" Alina we had an agreement you can't go around hitting people" he said I could hear the concern in his voice especially as he said the next bit " if needed you can have more time off I'm more the happy to excuse you from classes" oh god he really just said that
" I don't want your pity I'm fine I don't need help" I raised my voice, he flinched a little he pushed more though
"Alina what happened last year must have been hard I'm not trying to make it seem like I pity you' I got up and started towards the door cutting him off 'Alina where are you going you can't leave"
I scoffed "I'm going to get my bag I left it in the cafeteria" I mean it wasn't a lie I honesty forgot it .
He yelled from behind me "remember my door is always open"
"I know"
and with that I walked back to the cafeteria and went straight to my brothers table to get my bag I dropped there. They all looked at me as I grabbed my bag I glanced at Lucas and told him " I'm leaving get someone else to give you a ride home conners going for a play date at matts house and emery is hanging out with her friends so she's walking home"
he just stared at me for second before he answered "yeah okay um ill find a ride, you good why are you leaving"
I felt bad for not telling him but I just gave me a vague answer "have to let off some steam ill see you tonight don't forget your cooking"
he let out a breath of laughter at the last part "k ill see you tonight call me if you need me also I've got practice tomorrow "
"okay bye" with that I left. Once I got in the car, I broke down the flashes in my mind reminding me of it all I started the car and drove
"hey baby" I gulped as I heard his voice in my ear angrier then usual "we had a deal so where the fuck were you yesterday you fucking whore" he yelled as he threw the bottle at the wall just missing my head, my back still turned to him I whispered " I know but my little brother was sick and I had to-" another crash cut me off " you really think I fucking care" he came close moved my hair of my shoulder "maybe ill just have to go harder than usual huh" I shivered as he -
No, I no I can't let myself remember no –
God his hands on my body slowly moving down his mouth touching me –
No no please-
The sharp needle pricking my arm I squealed and grinned like the Cheshire cat the music beating around the room the heat and everything making it ten times better "shots?" my new friend asked I immediately nodded and swallowed down three shots not m first drink tonight then she handed me the packet full of the clearish cryste-
The tears came harder, but I kept driving I had to get there now –
The feeling of the wind around my body I looked down the height exhilarating the water below should be low enough to-
I let out a gasp almost there just a little further –
I swallowed the acid as I pushed into the water, I held the side of the bathtub to hold myself down the breath I had quickly running out then the water rushed in the pounding in my head increasing the pressure building and it went black-
I threw the car door open and ran to the lake side dropping to my knees trying to breathe but I just couldn't it all rushing in-
The feeling of my fingers down my throat setting off my gag reflex I had to make them believe I was fine they couldn't know –
I started clawing at my arms hands, needles, the wind, all of it, the feeling was everywhere, and they wouldn't stop it feels like my head is exploding like it all happening at once but one by one, like I'm going crazy. I let out a scream the pain just increasing it wasn't fair it's not fucking fair I just need it all to stop
I stayed there for hours just screaming crying scratching try to get out of my skin before I just stopped the exhaustion too much, I felt numb, but it wouldn't last long soon the feeling of nothing would be gone
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