I sighed, gesturing wildly to her. “Really? You’re wearing jeans and a t-shirt.”
She was actually already wearing her outfit. Casual wear. And what the heck was mine supposed to be? A dress of all things?! Why?
“Oh! And these!” Smiling, she pulled a pair of boots out from behind her back. “You’re going to wear these.”
Yellow dress.
Brown boots.
That sly grin.
Suspicious.
Very suspicious.
I squinted at her and groaned. This really wasn’t the time for games, Kat.
“What are you doing?”
“Oh, come on, you’ve had a crush on Lee since you were little.”
William took that moment to walk past my door, brushing his teeth. He nodded. “That’s true, sis.”
I threw up my hands.
The heck?!
You too, Will?
Was this really the time?
He pulled the toothbrush out of his mouth and pointed it at me. “Show him what he’s missing out on, okay? He needs to know that you’re totally awesome and pretty.”
In the silence following his words, he seemed to rethink joining in the conversation. He nodded again, awkwardly, then took a side-step, moving away from my room. The toothbrush slowly started back toward his mouth.
“Well, have a good talk you two. Downstairs in 15.” He flashed his hand, fingers spread wide, flopping it around, up and down, like someone would do when they were trying to calm someone down. “Got it?”
I nodded.
“Got it.”
I smiled a bit at my brother’s words. He was such a softie around people he knew well. Anyone else was fair game for all kinds of glares and uncomfortable staring. He was a little over two years younger than me, and yet–
William nodded with a smile and walked off. Only a minute of silence later…
“Hey, Mom! Where’s my tennis shoes?”
“They’re by the front door, Will.”
“Okay! Thanks!”
“You’re sure you want to skip out on this again?”
“Yup. I’m good. I was planning on meeting up with Lav and Mark today. Only free time they had.”
Yet, he never seemed even remotely interested in taking a moment to just relax anymore. He was always go-go-go. I sighed. Whoever fell for his charms in the future… they were going to have one heck of a time. But, they’d be fine. He was a sweetheart under the tough-guy exterior.
“Okay, well, you stay safe then.”
“I will, Mom, okay? I will. Agh! Stop hugging me – I can’t breathe!”
I started to laugh at the exasperation clearly coming out in his tone of voice.
“Okay, okay.”
I heard the door open and it was just me and Kat now, who turned to close my room door.
Still, I was grateful for his words. They were odd and a little surprising, but I appreciated the way it helped me to take a deep breath and get rid of some of my tension.
She came to my side, sitting next to me on the bed, the boots and dress placed between us.
“Jane. Come on. It’ll be okay. If things get weird between you two, you always got me there with you.”
That was true.
I gave her a small smile of thanks and she grinned back at me. Ever the dependable friend she was. I hugged her.
“Thank you.”
“Always. Having you around makes me less of a spoiled only child.” She joked.
Laughter burst out of me as I let go of her.
“What, like Lee?”
He was an only child as well.
She snapped a finger and smirked. “Exactly.”
I nodded off the rest of the laughter that followed. But, there was something else that I needed to ask her. I needed a clear answer.
“Yeah, but why am I wearing the dress again? It’s just a casual get-together.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s like an average family and friend reunion.”
She raised her eyebrows and folded her arms, looking me over.
Oof.
I could feel that one.
Oh, that look was a strong one.
“You think you’re going to find something to wear on your own in the next ten minutes?”
I opened my mouth to argue back and found myself closing it again. There was no rebuke. She was right.
Ugh.
She was so right.
There was no way I was going to agree on anything by myself at this point.
“Good point. Hand it.”
I placed my life choices in her hands figuratively… as she placed the answers in mine, literally. Or more specifically, the dress.
She was smiling brightly at me as I took the dress and stood. I slipped it on and looked in the mirror as I held my hair up. Kat zipped up the back and then leaned forward as I put my hair back down.
She nudged the boots in front of me and I slipped my feet in them, tying them shut.
Was this really the best choice? It seemed a bit much.
It wasn’t like I was trying to get back at him for the letters, or even trying to impress him into looking at me differently… Right?
No.
I didn’t want to do anything like that to him.
But, even I had to admit – I looked pretty in this dress. It was one of my favorites for a reason. It was comfy.
And it has pockets, I thought happily, as I stuffed my hands in them.
I bit my lip, wondering how he might react.
Would he… have a look of shock, followed by a small smile at seeing something beautiful? Would he even care what I wear?
Would he notice at all?
I turned, looking at my reflection again.
Dang, I really loved this dress.
“We’ll pack some more casual stuff in an extra bag.” Kat patted my shoulder and then leaned her chin on her hand, taking in my reflection too. “You look beautiful.”
