Chapter 5: Do you really like me? Or really want to be my friend?

            Two weeks have passed since school began, and the strange feelings residing in Mickey’s heart had grown over those passing days. The more time he had spent with Hyun, the more Mickey had realized something was off about himself. Thoughts in Mickey’s mind wanted Hyun to be more than friends, he desired something that surpassed camaraderie. Mickey had never felt like this before, let alone having these kinds of feelings for someone of the same sex.

            Deep inside Mickey’s core, he felt it was not normal for him to develop such attraction. It was like a natural born instinct, he knew if he expressed this side of him openly, he surely would be judged and outcasted. Therefore, Mickey kept this infatuation to himself, making sure no one would know of his secret. He also considered the high possibility Hyun would not reciprocate the same feelings back, so he was content with just being friends.

            During class, Mickey had a daily routine of staring mindlessly at Hyun’s back, imagining how soft each strand of Hyun’s glistening hair would feel between the space of his fingers. The fresh scent of clean laundry could always be smelt on Hyun’s clothes, causing Mickey’s senses to go crazy. Mickey had wished Hyun been placed in a different seat, it was too much to bear, being a mere foot apart from the boy he liked. To his luck, a student from the back row could not see well and had to swap seats with Hyun.

Once break period began, Mickey, Michelle and Hyun went to eat at the cafeteria. At least twice a week the three had agreed to eat together. While enjoying their meal, Hyun used his chopsticks to pick up a piece of fried squid from his container and placed it into Mickey’s bowl.

“Try this! It tastes really good, my mom made it.” Hyun said in an excited voice.

That moment, Mickey was conflicted with two feelings, the first was happiness from Hyun’s sweet gesture. The second was an empty feeling of loneliness, as he heard Hyun mention the word mom. Mickey was reminded of the times when his mother used to make lunch for him. Even till now, the thought that his parents were no longer with him still had not settled in yet. It was as if they were still on vacation and Mickey was waiting for them to return. Suddenly, his train of thoughts came to a halt by Michelle.

“Hey! How come you didn’t give any food for me to try!?” Michelle cried, while pushing Hyun’s shoulders back and forth.

While being bullied by her, Hyun playfully snickered, trying to explain himself, “That’s because you hate squid! You should be happy that I remember the things you hate.”

“You should remember the things I like, not the things I hate!” Michelle retorted.

Michelle turned her attention towards Mickey, her wide eyes sparkled brightly from the natural lighting through the windows. The corners of her pink lips rose into an alluring smile.

 “Besides, you’ve never offered me food once before Hyun. I think Hyun treats you too good, ever since you came here, Mickey.” She spoke in a mischievous way, turning her gaze to the ceiling. “And after all these years we been friends, I have never seen Hyun act so kind to anyone before.” She elaborated, while waving her chopsticks around.

Slight disbelief surfaced all over Hyun’s face. He used his index finger to hover at the middle of Michelle’s forehead, while trying to justify his actions.

“You make me sound like a heartless person!” Hyun turned to Mickey, “Don’t listen to her. She’s just jealous I don’t treat her as good as I treat everyone else. I treat everyone nice except her, hahaha!” Hyun said, while laughing deviously.

Without saying a word, Michelle crossed her armed and stuck her tongue out at Hyun. Mickey watched his two friends’ bicker, as they tried to one up each other. Mickey thought it was quite humorous and chuckled whole heartedly at the situation.

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            The last school bell rang, and it was time for the students to go home. Mickey gathered his belongings and got up from his desk, and suddenly a hand reached out to grasp his wrist. A bit startled, Mickey turned to see who had stopped him. As he hoped and expected, it was Hyun. Hyun stared eagerly at Mickey as he spoke in a serious tone.

“What’s your plan for today?” Hyun asked.

            Mickey wanted to tell the boy he had no plans, but he had to help his grandparents again.

“I have to work at my family’s stall today.” Mickey said, with each of his words lingering in disappointment.

            A frown emerged on Hyun’s charming face as he replied, “If we can’t hangout today… at least can I walk you there? I don’t really go to that part of the city anyways. It would be nice to see it with you.”

            After hearing what Hyun just said, Mickey’s chest began to feel warm inside. As if the hand Hyun used to hold Mickey’s wrist was suddenly grasping Mickey’s heart now. It felt like a soft gentle fire, with every beat fluttering like a cool summer breeze.

            Why is he always so nice to me? Does he like me? Or does he just want to be good friends?

            Mickey thought to himself with confliction.

The simplest words or gestures from one person could give thousands of meaning to another. Mickey knew he was reading too much into Hyun’s actions, but, as long there was a chance that Hyun liked him, it was enough to fuel Mickey’s fantasy. The foolish boy was indeed love-struck. Mickey agreed to Hyun’s request and the two set off to the market district.

As usual, Mickey would keep his distance from Hyun when walking together, and Hyun would always naturally walk back closer towards Mickey. They were like the ocean tides, slowly drawing in and pushing back at one another. The subtle light from the afternoon sun outlined Mickey’s silhouette, Hyun could not help but admire the striking look on the boy’s face.

            “Mickey you’re so good-looking but I can’t figure out why you never had a girlfriend before. I’m pretty sure a lot of girls liked you, you must have at least liked one back?” Hyun stated curiously.

            “What about you? You are quite good-looking yourself. Have you ever dated anyone before?” Mickey asked, trying to avoid Hyun’s question.

            Hyun quickly answered, “Of course, I’ve dated some girls before, but I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment.”

            Before Hyun could ask Mickey the same question again, Mickey blurted out, “Are you seeing any one right now!?” Eagerness could be herd in his voice.

             “Why so curious huh?” Hyun said, as a wide smile cracked on his face. He thought how cute Mickey was, being so blunt at that instant.

            Mickey soon regretted what he had asked, wishing he could take back those words. His face was now painted in faint red, as he was choked with embarrassment. Hyun could see how uncomfortable his friend was. He spoked again, but in a comforting voice, “I’m just messing with you, Mickey. To answer your question, you can say that I am not talking to anyone as of now.”

            Mickey’s face soon returned to its natural color, relieved by Hyun’s answer. Deep inside, Mickey was secretly pleased that Hyun was not seeing anyone else. The grip of humility that clutched his throat had gradually loosen, as he was able to speak again.

            “Ah, I see…” Mickey calmly replied.

             Look at me… being so happy to hear that he’s talking to no one. I shouldn’t even care. Why did I even ask him, why am I acting like this? Mickey contemplated to himself.

            As they got closer to Mickey’s family stall, Hyun’s steps came to a pause. He placed his hand on Mickey’s shoulder, signaling that it was time for them to depart.

            “I guess I should let you go now. Since I know where you work, maybe I can come visit sometime.” Hyun said in a perfect manner, like he always was.

            Mickey nodded and thanked Hyun for accompanying him. As the two said their goodbyes, Hyun gave a charming wink to Mickey before parting ways.

            “Later cute boy!” Hyun said flirtatiously.

            Mickey was now utterly confused and conflicted.

            Hyun…do you really like me or really want to be friends…?