this warm morning?" I text her immediately.
"Moron!" my girl calls me from the bottom of her eternally sweet heart. "How dare you call me a prankster? Now you're gonna eat that gross synthetic meat Portals sells at Walred's and drink decaf coffee for next couple of months! And who ever said it was warm? It’s freaking cold, you idiot!"
Forty five minutes later I are still unable to link that creepy message to any of my contacts. On the street the temperature is high enough as to go outside without wearing any jacket or sweater. You gotta know a cold drop is falling down, walking through my baffled countenance at a slow pace.
I’m sitting on my couch right now, a crow recently cawed and placed a Cold Omen beer can on the table. Yeah, it’s the same brand as the one I’ve found inside my fridge last night. Gladly, I’m grabbing it as a way to quickly divert my attention from my paranoia. Did I just say that a darn crow was my assistant now!? What the hell!?
There’s no obvious way they could have entered my place on their own. All windows were shut right after I grew tired of those pesky birds. It’s self evident by now that I had to find a way to scare them away from here, and it seemed to have worked for a few hours only. Right now I’m double checking the locks and everything appears to be normal. Is this stalker crow some sort of ancient wizard!?
My front door now is quite active as well, somebody is knocking on it. I haven’t been able to properly deal with this black feather madness, still, the noise compelled me to open the door and see what would happen next. The person behind it is a girl scout. At the same time I’ve got a feeling there’s something missing but I can’t tell you what it is for the moment.
“Caw! Caw!” the raven like monster’s yelling while attacking the young girl with its strong peck for no reason, in my humble opinion.
“Aw, aw! Stupid crow!” the scout shouts in desperation before leaving, followed by the bird.
You got me, I closed the door while they were busy fighting each other, he, he. Nope, I don’t feel bad about that and I never will. I can’t stop repeating myself, I Fred never will. That bastard crow deserves it, such creature should have never slipped into my apartment in the nighttime.
Densetsu no Gema also known as The Gamer’s Legend, I almost forgot I have a date there at eleven o’clock. No, it’s not what you’re thinking, I’m not cheating on my lovely Jenny. Not at all. Well, sort of. It’s complicated as always, you know. There’s no way I’d tell you that I wanna dump her, what’s happening here is that I’m free to make new friends.
Such an arcade, owned by some Japanese weirdo, seems to be the best place to begin with. It offers lots of classic games as well as many new hits and we really need to test them all. Of course, only time will tell what might happen next at the store. By the way, her friend Jake would serve as our chaperon, there’s no doubt about that. Darn bummer!
“Yeah! Jake just confirmed he’ll come along!” my friendly companion told me, making me feel kind of discouraged to say the least.
I’m going to the bathroom to take a shower but not before I make my classic boombox play some power metal. My favorite characters of the adventurous saga “Looking for a Save Point” would certainly love those songs. Yeah, baby! Let’s do it!
Refreshing indeed. I won’t deny I badly needed that shower and the eclectic music, of course. Huh? The door is ringing, I wonder how that person managed to turn that on. You see, I hate that fake bell ring like nothing else in my entire life. Oh well! I guess I’d go open it and see who’s there.
“Hi Fred!” my newly made friend Vanessa the hottie told me. “Are you ready for rumble? Because I surely am, damn it!”
“Oh yes! I’m very positive about that!” I reply at once.
To be honest with you, my virtual friends, I really like this girl. She’s not exactly thin, still, what male needs such a living skeleton as a date? She was curvy enough to keep me interested for quite a long time. If Vanessa were a dessert, she’d be tiramisu. Complex but well mixed, they’re just fantastic! It’s not like I’m now pretending to be an expert on dishes anyway.
“Very well, let’s get going, homie!” my guest’s strongly suggesting.
The trip isn’t that bad, I manage to make her laugh and grab her tender hand. Everything is going super duper so to say till Jake finally interrupts us like the imbecile he is. Yeah, I know him and there’s a good reason why he’ll never become a friend of mine. He’s a darn commie. I’d even stand a socialist but not a commie! You see, commies would make us lose all of our dear entertaining videogames. Thus I truly believe he’s just another hypocrite.
