"You're a week early!" I gushed as I pulled back from a bear hug, taking him in. Only a fortnight had passed since I had last seen my father, but it felt like it had been a lifetime.
As dad's eyes, swirling with love but still filled with sorrow, took me in, he brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear and said, "I thought I'd surprise you both." Then he took a step back, throwing an arm around mum as he pulled her into our small circle we had somehow formed around Callie. "Your mother helped me plan how to get here earlier. I didn't want to be apart longer than I had to."
Callie scoffed below us. "You mean you didn't want to be apart from Lexi," she muttered. Then she pushed her chair away from us as dad slowly dropped his arm from mum. We all watched as my sister pivoted her chair around and wheeled back to her room, slamming the door behind her.
"Callie," mum called out, marching down the hallway on a mission to scold Callie. Meanwhile, I glanced at dad, watching his face fall—this wasn't the reunion he was expecting.
"She's been like this with me, too, if it's any consolation," I mumbled to him.
Brows coming together, dad turned to look at me. "It's not. I don't understand why—"
"She thinks we abandoned her."
"I spoke to her almost every day before Jess passed," he said, like he hadn't seen this coming. Which made me wonder... what was Callie like on the phone with him all this time? "But with the funeral and move I haven't been able to... I explained that before. Is she mad—"
I shook my head. "I don't quite understand her qualms with you, but I do know she thinks we both left her because of her leg."
His brows shot up in absolute shock—as though this were news to him. "I left because Jess—"
"Dad," I cut him off. "I know. But she doesn't get it. Besides... we know that I did leave because of her leg... which I did confess to her when I got back, kind of making this all worse. And now that she has that confirmation to go off and she's using it to blame you as well."
Dad immediately wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest. Fresh linen, musk, and pine filled my nose, warming me from the inside out—nothing was quite like dad's hugs. I always felt so safe with him.
"It's not your fault, Lex," he said softly, before asking, "How are you though?"
Shrugging, I pulled out of his grip—though he still kept his arm around me—and guided him over to the living room. Sitting on the couch, leaning into dad's shoulder, I said, "I know we had six months to prepare... but some days I can't believe she actually is gone. She was my mum—when mum couldn't be there."
"I know," dad breathed as he shifted his hold on me to look at my face. Blue eyes studying me—the same ones I inherited—he tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear as his own gaze began to mist with mourning. "But at least we are back here now with your mum and sister and aunt and grandparents..."
I couldn't help but snag my bottom lip between my teeth, avoiding his eye contact.
"What's wrong, my moon?" dad asked. Moon and Stars—nicknames dad had been calling us for as long as I could remember. He always liked to say we 'light up the darkest of nights' for him. My nickname, Moon, he said was linked to 'Blue Moon' because of my eyes. And Cal's was Stars because her grey eyes twinkle brightly. Or something cheesy like that; it had been so long since I last asked dad to tell me the story behind the names.
"Another reason Callie is so mad at me... maybe a little bit at you... is because I called Jess 'mum' in front of her," I confessed. "So I think she thinks we just ran away and forgot her and mum existed."
Dad heaved a sigh, slumping into the couch. "I mean, you're entitled to think of Jess as a mother or parent. She played a big role in your life, especially in your teenage years." He shook his head. "But don't worry about Cal. Your mum and I will talk it out with her. She will understand eventually. Just know that your feelings towards Jessica are warranted. And she did see you as her own daughter, even if it wasn't by blood."
I felt my face and body soften into him as I placed my head back on his shoulder once more. Then he gently rested his head atop mine. "Hey dad?" I whispered.
"Hey Lex?"
I did my best to hold back my eyeroll at his expected dad-like reply—even if he couldn't see it. "How are you?" I breathed.
He was quiet for an immeasurable amount of time, but I didn't push him. Instead, I kept my head where it was, listening to the aircon gently humming in the background; the fridge kicking back on as the ice cubes automatically emptied into the basket and the water refilled the tray; and the gentle beat of his heart coming through my ear pressed to his shoulder.
