“You mean Milan,” I said. He did say he preferred transparency. “Right?”

“Aubyn and Milan are as close to family to me as they can get without blood relation,” Mr S replied. “They are very important to me.”

“My presence won’t bring about any crazies,” I tried assuring him. “I’m not involved with drug dealers or shady gangsters. I’m just someone who doesn’t have the best home life and wants to be able to stand on his own. That’s why I’m accepting the help… for now.”

“So long as we are clear.”

We continued slicing vegetables and I continued to watch and do the things he did. We made cheesy omelettes that were bursting with the numerous stir-fried vegetables inside. Cooking the food wasn’t hard. Everything was just stirred around in a frying pan then expertly wrapped in an egg burrito… somehow. I hadn’t gotten to do that part. He must have known I’d fail.

There was only one thing I did on my own and that was toast the slices of bread. Mr S had been right about shopping needing to be done. We nearly cleared out the entire fridge. The only things left inside were a few fruits and vegetables and sauces.

“Since you want me to be transparent about everything, does that mean you will be transparent with me about everything?” I asked once we started setting the table. “Because I know you’re not human.”

“I’m a vacura,” Mr S said. “It is not a secret. Were my fangs not a dead giveaway?”

I shook my head. I had noticed his pointy canines. “Aubyn has pointy teeth too, and he says he’s not a vacura.”

“Oh, you are right about that. Speaking of Aubyn, are you done trying to get him to sleep with you?” he asked.

I cringed. “You make it seem like I’ve been pestering him. If he doesn’t want to fuck me, he doesn’t have to.”

Mr S chuckled. “I think it is the ‘how’ that bothers him. Not the actual deed.”

A relationship sounded like just sex to me, though with a lot more headache. “Do you know the difference between a one-night stand and a nonromantic sexual relationship?”

“One is more consistent. I used to prefer not being tied down to one person because it was convenient. My job requires me to travel sometimes for weeks to months at a time so I did not have time for a relationship, but I do have certain… Uhm…”

“Needs you have to meet?” I asked.

“No. Sex is not a need. It is a want tied to desire. However, I like the experience, so I do engage.”

I couldn’t wholeheartedly agree with him. I tried to imagine going the rest of my life without having sex again and my brain nearly short-circuited. “Okay, so you said you used to. What changed? Got a taste of a more permanent arrangement and preferred it?”

He shrugged. “Something like that. I was content with brief agreements and one-night stands though. They serve their purpose. Quick and convenient. However, there is no bond between you and someone you have sex with and leave behind. I saw no use in doing anything different because of my job until I met someone worth changing for. I used to tease Aubyn about his ways, but he is from a different culture than I am where such casual sex is frowned upon.”

I sighed and leaned against the table once I put the last fork down. “I don’t get this bond you mentioned. He said the same thing too.”

“Do you have any close family?”

“No.”

“Close friends?”

“Uh… Rikki, a girl from my school.”

He rubbed his chin, eyebrows furrowed as he thought. “Well, think about her, the way you spend time with her, texts, calls, laughing together. She is your friend, so you must care about her to some extent. Would you be concerned if she didn’t show up to school for a few days? Would you worry if she got into an accident? Would you be happy if she landed her dream job?”

“Yes, to all of that,” I answered.

“That is because the two of you have a bond. Bonds are built from shared experiences, interests and feelings. It is a connection you have with another person.” He tilted his head as he looked at me. “The bond Aubyn speaks of doesn’t have to include feelings, but rather the sharing of a sexual interest and experience.”

I groaned, rubbing the back of my neck. “Maybe it’s because I’ve never experienced that before, but I don’t really think I get it. I mean, I get that there will be some kind of connection, but I can’t imagine how that connection would make sex any different.”

“Then maybe you need to experience it for yourself,” he said. “I have one sexual partner now. However, we are romantically involved. Seeing as one-night stands are usually only in it for the finish line, it is refreshing to get to enjoy the journey now. Do not close your mind off to new experiences just because they seem strange and unfamiliar. I think it will be a nice change of pace for you too, considering your usual habits. So many things are changing in your life. Maybe you need something consistent that you can have control over.”

“You mean a relationship with Aubyn?”

Mr S hesitated. “Maybe not with Aubyn. But anyone else you feel safe with might do if that is a priority for you.”

It was tempting if only to experience it, commitment issues aside. However, there was the issue of my defect that I would bet my savings that Aubyn and anyone else wouldn’t accept. Most people could overlook it for a night but having me as a long-term sexual partner would mean being satisfied with my body. Aubyn was unrealistically gorgeous. There was no way he would settle for anything subpar.

“It won’t work,” I said aloud, though I had meant to keep it as a thought. “It was nice to fantasize about it though.”

“If you are done mulling it over, please go get Milan and Aubyn. They should be in my room, the first door on your left. Knock before you enter. You never know what you might walk in on,” Mr S warned, walking back into the kitchen.

I nodded and left the dining area, turning left at the hallway that connected the rooms. I knocked on the first door as he said and once I heard a voice, I entered. The room was the same as Aubyn’s, but I hardly had time to take it in properly when my eyes landed on Milan and Aubyn with their arms around each other. Milan was sitting in Aubyn’s lap and had his arms around the bigger man’s neck while Aubyn was rubbing his lower back.

Just seeing them like that made me go rigid. I felt like I was intruding and seeing them so close rubbed me the wrong way. “Am I interrupting?” I asked. I could already feel my eyes narrowing at Aubyn who was looking right at me without a care.

“No. Did you need something?” Aubyn asked.

“Breakfast is ready.”

Milan groaned and pressed further into Aubyn’s chest, prompting the man to hold him closer which sparked something in me. I gripped the doorknob so hard that if I wasn’t as weak as I was, I would have crushed it. To think Aubyn had said that nothing was going on between them. I didn’t like being lied to.

“We will be out in a few minutes. Tell him that Milan doesn’t feel well and that he might need a smoothie for breakfast, will you?”

“What’s wrong with him?” I asked.

“He ate too many sweets and now has an upset stomach.”

I stared at the two again, my body relaxing. “Okay.” I took one last look at them as I left the bedroom and closed the door behind me. I went back to the dining area, just in time to stop Mr S from placing the last plate down. “Milan doesn’t feel well. Aubyn says he’ll probably need a smoothie for breakfast.”

Mr S immediately glanced back towards the bedrooms. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“He ate too many sweets. Aubyn bought a few snacks at the convenience store last night and Milan probably had more than just the cookie he was supposed to have.” I felt like I was tattling.

Mr S looked confused for a moment like he didn’t know whether to start making the smoothie or go check on Milan. It was obvious he was concerned. I had seen Rikki make that face every time she asked me if I was alright.

“I can make the smoothie while you go check on him,” I volunteered without thinking. Working a blender couldn’t be that hard. “I just need to know what goes in it.”

Mr S went into the kitchen and started taking things out of the fridge and cupboards. He placed them all on the counter and then took out a small blender. “Strawberry, ginger, banana, yoghurt, coconut water, and this.” He unwrapped a green root that looked just like ginger but had a strong herbal scent. “Fit a bit of everything in this cup to the max line, cover it with the blade attachment, flip it upside down into the base and push down to blend. Got it?”

I nodded sharply and he set off to check on Milan. I’d had enough cutting and slicing practice with all the vegetables to cut up some fruits. I seldom ate fruits. Vegetables were occasional, but not the best tasting to me. The green root had turned the smoothie green which wasn’t the most appetizing colour. I couldn’t imagine drinking what I was making, even if it did smell good.