I tugged the sunflower free from the tall metal pot on the ground, looking over the deep orange petals for any imperfections. Mabel’s favorite flowers were sunflowers, and her favorite color was amber, two things she really needed right now, I think. It was the end of the season of the sunflower – the icon for summers in our town and so many others – and I hoped seeing them might bring Mabel some happiness, even if it was a little.
It was actually quite funny because Mabel was a snowflake, or young woman that preferred the winter, versus a spring rose, a summer ray, or a fall weaver. She enjoyed the snow, the layers of clothes, and the scarves. But she adored sunflowers and their vibrant color, so I was glad that the flower store still had some when Roy and I came to buy Mabel some of her favorite sour candies.
The talk with the mayor had been an exceptionally productive one and left me feeling considerably better about everything. Dad figured it would be a good idea for Roy and me to talk for a while afterward, so he took Big Blue and Lawrence back home so we could have some time to ourselves to talk.
We walked down the streets together in silence for a while, taking in the dozens and dozens of small stores that made up our town. There was a food street where all the shops relating to the food were, clothing streets where all the clothing was, and so on and so forth.
“Why did you tell me?”
“I didn’t tell anyone,” I said quietly as I handed the flower to where Roy stood beside me, who held my gaze as he took it silently, my attention going back to the other flowers to search for another two.
“I’m not anyone though, Laurie,” Roy said, sounding tense. “I’m your brother, for fuck’s sake!” He hissed, “We don’t keep secrets from each other!”
I licked my lips as I tugged free another, looking it over, “Yes, but you know how you react to things.” I said carefully, “And I would have told you eventually, probably first, after Dad,” I added truthfully before I handed the flower to Roy as well, staring down at the remainders. “And it wasn’t exactly something I had fully come to terms with.”
“I get that, but you need to start talking more, Laurie! You -” He made an angry gesture with his hand, “Keep this shit all bottle up inside and you don’t express how you feel, and if you don’t tell me what’s going on, I can’t help you!” He huffed.
“I promise I’ll be more open with you, but you have to promise that you will think before you react.”
Roy frowned but nodded a little. “I’ll try,” He mumbled, his gaze darting over to where the store owner was with a few other male customers, talking about the symbolism behind flowers and their importance and how young women interpret the flowers they were given.
Sunflowers, I also knew, symbolized Sapiens, more commonly called Daywalkers.
Camilla flowers symbolized Novus, or Nightwalkers.
We did not grow Camilla flowers in the colony, nor were they used in any artwork unless it was in direct reference to the Novus.
“All I ask is that you try, Roy,” I said quietly as I handed him the last sunflower, giving him a little smile that he returned briefly before he collected the flowers in his hand to turn and go toward the counter.
There, the store owner gave us some ‘filler’ flora to give the bouquet more volume, tying a ribbon around the stems and attaching a card as well before she wished Mabel a fast recovery. Before we went to the maternity ward, we stopped by the market to get a bag of Mabel’s favorite treat, candied sour cherries, her taste for the tart and sweet something Lawrence had as well.
The walk to the town clinic was still tense, but far less so than it had been earlier, but I couldn’t tell if that was because Roy felt better after our short talk, or if it was because he was trying to put on a brave face for his wife. It could be either, but Roy was generally very poor at disgusting how he felt, so I hoped his general air of ease came from our talk.
The clinic was one of few buildings in the colony that had the far more sophisticated technology of the outside world, so much more advanced than our own that it was almost like magic compared to what we used here. Everything was computerized and done on keyboards with screens, words printed on paper by machines, lenses that could see through your skin and take pictures of your bones, and countless files all stored, invisible, in tiny boxes that could fit inside your closed fist. A few other buildings had computers – there was one in the library that listed all the books and allowed librarians to print out new books the outside world allowed for us to have, the school, the Office of Marriages had another, and then finally the mayor.
In the colony, the most advanced technology we had were the air conditioners and heaters and other things that were necessary to the health of the citizens, like machines that kept things sterile for canning. But other than that, we were expressly forbidden from developing further technology of any kind, especially any that related to firearms or other types of weaponry. Only single-shot rifles were allowed in the colony, no scopes that magnified further than half a mile, and only bullets meant for a few approved tasks, such as bird hunting, the most popular sport in the colony. They had been cracking down on it though because the number of firearm owners had increased substantially – there was even a rumor they would soon be limiting gun ownership to one per household.