She started toward my door to go, but she stopped as she opened it, turning to face me as she slowly backed up.
“I call doing your hair on the way there, okay?”
I smiled. Kat was always the reliable hair guru too. And I was always her test subject on that. I was used to it by now.
“Alright.”
It was forever and in no time at all that we were in the vehicle, driving to the cabin. It would take half the day, so we’d get there for an early dinner scheduled for 4:30 in the afternoon. Everyone else left last night, so we’d be the last to arrive.
I wasn’t sure how that made me feel.
I gazed out the window of the car as my mom and Aunt Karen chatted happily in the front seats. Kat was braiding my hair into something. I wasn’t really paying attention to any of them.
The scenery was flashing by.
Blurs of green.
Of blue.
Of houses.
People.
It was settling in on me that today I would know. Today, I would find out if it was fate… if we…
The breaths I took were shaky, and Kat occasionally paused to grab my hand, giving me a small smile and nod of comfort and encouragement.
We stopped at a gas station part of the way there. I relaxed against the seat, my hair done, my boots on… and still fearfully wearing this yellow dress.
Our moms were outside at the pump together.
“When’s the last time you two talked?” Kat asked me, hesitantly, quietly.
I took a few seconds to think it over.
I sent my letter two weeks ago. I got his a week before that. We hadn’t called each other for two months.
“Three weeks ago was the last letter I got from him.”
“I see.”
It was silent for a moment and I wondered if this was the wrong choice. Would I rather know or never know? I wasn’t entirely sure.
But it was too late to back out now.
It was far too late.
Hours of attempted conversation and scenery, a few bathroom breaks, and several snacks later, we were pulling up to the cabin. Other vehicles were already there.
We got out, my hands fumbling enough with the door handle that Kat had to help me out. And, in the last few hours of sunlight for the day, we all headed to the closest door. The porch. We were going in through the porch.
That meant that we were going to be entering straight into the dining room. We… I wasn’t going to have a chance to catch my breath and calm down as we walked down a hallway or something. It was happening now.
Lee…
It…
I was terrified.
Suddenly the dress felt like too little and too much all at once. Was this really happening? What if I woke up, having fallen asleep in the vehicle? What if this ends terribly? What if we never spoke again after this?
Lee.
I didn’t want this to be the end.
I didn’t want to cry about it later.
Kat reassuringly squeezed my hand before following her mom in. My mom was with them.
“Sorry, the children stayed behind this time,” Aunt Karen jokingly told everyone.
By children, she meant the boys. The men living in the same house as us. Our fathers, and William.
Everyone was laughing in there.
Everyone…
At the joke.
I took a final deep breath, clenching my hands into fists that I hid in my pockets. Following everyone, I took the chance and let myself be the last one inside the cabin. I closed the door behind me, facing it as I pressed one of my hands against the wood.
I turned slowly to take in the room, the people.
My eyes stopped on him.
Despite needing a breath, I couldn’t draw one. It caught, in my throat.
He stared right back at me.
Thump.
He was…
Thump.
He looked older.
Thump.
I felt my heartbeat taking over everything in me.
There was talking somewhere.
Laughing.
People.
My eyes wouldn’t leave his.
His throat bobbed, but he was frozen too, his eyes wide, watching me.
This…
This was…
My brain was trying to work.
I felt like crying and rejoicing all at once. I felt scared, and excited, and nervous. I… I wasn’t shaking anymore. Like a hot wave that settled over me, I had to force myself to let it go. To look away.
But… I couldn’t.
Every time I tried, he was again, suddenly, all I could see once more.
I – I didn’t really think…
We…
“Come on, Jane! You slowpoke!”
Kat tugged on my arm, her gaze drifting between us both as she tried to dispel the sudden tension between us. She probably didn’t understand what this was.
I knew.
I could see it.
I could see it all in his eyes.
Feel it, too.
I felt it.
But as I settled into my seat, I didn’t even look at the food. I didn’t care.
Because he…
He was sitting across from me.
He was also looking at me, ignoring his plate of food. His spoon, forgotten, resting on the mashed potatoes.
He looked down, chest heaving with breath, face brightly becoming red by his ears.
It wasn’t just me, then.
Him too.
He sensed it too.
Kat’s eyes were on us, I knew.
“What should I have first?”
She nudged me away from his gaze again. She must’ve sensed that something was different.
Because… it was.
This was different.
Nothing about our relationship could go back to how it was.
Absolutely nothing.
Kat was making a face as she looked around the table.
I laughed lightly.
“Just pick a couple of the closer ones to start with.”
I should probably put something on my plate. I hesitantly reached for a dish…
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