I rested my head on his shoulder and inhaled his comforting scent, trying to draw some strength from him. I hadn't felt this lost even when we had broken up. Yes, it had hurt immensely, but I was firmly convinced that breaking up was the best thing for both of us. The logic behind my actions back then was sound—we weren’t compatible and meant to be, which meant breaking up was the only course of action. Now I had no doubt we were meant for each other, but either the irrational anger or the 'what ifs' were killing me.

“You’re going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.” Kade pressed his lips to my head where he could reach me. “You have to trust me on this, Ev.”

I rubbed my forehead into his shoulder as if trying to hide in it. I sighed, failing at this task as well.

“Send all those insecure thoughts the fuck away. Don't let them bring you down,” Kade continued to encourage me.

“How can I not think about that? How can you?” They were right there, lurking at every corner to terrorize me mercilessly.

“Stop focusing on the now and what you don't have. Focus on the future and what you will have again.” Kade's hand massaged my tense neck, his voice without a shadow of a doubt. “Make plans on what we’ll do when you’re back on your feet. Think of where we’ll go for holidays once my project finishes. Personally, I'm thinking about some cozy cabin in the mountains surrounded by snow and trees, and no other human in sight for miles.” I smiled, liking the idea already. “If you’re totally against the thought of freezing your ass off, I could be persuaded into spending some time by the clear blue water. Key West, the Caribbean, or Hawaii, as long we can have a private place for ourselves.”

Hmm, that sounded even better. I could swim every day in the ocean …

“Seems like a secluded place is a must, hmm?” I lifted my head, mirth in my eyes.

“Absolutely, how else am I to have my way with you?” Kade lifted one eyebrow demonstratively. His hand continued to massage my neck, and I almost purred with satisfaction.

“What if I want to have my way with you?” I challenged lightly. My lover didn't mind passing the lead over to me in bed when I wanted it, but I liked to hear him say it, nonetheless.

“Just say when and where and I'll be all yours.” Kade's eyes sparkled.

“Hmm, I like the sound of that.” I smiled.

I loved this closeness and easiness between us, this light banter; that's how we always were. However, the moment was ruined as soon as a stray thought crossed my mind that I should be kissing my lover senseless instead of standing here like a virgin rookie. Or that I wouldn’t feel this shitty if I’d have left the damn hospital at least a day sooner. Or two. Tension returned instantly, the light mood replaced with heavy guilt and annoyance. I clutched the laptop tighter against my chest.

“You returned to the dark place again.” Kade kissed my forehead. “Don't go there.”

“It's hard,” I complained like the freaking baby I had turned into.

“I know, but you can do it. One step at a time, Ev, just try.”

The next moment I felt an unexpected slap against my rump. Bewildered, I looked up into mischievous light grey eyes.

“Now, go chat with your goddaughter, she doesn’t like to wait.”

“You just can't wait to go to the gym,” I mock-grumbled, moving for the door.

“Duh, of course!”

I sat down on the couch and booted up my laptop. In the meantime, Kade poured himself a glass of juice in the kitchen and drank it with his back turned to me. Even if my fingers couldn't draw him anymore, my eyes still sought him out to appreciate his lines and drink in his intense aura.

Yeah, we would be okay. I'd go half-crazy until I healed, but I trusted Kade. He’d wait for me until I pulled my head out of my ass, again.

There was a time my lover's powerful presence had spooked me to the point of giving up on our mutual future. It took me time to understand my thinking was wrong, even if I needed a nudge from Kade.

“Hey, finally!” my brother called and greeted me as soon as I activated my Skype account. “We were starting to wonder if you have fallen asleep again. Getting senile and all.”

“Lower down the drama, Juliet. It’s barely been ten minutes,” I griped at my brother.

“Maybe, but no time waits for a certain lady.” He smirked before calling for his daughter. Tori was keeping her father on his toes. Good. Somebody had to when I wasn’t there.

“Hi, Chris,” Kade greeted my brother after placing a glass of pear juice next to the laptop for me. “How are the kids and Suzanne?” He walked behind the couch and leaned on the armrest right behind me, so the camera could catch us both.

“Hey, Kade. Everything’s great, and we’re looking forward to seeing you both in a couple of days. By the way, the kids are asking about you two setting up a tent again.”

A few weeks back, we had watched the kids for the weekend so Chris and Suzie could spend some time away from home. After Tori heard how Kade and I loved to spend time in the nature with our friends, she prompted for a demonstration. Long story short, for two nights we all slept in a makeshift tent that we had constructed in their spacious living room using ropes and numerous blankets. Each evening was crowned with stories, games under flashlights, and sweet marshmallows. Apparently, that left an impression.

“Sounds like we’ll need to repeat it sometime in the coming months?” I looked at Kade, who nodded, smiling.

“Suzie and I would appreciate that,” Chris replied a little too enthusiastically. No doubt the little skunk wanted more uninterrupted time with his wife.

“We'll set up a date once Evan's arm heals. I'm leaving for the gym then. Chris,”—my lover's tone changed to a serious one—“I'll have my phone with me at all times, call me if you finish talking sooner or if you notice he's in pain, otherwise I should be back in fifty minutes or so.”

“Will do.” Chris nodded.

“I'll be fine. Now shoo and enjoy the torture of the weights,” I urged my man with a wink of a hand.

“Give my regards to everyone.” Kade bid farewell to my brother, then kissed my cheek. “Be back soon.” I heard his footsteps and the door close.

>>>>>