I inhaled sharply and folded my hands into my lap, looking to my father. My father nodded at me before he looked to the mayor with a little smile that I wore as well then. “You know Laurie has always taken his time choosing things,” My dad laughed, the mayor nodding slowly as his sharp gaze darted to me, then back to my father to listen, “And – you know- the family is very reliant on his help, since we – you know – don’t have much family local.”
The mayor exhaled slowly as he nodded. “That is the burden of having to move away from where your folks are from,” He said quietly, looking to Big Blue then, “Speaking of which, I’d like to take a moment to thank you for coming down to our humble town, Sir,” He said, just a tic louder, “I know you are a busy man.”
“Earnest might have moved far away from the family, but he and his children are still my responsibility.” Big Blue replied, the Mayor nodding.
“Now-” The mayor opened the folder in front of him and I saw my name printed in black – my full name, Lawrence Earnest David Blackwell, as well as my birthday and year, my blood type, and the stamp of my mother’s house at the very top. “Laurie is registered to his mother’s clan?” He asked lightly, looking back to Big Blue.
Big Blue nodded curtly. “He is a Blackwell, yes. Roy and all his children are Bluewells – but I had a good long conversation with Madame Black, and she’s allowed me to manage this until she has the time to do it herself. I will be keeping her updated.”
I blinked at that, thinking of my mother’s ancestor, Moira Black – Madame Black to most others, as my father’s ancestor, Boris Blue, was simply called Big Blue. Both were one of the original settlers of the colony and both were imposing figures, though it seemed that all those that came from the outside and settled here had the same sort of coldness. I had only met about twenty of the original three thousand – only two thousand and two hundred something still alive – but they all had that same hardness.
It made me wonder what the outside world was like, out there with the Novus.
It made me never want to find out.
“I had heard she wasn’t the sort to allow others to handle her duties…” The mayor said carefully, respectfully.
“One of her favorite descendants has fallen real ill and she’s helping her daughter nurse her back to health – she was one of those girls in Small Creek that got sick from that flour.” Big Blue said back, and I knew he was talking about Delia, who was only fourteen and so very, very sick, just like the others that had worked at the flour mill. Bacteria off the flour, they said, which they had inhaled. I couldn’t even imagine.
The mayor nodded with a solemn look, “Of course,” He said with another nod, writing a note down in my file. “Bless her heart – well.” He squinted at me then. “I have good faith in you, sir, I know you are very capable of helping us out here with Laurie. We’re all very fond of him around here.” He said, his gaze softening as my dad patted my knee. He was quiet for a minute, then, “We’ve arranged him to go on a date with all the eligible and age-appropriate women locally, as well as over in Daisy Fields,” He said, turning a little to point to the map on the wall behind him that showed the surrounding towns, then looking back to Big Blue. “I have,”
He paused, pulling a trio of pink pieces of paper from the filing tray on his desk to hand one to Big Blue, one to my dad, and then one to myself. I saw it had the numbers of the lead matchmakers in the surrounding town – I had probably twelve copies of this paper, given to me every time I sent in a form for being single and twice by the mayor’s wife.
“They are familiar with Laurie and I know they have a few girls already lined up to meet him,” He smiled then at me, his eyes crinkling. “Laurie is a very smart, kind, mature young man,” He looked to my father and they nodded to each other before he looked to Big Blue, “He’s what the matchmakers call a top candidate.” He chuckled, “I got all of these ladies breathing down my neck to get him to call me!” He laughed, my Dad laughing a little as well.
Roy tensed. “They wouldn’t be breathing down your neck, Redwheel, if Laurie was in the city-”
“Don’t you start that with me, Roy!” The Mayor snapped, pointing a finger at him, “I gave your brother a choice, and he said he would rather stay with his family!”
Roy’s head whipped around and he gave me a wide-eyed, furious look and I slowly moved my gaze along the wall to stare at the map behind the mayor, who gave me a look like he just caught on that I hadn’t told Roy that little piece of information. My brother craned his neck forward as I felt his stare intensify - “Lawrence, you did wimp out on being a doctor?”
