True to his word, as always, Bodin had sent my maid it in with fresh bedding and she didn't bother to ask what had occurred as she quickly righted the sheets and coverlet. Only glancing around in confusion as she couldn't find the old ones to the wash.
"It's taken care of Ginny." I told her.
She gave me a quick nod and exited as quietly as she'd come.
Leaving me alone.
And wondering what had happened. And what the morning would bring.
I was somewhat stunned at what had occurred. I could close my eyes and still feel that delicious pleasure coiling through me. Forbidden pleasure. With a forbidden man.
Bodin wasn't the man I wanted.
He's out there somewhere. I realized I was pacing furiously. And at some point, Ginny had returned.
She was tucking a warming block into the footer of my bed. But moving slowly as she gave me a confused study.
When had I began pacing? I realized I was still wearing my dress, but one sleeve dangled limply down my shoulder and my skirts were still somewhat tangled.
And it was Bodin that fetched her. Catching the tangle in my underskirt I yanked it out and gave her a scathing look. Unwilling to discuss anything about what was wrong with me.
Don't ask.
***
I refocused my thoughts to what Bodin had done. What I did.
Only alone would I admit that I had played an active role in what we were doing. Though I stamped that thought down. My cheeks heating with my shame as I remembered how I'd lifted my hips to catch him into me.
What was I doing? What was I thinking! It was so horrendously intimate.
And the intense study of his gaze on mine was unforgettable. His eyes so dark they were nearly black. His head tilted as he watched every expression every sound coming from me. His lips parted as he panted in pleasure. His shoulders and back sleek with sweat as he had moved in and out of me.
I swallowed hard. Banishing the thoughts. My father!
I told myself to refocus. Clawing for the more important issue at hand. Make it through the night.
I crept to my bedroom door and as I slowly gripped the handle and began to creak my door open, I heard the floorboard in the hall creek next the outside. Realizing Bodin was still there I slammed the door shut instantly. Not wanting to bring a repeat of the confusing incident.
I don't think...
I cracked the door again to whisper through it. "Go away, Din!"
"Come in?" He queried breathlessly.
"No!" I said a bit loudly. "I said go away."
"Come in?"
"No!"
Hearing his chuckle revealed he was toying with me apurpose.
"You-you jackanape!" I scrambled for a suitable insult.
"Do you even know what that word means?" His low rumbling voice whispered back to me.
"Enough."
"Not atall." He corrected, not buying my bluster. I could almost envision him crossing his arms in that quiet displeased way.
"I just want to see Father."
"He's not doing well." I heard the floorboard creak and though it was too dark to see into the hall through the tiny crack I peered through I suddenly perceived it to be much darker and registered the frame of the door groaned under his weight. And his warm breath was seeping through the door near my forehead. "I don't think he'll make it through the night, Belle."
He'd rolled to block the door entirely before telling me. On purpose.
"I need to see him."
"I know you do. I promise I won't let him go without you saying goodbye. I'll do all in my power to make sure that doesn't happen. But let me protect you in this. Let me ready him to see you when it's time so you don't see something that breaks your heart and steals every happy image of him you carry." Though he wasn't asking me, there was such pleading in his voice that I realized how much it meant to him.
He really is worried it'd destroy me. I felt as though someone had punched me. My whole body deflated, and I slid down the crack to fall to my knees on the door.
"I can't lose him. He's the only family I have."
There was a long pause where I thought he might tell me I had him. But in characteristic Bodin fashion he was dead quiet.
But I heard his hand slide down the doorframe and realized, though I couldn't see him, he'd crouched just before me.
"I know, Belle. But you won't be alone."
But he was wrong. Despite everything I'd claimed earlier, I knew of no family that even knew I existed, much less that'd come for me. Though I was sure there'd be plenty once they knew I'd inherited father's fortune, I didn't know who they'd be.
"You'll be taken care of, I vow it."
***
Yes. But by who? I dropped my face to my palms and mourned my father as though he'd already gone. Feeling hopeless that Bodin was as immoveable as a mountain in this.
He won't let me see him.
When did Bodin become this?
He'd always bent to my will. I thought I had him firmly in hand and often boasted such to Sarah.
Now, now I wasn't so sure.
What have I done? I sobbed quietly. Wishing for all the world that my father was there to comfort me.
After a time, I rolled my back to the wall next to the door and cried into my hands. Lifting the skirt of my dress to wipe my nose, uncaring of the damage it'd do in this instance.
At some point while I'd sat there and grieved, I'd fallen asleep. My head against the wall and my knees drawn to my chest. I didn't realize it until the morning sun peered in the slit between my window shutters and cast a vividly bright ray over my eye.
Grunting I rolled out of it as though I were some evil creature, it'd burned.
"Are you okay?" I heard the urgent whisper from the other side of the cracked door and realized that Bodin had spent the night sitting against the same wall my back was to.
Listening to me sob, no doubt. I was faintly disgusted but too emotional to genuinely care that moment.
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