The pig’s ability to generate immortal peaches made Anari suspect that she had chanced upon an oddly generous amount of Luck.

That or it’s all coming from the pig.

The pig might have been Lucky, but the sun clone was without a doubt an idiot. He was going to get her killed. Why had she hung around after he had thrown up? What was she thinking?

Well, for one, her powers were weak. Otherwise, she would have transformed into something miniature and stealthily crawled the hell out of there by now. Had she been at full power, she would have poisoned the clone for knocking her over like that.

(Quit overreacting.) the voice of the saboteur protested. The saboteur reminded her that she had been hit with much worse on the job. So the clone’s added weight had not really bothered her.  The monkey was lanky and warm and smelled like old mushu pork. She hadn’t minded that either. 

Anari’s sense kicked in. All the more reason to get the hell out from under this idiot clone. She pushed the saboteur’s contradictory commentary aside. She knew better than to listen to it.

So she couldn’t escape and she was stuck with a hog spirit and a monkey that had no idea what to do with immortal peaches. When the trolls were dragging them all out into the open, it occurred to her that she did not want to see the monkey harmed, despite his overall uselessness in her plan to escape.

There seemed to be a glimmer of hope when the sun clone finally ate the peach, but then, for no apparent reason, he passed out.

An absolute moron, this monkey.

(But a cute moron,) opined the saboteur.

Hush, you.

The trolls laughed at the monkey’s flounder. The leader walked over to Anari and lifted her upright by her braids.

Still chuckling, he said to the fly manager, “It looks like your clone swallowed a spoiled peach.” He nudged the monkey’s limp body with the edge of his foot. “Simian waste.”

The troll spat on the monkey, but the loose phlegm landed inches from his head thanks to an involuntary movement. The troll grunted, but decided that meeting his target was not worth his time. He hauled Anari with him; her mind raced, trying to think of how she could talk or barter her way out of this one.

Her thinking was interrupted by the troll, who had tripped. It took a great deal of effort to catch his fall. Anari was impressed that he had not dropped her. 

The entire restaurant gasped. Anari thought she heard some spirits stifling laughter. The spider looked down and noticed that one of the clone’s legs stuck out at an odd angle, but he was still asleep. 

The floor of the restaurant rumbled under the troll’s growl. The monkey merely yawned, stretched out his limbs and curled back up in a fetal position. 

“Damn monkey!” The troll lifted his leg and drove his heel down on the clone’s ribs. Once again, the spirit rolled away in time. His eyes never opened and his body remained relaxed and curled in slumber. A whimper came from the fly spirit at the sound of the troll’s heel crunching through the wooden floor of his establishment.

After the troll managed to wrench his foot free, he trundled over to a deserted table and slammed Anari down on her back.

“Don’t move, spideress! I have my men watching you.”

The surrounding brothers patted their clubs and fortified their stances to emphasize his warning, but their eyes were all glued to the sleeping clone.

The leader dropped his own club off with a nearby member. “You! Hold this.”

With free hands, he approached and seized the monkey by his collar. Then he tossed his unconscious body in the opposite direction and roared, “On your feet, you monstrous ape!”

Like a paper kite, the monkey spiraled clumsily across the restaurant, his eyes still closed, his body awkwardly slack. He stumbled until his back hit the table where Anari lay. He flopped over and landed face-up.

Anari studied him closely. What sort of strange devilry was the clone up to?

Quick and quiet, the monkey peeked open an eye and caught her gaze. In a voice built on tricks and mirth, he greeted, “Hey.” 

The monkey closed his eye before Anari had time to even blink. His face was peaceful again, as if that playful little presence had never surfaced.

But then his jaw twitched into the ghost of a smile and Anari heard the words “watch” and “this” right before his body slid away.

Anari sat up to get a full view of the leader of the Yingchi Bastards swinging the monkey around and around by one ankle. Then, sensing that a weight had been lifted, she looked down at her arms. The peaches! They were gone. 

When she looked back up, the monkey was not decorating the back wall in a gooey puddle — no. The trolls, the fly, the pig, every spirit looked on in disbelief as the clone stood atop a round table, radiating a warm, celestial glow. 

His hair had gone from black to the golden brown of his eyes. His glamour had dissolved to reveal his authentic essence. 

Dear Traveler, Anari was not prepared for what was about to happen. You must brace yourself. For once I speak these words, they cannot be unspoken:

Behold! Resplendence meets brilliance meets splendor!

Enter the sweet-talking, cloud-walking mind-bender!

Tracksuit white, shirt black, too shiny

He enters the world, dripping Nike

A handsome clone, that much is clear

His sideburns flared before each ear

A lazy grin, naked teeth

Proud canines, wildness beneath

His eyes glistened gold, they beckoned like treasure

Customers struggled to keep it together

Anari, the Spider, suppressed her awe

At the angle and strength of the Monkey's jaw

Between two sips, the Monk glanced up

And unimpressed, they downed their cup.

Shocked by the state the ape was in, 

The Pig, dear reader, barfed again.

Ritsu soaked the moment’s adoration

And with a peachy blush,

an adrenaline rush, 

and a microsecond’s meditation,

He centered on his singular goal 

Of woopin’ ass on every troll!