"Do you want breakfast?" I heard him ask for the wall. Knowing he sat on just the other side. Nearly back-to-back with me.
I shook my head then realized he couldn't see it. "No, Din. I just want to see my father."
"I'll go check on him myself, if you promise to stay."
I hesitated. Wanting to lie but the one thing that Bodin and I had always honored, was our promises to each other. Despite my resentment and confusion toward him, I wasn't yet ready to break the sanctity of that.
"Yes."
"You promise?"
"I do, Din." I said resignedly.
I heard him slide up the wall and knew his boots thudded down the hall. It did occur to me that he must be as exhausted as I was. Knowing I could come bolting out of my chamber any moment to rush to my father's room, he'd been waiting to fight me all night.
I sighed. Staring at the sliver of light peering in the shudders and illuminating dust flakes dancing through the room.
"Belle." He called from the hallway.
I ripped open my door and rushed into the hallway but had only taken a few steps when I slowed at the sight of the pale tinge of his face and his wan expression.
The news is bad.
"Give them a few minutes to get him cleaned up. Then you need to go say your farewells."
"Is he gone?" My voice cracked.
"Not yet. I promised you, you'd see him before then. But it'll be soon, Belle."
He left to return to father's chamber to ensure he was tidied then I heard Bodin's booming voice summoning me down the hall again.
It didn't occur to me to wonder at the time when his voice had become so commanding that I'd jump to obey. In that moment, all I thought of was my father and all the laughter and years of happiness and play and the books we'd read together.
He can't go.
***
I entered the chamber hesitantly and Bodin turned from the bedside to walk to me. Escorting me in so he could stand next to me. A head and a half taller than me, he stood close.
Thinking he'll need to catch me? I bit my lip as I drew near enough to see father. My eyes locked on his bed. He looked incredibly frail under the bed cloth and he was so white he looked as though he were dead already. His eyes sunken in and more wrinkles than I ever remembered him having.
"Papa?" I said slowly.
I saw his eyes move beneath his eyelid in response to my voice and his hand flutter slightly. But he could muster nothing more than that.
I could see a bit of blood seeping like a tear from his eye and bits of it dried along his earlobe.
Bodin wasn't lying to me. I sobbed as I fell to my knees next to the bed. Catching father's hand and pressing it to my forehead as he'd so often done when I was young. Brushing my hair from my face to praise my intelligence or courageous nature.
"Belle." His lips moved just enough to whisper the word and his lips pursed.
I leaned over him to press my forehead to his kiss.
"I love you, Papa." Tears streamed down my face to pour over our hands. I childishly thought if I held onto him, I could keep him from going.
"Love. Belle." He said in a barely audible voice.
"Go, with Bo..." Father pushed my hand away with the last remnants of my strength and I understood what he was doing.
"I want to stay with you, Papa."
"No. Go. Bodin." He blindly pushed my hip again, unable to tilt up enough to make it matter.
Bodin was blinking down at me. "He wishes you to go."
I know. With you.
"Will you stay and watch him fade away in this state or respect his wishes and come away?" He held out his hand. But it was clear he'd respect whichever decision I made.
I looked at Papa and my brow furrowed. I wanted to stay.
"I'll go." I said loudly. But I didn't take Bodin's hand. I lifted my skirt to hush my step and walked around to the otherside of father's bed to sit in the chair with him.
My intent to stay and pretend I was not there, made clear to Bodin.
Bodin gave me a long penetrating look. But tilted his head grudgingly and pulled up a chair on the otherside to sit with Papa just as quietly as me. But he pushed his against the wall, so it was out of the way of the nurses tending him. He sat sideways in it, stringing an arm along the back and propping his back and head against the wall. His head was turned, and he was staring at me impassively.
Thinking something intense. Though I'd no idea what it was.
I decided to avoid his gaze. Staring at father quietly. My hands in my lap as I prayed that somehow, he'd still pull through.
***
I'm not sure how, but at some point, I'd succumbed to my exhaustion and fell asleep sitting as I was. My head hanging as I breathed steadily. The peace of my slumber was broken when I realized Bodin was saying my name.
I blinked blearily and realized he was crouched before me. Looking up at me from just above my knees. "What?"
"It's time, Belle..." He spoke. Taking my hands and guiding me to my feet.
I was still blurry from slumber. "Time?"
Then I woke fully. My blue eyes widening as my gaze landed on father and saw he was now a gray shade. Absent everything that'd made him, him.
"No!" I cried, reaching for him.
Bodin caught me by the arms. "I know, Belle but you have to be rationale. Give him your love then let those that have jobs to do, do what they must."
I gave him a pained look then slid from his grip to lean over and kiss papa's forehead. Giving his cold hand a last squeeze as Bodin led me from the room.
Somber looking men in black suits entering quickly as we left.
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