"I will never not miss her," he finally said. "You know Jess and I had a complicated relationship, especially when you and your sister were younger. And I hate that she spent so much of her early twenties getting hurt by me and your mum still being foolish idiots unable to hold back from temptation when it appeared. I will never understand how she forgave me so many times back then... how her love for me managed to stay together despite all the pain I had caused her. But, at the same time, I'm so glad I got to have those five years with her... and you there as well, of course. Even if it meant leaving your mum, sister, and the rest of our family behind. Because even if my time with Jessica was short, she and I shared a bond I don't think I could ever replace." His voice cracked a little at the end.
"Not even with mum?" I whispered.
Dad breathed a croaky laugh. "Your mum and I are best friends regardless of what happens between us. And we've always been so passionately attracted to each other. But loving each other in a romantic way has always been like waves—we ebb and flow too much, crashing into each other but then flowing way too calm to stay together. Or at least, that's what it was like when we were young. Meanwhile Jessica and I... we were never that intense. But she felt so safe. I was never worried that because she had met a guy at work she'd just... leave me. Even if I did cause her the same worry when I was around your mother."
"Do you hate mum for the number of times she kicked you out?"
"I will never hate your mother. Or you, or your sister, or anyone in our family. Life is too short to spend it resenting people. When your mum and I first... well I wanted to say got together, but we weren't ever fully together until we lost that first child. But the time before that... there was so much toxic back and forth between us, so many differences and clashes. But after the first time she cheated on me, when you and Cal were on the way, I stopped expecting too much from her. Every time we got back together, I'd just wonder how long it would last this time."
I slowly nodded.
"But," dad said, taking in a deep breath as he sat up straight, warm eyes glistening at me with such kindness, "If you really want to know how I am right now, I would say I'm feeling complete. Even though Jess is gone and your sister is grumpy at me, how could I not feel great when I'm surrounded by everyone else I love? But that's enough about me. It's time you tell me everything about school. What are your classes like? Have you made friends? Any cute girls—"
I clamped my hand over dad's mouth, eyes going wide in shock as I glanced over his shoulder to make sure mum or Callie hadn't heard.
Getting the hint, he pried my hand away. "What?" he whispered.
"I... haven't told mum and Cal yet."
Brows coming together, he said, "Why not? They wouldn't—"
"I know they wouldn't care... At first, it was mostly because Cal couldn't even stand seeing me in the house that I kind of didn't want to be that vulnerable about my recent revelations. And now... well... you can just say Callie and I have a bet right now and it means she cannot know that part about me yet."
The crease between dad's brows grew even deeper as his eyes studied me. "Should I be worried that the terrible two are up to mischief again?"
Pressing my lips together, I thought it over for a moment. Would there be mischief? Yes. Would hearts probably get broken? Potentially. Will one of us cry? Most likely. "There won't be any teenage pregnancies," I decided to give him. Because it's just kissing...
Dad barked a ridiculously loud laugh in response. "Good. Because if you got pregnant I'd be very confused."
"Shh!" I said again.
But as he brought a hand to his mouth, miming the zipping of his lips, mum emerged from the hallway with furrowed brows.
"Are we keeping secrets from me?" she asked.
Removing his arm from around me, dad turned to glance back at mum, beaming a grin at her before he said, "Only that Lexi was thinking about getting 'I love dad more than mum' tattooed on her when she turns eighteen."
Mum shot him a deadpan stare and said, "That's funny. Because she said last night that her first tattoo was going to say, 'Mum is the best and dad is a loser'."
"Okay," I said, interrupting their squabble. "Firstly, how come we are assuming I am going to get tattoos?"
Both turned to look at me with raised eyebrows, their eyes going over me as if to say 'well what else is next', as though it was a rite of passage for me. Which, to be fair, with the hair, piercings, buckles, leather, rips, fishnet, and studs... it does seem like something I'd do next.
Once their faces had made their point, I then said, "Also, I think my first tattoo would definitely say 'twins rule and parents drool.'" Then I got to my feet and started heading towards my room. "Laters losers," I said, shimmying past mum down the hallway, enjoying mum and dad starting to bicker about how they are totally amazing parents and I just don't understand.
As I closed my bedroom door behind me, I couldn't help the smile spreading on my face. We were all together again.
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