I can't believe what I'm seeing when Fish hands the actual Luke Asher a note telling him to go jump off a bridge for no reason at all. Was it hatred? Or was Fish just jealous of this beautiful guy that had shown up and actually wanted my help? 

I literally want to die on the spot and disappear into eternity, just so I don't have to see the weird look that crosses Luke's beautiful face and settles there. "Dude," he says, "Are you serious right now?"

"It's not what it looks like, okay?" I tell Luke quickly, "Fish has a weird sense of humor. He's pretty much the funniest guy I've ever met. Haha, real funny, right? " I shoot a glare over at Fish, who shuffles through his stack of cards before holding one up so I can see it. 

It's an upside-down thumb.

Oh my fucking God.

"Hey, Tennyson? Don't worry about it," Luke laughs, and suddenly he's putting his big hand on my shoulder. "Your friend's right. I totally interrupted you guys when I ran up on your conversation. "

"Oh, we weren't talking about anything important--" I start, and then I see the look on Fish's face shift again, only this time he looks absolutely wounded by what I just said. Shit. I hadn't meant to brush him off like that, I really did like talking to him. 

"I just figured you had some experience in coming out," Luke continues, even when Fish turns and starts to walk away, "We literally have no gays in this school that I can talk to without sounding like a total freak. And I really don't want it getting out to anybody until I come out to my dads, but I trust you, you know? Everyone likes you. "

"I don't know, Luke. I never really came out," I admit, grimacing a little, "I kind of just showed up one day and started talking about guys and everyone went along with it. Even my mom and stepdad didn't flip out like I thought they would. Not at first, at least. "

"But how?" Luke demands, and I turn to look back at Fish, who vanishes into the school. "I've seen kids in movies who come out and end up with walking targets on their backs!"

I exhale, and then I close my eyes for a second, and then open them again. I was going to have to apologize to Fish later when we met up at swim practice. Not only did I feel like a piece of shit, but I might have also just lost the chance to actually figure out who he was.

"Look, Luke," I take him by the shoulder this time and then lead him towards the gym, "We're real gays, okay? When Emilio came out, some people gave him crap, but most people were okay with it. Especially when I came out a few years after he did. It's going to be okay; you have our support. We have your back! "

"Tennyson, I'm not... um... I'm not gay, okay?" Luke falters. 

I stop walking and stare at him, shocked. "But I thought you wanted to come out to your dad's?"

"Uh, yeah," Luke blushes bright red and rubs the back of his neck, "I'm not "gay-gay" is what I mean. I think I might be something else, you know? I still like girls, but I also really like guys. But then it weirds me out when they get all clingy, you know? Amy Mcphee called me babe last week, and I thought about it all day. It's weird, Tennyson. "

I feel my face burning bright red at this point as I try to understand what the hell was going on.

"I don't know what your feeling, Luke," I answer, trying not to sound like a total flustered idiot. "But maybe you should figure out what's bothering you before you come out."

Luke squints a little, searching my expression.

"Like, maybe you should date more people and just sit on it, you know?" I try; and my voice is a little higher pitched now. Why the hell was he looking at me like that? 

"I fucked Creed Foster."

A moment of silence passes between us. 

"We banged in one of the classrooms during detention," Luke continues, practically choking on his own tongue. "He made the first move. We agreed not to tell anyone, then we did it."

Oh. My. God.

"But I didn't feel anything, Tennyson!" Luke exclaims, and his hands slide into his hair. "I didn't want to be his boyfriend, I just wanted to sleep with him! Am I a monster? Am I crazy? "

The bell rings dismissing everyone from school, then the doors open, and students flood out. But all I can think about is Creed banging Luke Asher and then banging me, and not even knowing what was going on. 

"I gotta go, Luke..." I mumble, and then I turn to walk away, "I'll see you around, okay?"

"Carter!" Luke shouts after me, "We should talk later! I'll message you later, Bro! "

But by then, I'm already gone. I needed to talk to Creed big time.