“We talked about it,” Dad said as I crossed my arms over my chest and chewed on the inside of my cheek, Roy’s increasingly angry glare burning against my face. “And Laurie, your mother and I – we all decided that it was for the best that he stay close to home!” Dad said his voice raising with each word as I slowly looked to see Roy moving to try and reach over Big Blue to swat me, his son nearly falling out of his lap as he did so. “He wouldn’t do well alone in the city!” Dad said with a nervous laugh.
“We finally could have had a member of this family that was something more than a farmer or a baker or a fucking shoemaker-”
“Watch it,” Big Blue growled.
“-and you let him wimp out?!” Roy snarled, the look he gave my Dad having him and I both wincing, “You could have been a doctor!” Roy cried out, “you could have meant something!”
I shrugged hard because I didn’t have anything to say to that. I would have enjoyed furthering my studies – I loved learning, loved reading about new things. I loved helping people and making their lives better...but I was a social creature and I wanted to stay close to my family. I didn’t want to miss out on any of the little things, like getting to help my siblings with their school work or watching my nephew and nieces making all those incredible milestones that happened so early on, and it would have killed me if I hadn’t been here for Roy and Mabel when they lost Joy.
If I had been in the city when Joy passed, I would have had a breakdown. I just needed to be around my family and be part of their lives.
That meant something.
But I knew Roy didn’t think so. When I had broached the subject, he had said “You are going to live another eighty fucking years, there will be plenty of other small moments to have with us.” and then I agreed and I let him think that I was back to having the mindset of going to the city to further my education.
But those small moments would be different moments, and I wanted these moments, not just the others. My family was very important, more important than being a doctor.
“In another life, maybe,” I said then, my voice trembling because I knew my brother was about to blow his top, his eyes widening further, “But in this one, I choose my family,” I met his eyes, his face red with anger, “I choose happiness.”
My Dad gave me a little smile and patted my knee because he understood my reasoning, Big Blue blinked blandly-
“FUCK YOUR HAPPINESS!” Roy said as he held Lawrence in his arms and jumped to his feet, the mayor sighing as he leaned back in his chair to stick a toothpick in his mouth, chewing on it as he stared at my brother. “You could have made a difference in our town, Laurie! You could have been so much fucking more than a farmer!” He raged, “You’re choosing to waste all your fucking potential here where NO ONE appreciates it- don’t you want your kids to have better than we do?!” He demanded, my foot tapping against the floor as my Dad sighed silently, “Don’t you want to do better than this?!”
“That’s enough, Roy.” The mayor said as my Dad frowned at the ground, my own gaze adverting as well.
Roy’s head whipped around to the Mayor, his attention drawn by the reaction my Dad and I pointedly refused to give. “Stay out of this, you fucking snake!”
“That’s enough, Roy!” The Mayor said, louder, firmer. “You won’t be talking to me like that in my own office in my own town!”
My Dad and I both gave Roy a hard look, because when the mayor pulled the town card, he meant it. He had kicked people out of town before, and we all knew Roy and his temper were on his list. But to my relief, Roy tensed but sat down, crossing his arms over his chest as he bounced his knee in agitation, Little Lawrence being held nearly sideways before he was set on his feet. He went and stood right next to his father and place one of his small hands on his leg with a hard look of his own directed at the mayor.
I hoped Roy’s temper didn’t pass on to Lawrence. Hopefully, he would be the strong, silent type like Big Blue.
The mayor glared at my brother for a hard beat before he looked at me, his gaze softening to something stern but not angry. “Now Laurie, you need to understand something.” I swallowed thickly as he sat forward, pinning me with his stare. “They aren’t going to give you many more warnings before they send someone from the city with a binder. In that binder will be a list of different single women yet to be married….and if you don’t choose one, they choose one for you. It’s not like with your parents. They’re cracking down on stranglers now that we are about halfway through the colony’s lifespan.” His gaze softened to something almost pleading, “This could be your last chance to choose someone yourself. You are about to lose that choice, Laurie. No one here wants that.”