I was not a shooter. My parents and I preferred walking the fields and watching our happy little group of farm animals, raising dogs for herding instead of hunting.
Roy and Mabel, however, were big hunters and often went out together to do just that – Mabel would track because she was very knowledgeable in animals and their different patterns and footprints, and Roy would shoot. They had taken Lawrence with them on their last trip when Mabel was about three months pregnant and it had gone very well, so I think that he might have taken after them both in that regard.
We went to the lobby on the first of the three floors, where we had to disinfect our hands and put cloth clippers over our shoes and hair, and once we were finished, we went down the hall to meet with Lisanette, Mabel’s Great grandmother. She shook my hand with the same impressive strength that Mabel usually did before she told Roy that his wife was awake and alert. Her condition, Lisanette said, was still fragile before she led us down to where Mabel’s room was.
It was a small room, clean, comfortable, with a bed, a table on wheels, a second table with two chairs and a table cloth, and a big window that looked over the park where children played and people strolled by in the afternoon light.
Mabel was laying in bed, looked wrung out and exhausted in a way I had never seen someone before as she stared out the window with a far-off look on her face. She was two years younger than me but she looked so much older, so much smaller, so much thinner than usual. When Lisanette told her we were here, her gaze slowly moved from the window by her bed to us before her head turned as well, and as her gaze met mine, I struggled not to cry.
She looked…
So broken.
So very broken.
I went over to her and kissed her forehead before I knelt down and took her hand, “How are you?”
Her lips pulled up into a little smile, but her gaze remained listless. “A little better, I think.” She said quietly, “How are my babies?”
“They’re doing fine – Lawrence wanted to come, but when we told him they wouldn’t let kids in, he insisted we go and buy you some candy.” I smiled a little when her own smile widened, and when I turned, Roy shuffled over with the bag of candy to set them on the bedside table. I saw the flowers he was holding and perked up – “And flowers!” I said, standing so Roy could come closer. “Lawrence wanted us to get you some flowers!”
“Aren’t they beautiful!” Lisanette said as she went to where her bag was at the other table and pair of chairs, coming over to exchange the ribbon for a bright violet-colored one before she handed them back to Roy.
Mabel smiled at Roy and he smiled at her as he handed her the flowers, telling her she was doing so well, and that he missed her, and that he loved her, then leaning down to kiss her sweetly.
Mabel was so good for my brother, and truthfully, it was seeing them together that made me realize that I couldn’t do that to someone else, not when they could have had what my brother had with his wife.
Love.
True love, true attraction, true adoration for each other. There was no guarantee we would all find that, but it felt cruel to completely rob someone of the chance to at least try.
They had met when Roy had been thirteen, Mabel twelve, and gone to her town to bring an order from our farm to their general store, and it had been love at first sight. We always knew Roy would have to go out of town to find a girl to marry because all the local ones knew he was a shit, but still, it had taken us by surprise when they started exchanging letters. Roy always had me spell check for him and had my mom include some of her pressed flowers in the envelopes. It was a very sweet and tender courtship that I enjoyed watching, as it was so unlike Roy, though I saw that sweetness and tenderness with Mabel and his children now all the time.
When Mabel’s gaze dropped to the flowers, she stared at the petals, her face slowly crumbling before she began to sob openly, bringing the flower to her chest to cling to it. Roy quickly sat on the edge of the bed and held her as she sobbed, Mabel calling out for Joy between wretched inhales. I ran my hand over my hair as I looked around, feeling helpless.
Mabel started to cry out strange things then, sobbing that Joy had eyes like sunflowers, that they asked if she wanted to go with Joy, but she said no and she regretted that because now Joy was alone while their other children had them both, and I looked to Lisanette to see she was coming over with a concerned look. The older woman pressed a blue button on the wall and slowly Mabel’s cries lessened before she fell silent, twitching briefly, and then falling silent and still in sleep.
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