I hope all of your dreams come true!

The trees swayed gently in the breeze the night the graduation ceremony ended. A cloudless sky accompanied a pair of running feet that raced through the streets. Backpack and duffel bag on her shoulders and shoelaces tucked into her shoes, Chandra ran to Elga’s house.

The night air was stinging, prickling through her nostrils as she ducked into an alleyway that connected the main road to Elga’s neighborhood. Her bags jostled by her side as she made her way through the row of houses.

“Dra?” Elga’s eyes widened when she opened the door. “Are you okay?”

Chandra knew that she looked worse for wear. She stood there panting, willing her breath to return to normal as she felt the dried tear-tracks crinkle on her cheeks and her disheveled shirt wrinkle under the straps of her bags.

“Dra?” There was more worry in Elga’s voice now as she swung the door wider. 

“Can I… Can I come in?” 

Chandra almost didn't recognize her own voice.

“Of course you can.” Elga gently took her by the shoulder to guide her inside. “What happened? Have you eaten yet?”

Chandra quietly shook her head at the second question. Elga led her to her room, gently pulling Chandra’s bags off of her shoulders. “I’m gonna grab some food for you. You sit here, okay?”

Chandra nodded gratefully before gingerly falling to the floor, legs folding beneath her. She could feel her phone vibrating in her pocket but she ignored it, mustering up the energy to wipe her face and tuck away the flyaway hairs behind her ear. 

Elga returned with a plate of rice, fried tempe, and stir-fry kangkung, handing Chandra a spoon and a fork. “Sorry this is all we have right now. I’ll get you more later if you’re still hungry.”

Chandra shook her head. “This is more than enough, El. Thank you. Are… Are your parents still up?”

“My mom is, but she’s going to bed.”

“Oh, let me greet her first.” Chandra began to stand but Elga gently held her back.

“You don’t have to.” Elga smiled, placing the utensils back in Chandra’s hands. “I told her that you might need some time. Now eat.”

Chandra could feel her nose prickle again and she lowered her head. “Thank you, El.”

 Elga patted her hands. “Don’t mention it.”

They stayed in silence as Chandra ate, Elga resuming what she had perhaps been doing before, tidying the notebooks and sheets of paper on her floor. Elga was usually the loud one in their group, but she knew when her friends needed time before they were ready to speak. It was something that Chandra cherished about her and something she was grateful for in this moment.

“Have you eaten yet?” Chandra finally asked, pushing the vegetables and rice onto the spoon with her fork. She placed it in her mouth.

“I did. I was so hungry after graduation.” Elga sighed and leaned back on her hands. “Who knew that taking photos in that gown was so exhausting?”

Chandra let out a quiet laugh. “I know what you mean.” She crossed her spoon and fork on the now-empty plate and set it on the floor. “Thank you for the food, El.”

“No problem.” Elga looked at Chandra. “You… wanna tell me what happened, Dra?”

Chandra picked at the cuticles of her fingers. “It’s kind of a lot, El.”

“I’m here to listen.” Elga situated herself comfortably in front of Chandra. “Ah—but Biru’s coming over to return my binders, by the way. I can tell him to turn back if you’d like.”

Chandra shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I think it’d be nice if he was here too.”

Elga gave her a smile. “Okay.” Her phone vibrated on the bed. “That might be him, actually.”

As soon as Biru entered the room, he gasped and dropped to his knees. “Dra? Are you okay?”

Chandra smiled at him through her eyelids that were beginning to swell. “Hey, B.”

“Dra.” Biru glanced at Elga before setting his bag aside and moving to sit next to her. “What happened?” 

“Well... It’s kind of a lot.” 

“I don't mind,” Biru said.

“I don't mind either,” Elga added, taking a seat on Chandra’s other side. 

Chandra looked at the floor and the in-betweens of the tiles before shifting her gaze to her friends. She opened her mouth and her voice nearly cracked. “It’s my mom. We fought again, but this time it was pretty bad.”

The two friends shifted closer and reached over to take Chandra’s hands. Chandra bit back the grief that began climbing up her throat the moment her body felt safe among her friends. They were right there with her. She didn’t have to walk through her emotions alone. 

“I was just looking for my planner while I was packing,” Chandra began. “When my mom started yelling all of a sudden, out of nowhere. Shouting about ‘raising me right’ and swearing that I better be ‘normal’. I didn’t even know what she was talking about until I saw that she was holding my notes with Kyra.”

Biru took in a sharp inhale and placed his free hand on top of Chandra’s. He seemed to know where this was going. 

“I tried to calm her down and told her that they were just notes with a friend. But she just kept yelling, ‘What will your friends think of you? What will our relatives think of you?’”

Elga gripped Chandra’s hand tight. “We would never think badly of you because of that, Dra.”

“I know, but I… I don’t even know if that’s how I feel? I like Kyra, but do I like her the way you guys like boys? I don't know yet.” Chandra looked back at the tiles on the floor before she felt her anger rise again in her throat. “What right does my mom have to assume and ‘accuse’ me of something that I haven’t even figured out for myself?” 

She tried to breathe through it, squeezing her friends' hands for support. “Kyra’s a good thesis partner and a good friend, and I cherish that a lot. What right does my mom have to say such hateful things? What right...” Chandra hung her head on her shoulders. “But I do freeze up whenever Kyra comes close even though I’m not uncomfortable, so maybe my mom isn't entirely wrong but—god, is there something actually wrong with me?”

“No, Dra.” Elga shifted closer. “No, there isn’t.”

“Can we hug you?” Biru asked.

Chandra nodded and her two friends reached over to hold her in their arms. Warmth immediately blossomed from the places they held her and Chandra attempted to will away the prickling of tears that came as a response. She dropped her head onto their shoulders and buried her face in the fabric of their shirts.

The bitter anger and frustration slowly dissipated in her friends' embrace and her breath finally returned to her, flowing freely from her lungs. It was finally warm and quiet and safe. She shuffled a little closer to her friends and held them in return, saying her thank yous as they rubbed soothing circles on her back. 

“I think... I’m gonna go to the city tonight,” Chandra whispered into her friends’ shoulders.

“What?” Elga pulled away from their embrace and gently grabbed Chandra by the shoulders. “What are you talking about? Stay here tonight and we’ll go with you tomorrow morning.”

Chandra quietly shook her head. “I already called my landlord and he said I could move in tonight if I wanted to. And I think I want to. I was thinking of going on the last train.”

Elga and Biru looked at her. Their faces clearly showed their worry and how much they were divided—concerned for her safety as the night grew darker but understanding her urge to leave.

Chandra gently squeezed their hands to reassure them. “Come and visit me in the city when I’m all settled there. I'll pay for your tickets.”

Biru shook his head. “I’m gonna come with you tonight, Dra.”

“Me too.” Elga began to stand. “I’m gonna go tell my mom.”

“No!” Chandra gripped onto their wrists. “No, it’s late and it’s too much trouble for you both. I can't ask you guys to do that.”

“Dra.” Biru placed one hand over hers and looked at her in earnest. “Please let us come with you.”

Chandra wavered. She looked from Biru to Elga and their worried determination, and her hold on their wrists softened. “Okay.”

And as the train pulled out of the station, Chandra finally took out her phone to swipe away her notifications, but perhaps she shouldn't have looked at them in the process. One of them began weighing heavy on her conscience as she hid her eyes behind her sleeve, letting the sounds of the train drown out the breaking of her heart.

Tika

Kak Chandra, where are you??? 😭