My face crumbled as I looked down, shaking my head. “I-” I couldn’t take away the happiness of someone else. I couldn’t take away their choice. But instead of saying that, I could only say “I can’t.” My voice cracked when I said it and I could feel everyone’s stare.
“Why, Laurie?” My dad asked softly, placing a hand on my knee. I rubbed at my face, but didn’t meet his gaze, my head hanging as I looked to the window. “Laurie, we’re here to help in any way we can.”
I swallowed thickly and lifted my gaze, my face flushing as I felt myself grow further upset.
“I do want to be married, and I do wish for children – lots of children,” I said as my throat constricted, feeling sore and tight as I tried not to cry. I couldn’t lie. Not to my Dad, not with Roy there and Big Blue watching. They deserved more respect than a lie, even if I knew it was going to cause trouble. “But I’m just not...in my core…” I inhaled sharply as I felt my ear heat up. I hesitated again, struggling very hard to finish my thought. Finally, I swallowed and looked at my Dad. “I’m not...at all attracted...to girls,” I said quietly, his gaze softening as he seemed to understand right away what I was talking about.
My Dad got me. He was my best friend and he just understood me in a way that no one else could, and that was exactly why I couldn’t lie to him.
“Then we’ll find you a widow to fuck,” My brother said with a scowl, because even though I was clearly Roy’s best friend, only heard and saw what he wanted to hear and see. “There’s plenty of middle-aged women that would eat you up!”
I rubbed at my face as my Dad slowly patted my knee, looking to the mayor, who I saw out of the corner of my eye was sitting back a little to stare at me with a contemplative look. “I’m not attracted to women either, Roy. I’m...attracted to men.”
Roy frowned hard at that. “Men?” He asked, confused at first, and then visibly frustrated as it quickly sunk in what I was telling him. “Laurie, this is a breeding colony. They don’t allow that here.” He stressed.
“I’m aware,” I said slowly. “But I can’t do that to someone. I can’t ruin their lives like that, have them married to me when they could have had someone else that loved them entirely.”
The mayor sniffed then, “I had a friend from school who,” He motioned to me and I looked to him, “Who got married to a lady that, you know, liked ladies. They have a real solid marriage...just had their fifth.” He rubbed at his chin. “We can find you a young woman who…” He motioned to me and I could physically feel the strain in my muscles relaxing. “This pops up occasionally...it’s not talked about, but we make arrangements. Population growth must be obtained at all costs, and so we deal with this in a way that ensures the purpose of the colony is met by all parties.” He looked to my father, then Big Blue. “We’ll have him married in the next few months. To a nice girl that he can feel guilt-free with.”
“He probably could have found one in the city.” Roy hissed then.
The mayor gave him a scathing look and pointed to the door. “Get out.”
Roy scowled but stood, lifting Lawrence as well to carry him from the room. When the door was slammed, the mayor’s jaw ticked, but he returned his attention to me.
“It’s...that simple?” I asked slowly, looking between my Dad and the Mayor.
“Well, you know, you two will have to work out...how to produce your children, but it can still be a strong partnership and great friendship.” The Mayor said, taking a toothpick from the wooden stand on his desk. “We all do what we need to in order to ensure the colony flourishes.”
I let out a long breath and looked to my dad with a smile, who smiled back and me. “I-” I looked to the mayor, “I’m so relieved.” I said, crying a little, “I can’t express how grateful I am, or how relieved I am.” I rubbed my sweaty palms against my thighs, “I’ve been worried about this for so long!” I laughed, and the mayor nodded a little.
“We’ll figure it out,” The mayor said, looking to my father.
Dad nodded and reached up to rub the back of my head, “Don’t worry, Laurie – we’ll find you a proper wife- it’ll just take a little bit more creativity, that’s all.”
Big Blue remained silent.
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