“It’s great we’re gonna play lots of fun games, yet, we’d never play Castle Wolfenburg” the communist is showing his true colors in a blink of an eye. He’s gotta have set a new world record indeed!
“Fine, we’ll play a multiplayer session of Castle Wolfenburg first!” my darling exclaims, impressing me immediately.
“Yeah, a first person shooter sounds terrific, guys!” I’m compelled to say here.
Our travel is ending after reaching the Densetsu no Gema, a place with a large and modern sign with nice colors. Other customers are laughing out loud, others are eating either hot dogs or burgers there. We can do pretty much everything and have a lot of fun here I suspect.
“Sir, you must now let me use this spray on your nose if you ever wanna enter this store” the guard sternly inform us.
Vanessa and I are very confused, why do we need to let him spread some mysterious liquid all over our faces? It sounds absurd and disrespectful from the very beginning. There was no such need to upset customers like that.
Jake has the explanation on it “It appears it’s a new security protocol they’ve implemented since I last visited this place, guys.”
He had never stopped blocking my advances that otherwise would have ended conquering her warm heart and now he doesn’t hesitate to bring us some bad news. What a terrible timing, Worm Jake!
“That’s not good enough to justify their nasty demands!” I make my position quite clear. “We’re fine the way we are. Sir. Now let’s get in, guys.”
Obviously, the guard doesn’t allow us to slip in at all and we’re growing impatient. I can’t stand it anymore, I fight him and grab his spray can. Guess what? I’m using it against him, he, he. Nope, he doesn’t like the feeling at all.
“That’s exactly what you deserved, you moron!” I yell at him.
It seems my feat didn’t go unnoticed for long. Another employee now shows up, let’s see if we can solve this in a timely fashion. Hopefully we’ll skip all this spray mess thanks to her.
“What’s happening here, Bud?” the clerk asked him.
I’m so pissed with his lame explanation on the subject at hand that I’m not gonna type it here. After those lies I seriously doubt the young woman will ever help us. Damn it!
“How weird!” the female employee uttered. “That’s only necessary if they enter the chambers. The rest of our dear customers can enter the store just like that. Let me take that spray back to the counter.”
Thanks, lady! You made our darn day! I truly mean it, darling!
“But not you, sir!” the woman commanded. “I’m afraid you’re a real threat and we can’t let you in.”
“Hey! That’s not my fault!” I had to make her understand somehow. “This wannabe guard pretended to force us to go through something we weren’t supposed to in the first place!”
“Based on what I’ve witnessed, I can’t say you’ll behave while staying here” the no longer funny lady states now, disappointing me heavily.
“If you stop pushing us to unwillingly accept that experimental treatment of yours” yours truly explained her. “I can guarantee you we all will be fine. Plus that guard has never tried to apply the spray on that guy over there for some unknown reason. So I do think the badge guy’s motives were entirely personal.”
For some instant she was checking out the can and her countenance is now changing a bit. I guess she’s trying to hide the whole situation has been a mess from the very beginning. I’m not surprised, his insistence was quite suspicious since the very first minute. You can tell I’m pretty sure about this.
“OK, let’s do this!” the clerk finally changes her mind. “Now just let me put this stamp on the back of your hand, sir.”
“Nope, not on my right hand!” I had to complain. “Take my left hand if you wanna.”
“Why did you said that, Fred?” an ignorant Vanessa queries.
“Please be careful and follow suit, darling!” I recommend her then. “Later on there’ll be time to provide you with all the details.”
That’s how we both got our phosphorescent stamps. In Jake’s case his mark is placed on his right hand, exactly what a loser like him ever needed, ha, ha!
Pffft, here’s another of Jenny’s text messages, I better read it before she starts complaining about everything, blaming some unknown conspiracy for my tardiness.
“Be ware of the commies! They’re after your kids! Keep them safe!” her text claims.
Excuse me, I do need to cough for a moment. You gotta recall when I warned you she was a real loony and you’d prefer not to ever face her, right? This time I definitely think we’ve got no evidence of that and Jake’s just an idiot who couldn’t plan anything that complex even if given a million years to do so. Oh and a crow is cawing… again.
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