*Warning! There is discrimination, transphobic and inappropriate words in this part. If you don't like that then I suggest you skip this episode cause it might be triggering even trough it is only minor." Enjoy!*
"Is it true that your only dressing up as a girl cause your a slut?" The boys say in a mocking tone. They laugh and they laugh for a few short seconds. Why do I have to be treated that way? What did I do to deserve this? The only thing I did is being nice to people. This is only my third day at school and I'm already bullied just like in my last school, Lewis high. Why are people so cruel, just because I am- Wait, wait, I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Camilla Wintour the new transfer student. People know me as the trans girl.. and I think I already hate it here. It thought this school wouldn't be as bad, as my last school I went too. Back then I was treated terribly. They bullied me physically and verbally too. They have done so for years, at first it was because I was too girly and now it's because I'm trans. Why do they have to bully me just because of who I want to be? I wish they would understand better but it won't happen cause we live in terrible society. People like me will never be accepted just because in their eyes it's wrong that I'm dressing as a girl when my birth gender is technically male. It's not because I was born a male that I was really a boy. In my heart, my head and body, I am a girl not a boy. Why should I block myself to live as I'm suppose to be? I feel like I want to cry.. I already knew I was girl when I was two years old. Young right? At first my parents didn't accept it cause they didn't believe me. Than as yeasts past I still desperately wanted to put dresses on, play with dolls and I even used my mom's makeup for fun. They eventually had to start accepting it cause they knew by then I wouldn't change my mind. Back then news about trans people were getting talked about on the news and my parents saw some of it. They gradually came to the conclusion that I wasn't gay, no I was a trans like they said in the news. At first my dad wasn't confortable with that idea cause he was scared that I was gonna ruin my life but he later learned that living as I wanted was more important than how people will treat me. Back then I was already bullied at school for being too girly and to weak. Thank god my parents came to that conclusion before puberty came. They weren't sure they were ready to see me transition so young but seeing being happy and ready for it, they eventually let their guards down. The doctors started me on hormone blockers at age 12 but it wasn't easy. At first they thought it wasn't good for me. They thought I was too young for that and I probably would change my idea about transitioning. I didn't give trough. They eventually let me start the treatment. So far I haven't been aloud to do anything a else cause I'm just 15 but they told me that if everything goes well by the end of the year I could be put on hormone treatment for female. (Estrogen treatment) I don't know what to feel about that. It's real exciting but they effects that comes with it will be more major than my hormone blockers. This time around I would fully start resembling like a girl. It has been hard but I won't give up just know, I can't give up when I'm so close to my goal. You may wonder how I dress up as a girl and hide my still present make parts? I use fake boobs, pads mostly. It really looks realistic. My hair is mid length and I put makeup every day. I try to hide my more masculin parts but luckily for me the hormone blockers has stopped me from developing a more defined Adam's apple, a way bigger penis, a deeper voice and body hair. I can't wait to start having real boobs. It's not that I'm obsessed with it, It's just I want to feel like a real woman. I can't feel like that when I always have to fake my breasts. I honestly don't know what to do with those boys in my class mocking me.. I'm tired of trying to defend myself, it's not like there'll understand. I leave to go hide in the bathroom cause I fear that I will cry in front of them. "Um..this is the girls bathroom. You can't come in here your a boy." No she did not.. This is so unfair! I only want to go the bathroom but I'm always refused entry just cause I'm trans, this is ridiculous. I bypass her and run to a toilet stall and lock it. My tears start falling. Oh no I'm ruining my makeup. It doesn't matter I always end up doing so anyways. I eventually get out of the bathroom and remake my makeup. Thankfully no one was there. I head to class cause the bell rang. Everyone looks at me. I hate it when they all look at me.. can't they just leave me alone for once? Class starts and the teacher explains to us about environmental impacts and climate change. The teacher eventually tell us to pair up in a pair of two. Oh no..I have no one to pair up with. Everyone is already all getting paired up. This is embarrassing, I have to go ask the teacher for some help.. "I'll be your partner." I turn my head to the voice belonging to the one that just spoke. "Huh?" "Yeah I'll be your partner." "Are you sure it's alright? Don't you have someone else to pair up with?" "Nah I don't actually do that's why I'm pairing up with you." "Oh ok then..I haven't heard your name yet.. What's your name?" We go sit down at his place. Everyone looks at us at first but then start minding their own business. "Oh? I'm surprised you haven't heard it yet, It's Ethan." He puts my hand in front of me. "Shake it." "Oh." I shake his hand. That's..weird. "So what will we talk about?" I ask shyly. "Uh.." He puts in the back of his head as if he's a bit shy.. Oh he's shy too? "I'm sorry I didn't hear what the teacher said.." He lowers his eyes in defeat. "Oh then the teacher told us to-" We spend the rest class plotting what to do about our project. I didn't expect for him to be that nice. He seemed like a cold guy...He didn't look really happy the last few days. He seemed more moody. He was basically screaming with his face that he didn't want anyone talking to him but I'm kind of surprised. He was so sweet and shy when we talked earlier. I didn't expect for us to have so much in common. He really seemed like a fun guy as opposed to the other day. I generally enjoyed talking to him. Since I talked to him earlier everyone keeps warning me to stop taking about him. Besides Ethan there is two other guys that seemed nice. There's only one class left and I hope to be able to talk to them. I think their name was Charlie and Kilan? Yeah, I think I'm right. They seem like they are best friends. I want to know if I could get to know them. They seemed cool. They are basically the only ones that hasn't done anything regarding my sudden appearance on Wednesday. They don't seem like people that would judge me. They haven't looked at me with cold eyes more with natural eyes and Kilan looked at me with a half smile. I want them to know how much their small interactions makes me feel happy. I arrive at our class earlier than usual. Oh good they are already in here. I walk towards them timidly. "Um hey.. you guys seemed like good boys in comparison of the other guys in the class." I don't know why but Kilan has a scowl on his face and Charlie feels a little bit uncomfortable. Did I say something wrong? "Thank you for telling us we're nice but I'm not a boy trough.. I'm none-binary." I look at them cluelessly with a question mark in my face. "It means don't call me a boy. I'm not a boy nor a girl ok?" "Uh ok.." Oh so that's why he didn't look to pleased with my remarked. Oh wow I'm not the only in this school that is struggling with their gender! Oh wow maybe this school is better than I thought. "I'm sorry about that..I didn't know.." People starts entering the class and I can feel them starts to feel a bit more uncomfortable. "It's fine you didn't know. Anyways what did you want to talk about? Class is about to start so I recommend that you tell us know what you want. You can think that they seem harsh at first but no I totally understand why they're saying that. "Um is it ok if I start hanging out with you guys? You seemed nice and I have no other friends here." "Yes you can." "It'll be a yes if you stop talking to Ethan." Charlie slightly punches Kilan in the shoulder as some kind of warning. He gets rid of his mad face and looks at me with a fake smile. "Don't worry about them, you can talk to Ethan if you want too and yes you can start hanging out with us." The teacher comes in and tells us to go sit down. Yes!!! I have friends!! This feels like a dream. I haven't had a friend in more than 6 years. This feels great. What a good way to finish the week.
*This a slightly longer than usual but the more the marier right? See you guys next week!*
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