Later in the night, all of us ‘kids’ were gathered in a small lounge next to our rooms. The ‘adults’ were in the living room, drinking and chatting, but it would be too loud with everyone all piled in together, given the number of people that showed up this year.
Of course, Lee wasn’t here, and neither were his parents.
My brother stayed behind at the pack, my mother with him this time.
Hector and Charles weren’t present either, like usual, because they lived a pretty good distance away, and they were likely hanging out with Lee, since that was their first long stop on the trip. They were his cousins.
Fallyn stayed home with his adoptive father, James.
Minnie and her mother were still in Europe.
Everyone else… was here.
That was what… how many people?
I didn’t know.
All I knew was that it was packed.
So, yeah, we wanted some space. And it wasn’t like we always wanted to talk in front of our parents. Sometimes the topic was uncomfortable to talk about in front of them.
Like this…
“So, I know everyone isn’t here, but can we play truth or dare?” Lynn’s voice burst out of her in a rush, excitement clear on her face.
“Sure.”
Lynn looked to her twin sister, the one to verbally reply first.
“I thought you’d disagree again this time, Jo.”
She shrugged. “A lot of things can happen in a year.”
“Let’s do it, then.”
I nodded my head halfheartedly, not saying anything.
“Consequences for not doing the dare or answering the truth are… drum roll!” Lynn paused dramatically, drumming her fingers on the floor for a moment before lifting them up into the air with a grin. “You have to eat one of my cookies I made earlier today!”
Everyone groaned unhappily while she laughed like some kind of evil genius.
Even I made a face at that.
The cookies were burnt. No. No, that was wrong. They were somehow a step beyond burnt. They looked inedible.
Really inedible.
I sighed.
“Okay, me first. I choose dare. Someone give me something good.”
It wasn’t ten seconds more before she licked the window, leaving a smear mark.
“Ek… that tasted gross.”
Peter laughed hysterically.
“I was hoping you’d eat one of your cookies for once!”
She lightly punched him in the shoulder and made a face.
We went around the circle.
There were only six of us, and before long it was my turn.
I’d always opted out of this game if I could, much like Jo… with good reason. There were things I didn’t want to say. There were big secrets that I really didn’t want to say. But the dares could get bad too.
“Truth.”
Lynn grinned and I felt a line of sweat roll down the back of my neck.
Everyone had gotten wildly different questions and dares, coming from any random member of the group.
“I got this one,” Lynn spoke up, before anyone else could.
Out of the corner of my eye, as I stared at Lynn, I saw Kat looking worriedly at me.
What was she worried for?
In the next minute, I knew.
“If you had to pick your mate from someone you know,” she paused, holding up her hands to gesture at everyone before continuing on, “not necessarily someone here…”
She trailed off, a sort of glint in her eyes before she asked the real question.
I held my breath, unable to look away from her.
Tense and not liking the direction this was headed, I begged her silently to stop. Don’t ask.
“Who would it be?”
I looked down, refusing to meet anyone’s gaze.
Silence surrounded us as I looked for the least burnt cookie, picking it up and eating it, barely tasting the charred black parts… barely tasting anything at all.
The question itself made me feel numb.
I’d been lying to them. To everyone but Lee. Was this guilt? Or was it anger? Not one of them noticed. Not one of them asked about Lee. All except Kat.
And what a stupid question… like they didn’t suspect how I felt about him. They knew, they just wanted me to admit it.
Well, how’s this? I won’t. Can’t… If I do… who says I’m not going to just spill everything? Who says I’ll be able to contain our secret?
Not to mention…
“She’s in her right mind, not choosing any of us.”
They all laughed and continued on in the game, like nothing was wrong. It was like they didn’t have a clue they’d been standing on the tip of the iceberg.
Someone rightly refused to drink toilet water.
Lizzie admitted that she had a crush on someone, her face turning bright red as she did. She’d almost taken a cookie, but since they hadn’t asked for a name, it was fine to admit.
It came around to me again.
I gave truth a shot again.
“Why are you so sensitive on the topic of mates?”
That was a mistake.
I closed my eyes, shaking my head in frustration.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered.
Anger was prickling up in me.
To stave it off, I grabbed another cookie and shoved it in my mouth before I said anything stupid. I chomped on it as I stalked off toward my room.
“Wait, Jane, what’s wrong?”
I stopped, refusing to look back at them. I swallowed the rest of the cookie and spoke, my voice entirely devoid of emotion.
“If you had anything good to ask, then you wouldn’t be stuck on that stupid topic. Who gives a crap about mates anyway?”
I continued walking in the silence that followed.
When I moved to shut the door completely, I paused, hearing their voices.
“I think she’s missing Lee,” was the first whisper I heard.
“Really? Do you think that’s all it is?”
“Oh, right, I don’t think she got to see him off at all. Since they left in the morning, we said goodbye the night before.”
They left at dawn, yeah. But I was there. I guess her mom didn’t tell her. Alpha Blakeley, do you always keep little things like that a secret? How many secrets… did she have?
“Do you think her parents are pressuring her to get a mate or something?” Lizzie sounded really concerned, quietly asking that.
“No way, with her parents? Jack and Kelly? They’d never push that.”
“Her and Lee seemed off last time they were together, right? Maybe they had a fight and it’s weighing on her?”
Oh, come on Peter, did you really ask that?
There was some contemplative silence for a minute.
“I think she’s in love with Lee.”
I froze.
Lynn… is that why you were asking those questions? You really want me to admit it that badly? I shook my head, pressing my forehead lightly against the door.
“But, the last two years…”
“It means they aren’t true mates.”
Lynn finished the words they’d all probably been thinking.
I felt like puking, hearing this.
“Oh, man… if she’s in love with him and he said no because they aren’t…”
“Or if she rejected him and is regretting it?”
Kat, who had stayed silent the whole time, finally spoke up, irritation in her voice.
“Whatever it is, we probably shouldn’t push her to say anything. And stop asking questions about mates, Lynn, none of us even have one.”
“Right. It’s her business. She’ll tell us if she wants to.”
“I just hope everything’s okay, though.” Josephine’s voice grew louder, as if she were facing the direction I left in as she spoke, “They’re coming back from the trip next year, right?”
“Yeah.”
I closed the door silently, pushing away from it only to dive for my bed and bury my face in the blankets there.
I felt lost.
Here.
Out of place, among everyone I knew…
How did I handle this in the past?
When Lee wasn’t there, what did I normally do?
What did I normally say?
I shook my head as my hands reached up to collect my tearful face.
No. The reason it meant so much now, compared to then, was because of what we were. Now that we knew, it was hard to forget. And now that I wouldn’t even be seeing him every so often, that I couldn’t just race over and see his face…
The new kind of waiting was just as torturous, and it had only barely begun.
Hadn’t it?
When…
I hugged my pillow, rather than laying down on it.
When will I…
Eventually, Kat wandered in.
“Jane? Are you awake?”
She waited for my response, but I didn’t reply.
Sorry, Kat. Not tonight.
She left it at that, headed to bed herself.
The mattress creaked as she laid down on it. I let my tears fall.
When will I see you again, Lee?
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