My phone buzzes violently, an international number over the words “Facetime: Audio” fills the obnoxiously bright screen. There is only one person it could be. Why him? Why now? 

Right when I’ve finally worked up the courage to confess to Mei my feelings. Now that I finally know my feelings for her are not completely hopeless. Even if she is still in love with Reese and projecting those feelings on Evalyn, even if she didn’t mean she was ready to try with me, I’ve been given a glimmer of hope today. A chance that I can’t ignore. 

She’s pan. Not lesbian. Not bi. Pan. So maybe, just maybe she could accept someone like me. She’s finally opening up to me, being honest about Reese and showing me those emotions she always keeps carefully tucked away. She even admitted that I’m her best friend. She called me Thaddeus, the name I’ve been waiting to hear her call me since the day we met. That means I can tell her, right? About not just my feelings, but who I really am? 

“Are you going to answer that?” Mei asks too quickly, looking down at my phone. 

I wet my lips. “No, it’s fine.”

“It’s an international call. It could be your parents, right?” she encourages.

“No, they wouldn’t–” I sigh, cutting myself off before I say something I can’t take back. “It’s just Tomos,” I say honestly. 

“Oh, then you should answer it and tell him you’re staying the night with me. He might be worried about you.”

She looks at me expectantly, completely oblivious of the ridiculousness of what she just said. No way he would ever be worried about me, but I suppose there is no way justify ignoring my “brother” who “helped” us so much today. 

“I’ll just step outside to see what he wants.”

“Oh, sure. I’ll just…” She looks around the room, her eyes landing on our teacups. “... clean up.”

I slide my thumb across the screen to answer, holding my hand over the speaker until I’m safely outside. “What do you want?” I say as soon as the door shuts behind me.

“Is that anyway to greet your only brother who you haven’t seen in a whole year?” Tomos says, dramatic as ever. 

“You aren’t my brother.”

“My, my, someone’s grumpy today. I’m sorry, did I interrupt your beauty sleep? I never know when to call with the time difference and all.”

“No, I was awake,” I sigh, “I just don’t have the patience for your games, so cut to the point.”

“Point? Does there need to be a point to me calling my own brother?”

“You aren’t my— Whatever, so what is this? A social call, Tomos?” I say a bit vindictively. 

“Don’t call me that,” he growls. “My name is—”

“Thaddeus?” Mei’s voice has me spinning around to see her holding a bundle of cloth in her hands. “Sorry to interrupt,” she grimaces. “You forgot your coat and it’s cold outside, so…” She holds out her package expectantly. 

“Thanks,” I flash her a small smile and accept my coat, quickly putting it on and hoping she will just go away instead of being the normally nosey woman I love so much.

“Is that a girl?” Tomos teases. “At this time of night? My, my, you have been busy.”

I ignore him as I realize I will need to be direct with Mei if I want her to leave. “Sorry, Mei, this might take a bit longer than I expected. I’ll be inside in a few minutes.”

“Oh, right,” she flushes, realizing I’m asking her to leave. “I’ll give you some privacy.” 

“Mei?” Tomos continues yammering on the phone. “Is that her name? Tell me, have you told her what you are yet?”

“Well, tell Tomos thank you for me,” Mei says.

I wince. 

“Tomos? Why would she need to thank me?”

As Mei goes back inside I answer, “She doesn’t. This has nothing to do with you.”

“I see, so the honorable brother has been going around stealing my identity yet again. That’s rich,” he snaps. 

“I thought you said your name wasn’t Tomos,” I challenge. “Anyways, I didn’t steal anything from you.”

“Oh, so I must have just imagined the eighteen years of my childhood you stole,” his temper rises.

“You wouldn’t even be alive if not for me. Whatever, if you just called to argue, I’m hanging up.”

“No wait,” Tomos wines, suddenly docile again. “I want to hear about your life in America. And about this girl you’re lying to. Is she at least pretty enough to justify you breaking all your precious codes for?”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Wow, getting worked up are we? She must be important to you.”

“I’m not talking about this with you.”

“Hm, pity. Then I’ll just have to meet her for myself.”

“Don’t.” 

“Oh come now, you don’t want me to meet your lovely girlfriend? I’ve been thinking about taking a trip to America for a while now. Maybe I’ll stop by for tea.”

“I literally never want to see you again.”

“Must be difficult to look in the mirror in the morning.”

“Just stay out of my life.”

“Alright, alright, I can see where I’m not welcome,” he chuckles. “But if you don’t want to talk about your life, then what ever shall we talk about? I know! How about my life? The life that I have no thanks to you.”

I sigh. Of course. Tomos only ever calls to gloat. “I’m listening,” I say, because despite not being particularly interested in his accomplishments, there is a possibility he might tell me something about the people I left behind in Madron.

“I made partner at the firm,” Tomos announces. 

“Good for you,” I say flatly. 

“It is, isn’t it? All my coworkers threw an enormous party and everyone in the town came. Tristan, Jowan, Mrs. Richards, who I didn’t know, but she says she was my fifth grade teacher apparently?” 

I ignore his jabs, focusing on the good news. Mrs. Richards is still alive, that’s good. She was the person who inspired me to become a teacher. 

“Oh, and of course Elowen was there. Dull girl. Never know what you saw in her. Did you know she’s pregnant now? What will this be? Her third–no fourth–child?” 

She always did want a large family, so it would never have worked out with her anyways.

“Don’t worry, even if you can’t have children, at least you’ll be an uncle someday. Now that I’ve made partner, Morwenna and I are going ring shopping. Dad is so proud, and of course Mum can’t wait to plan a wedding.”

“That’s great,” I sigh, deciding I’m done listening to his self-aggrandizement. “If that’s all, it’s late here, so I’m going to—”

“They asked about you.”

My heart stops. “What?”

“Mum and Dad asked how you were doing. That’s why I called.”

Is it true? Hope I haven’t allowed myself to feel in years rushes back, filling me astonishingly quickly considering how long it’s been dormant. “Really?” I ask, breathless.

“No, not really,” Tomos laughs. “Why would they ever ask about a monster like you?”

Hope drains away even more quickly than it came, but leaves me lower than I was before, empty. 

No, of course not. What a joke. Tomos certainly thinks so as he continues laughing. Why would I ever believe they cared about me? Why would anyone care about me? Someone they could never trust. Never understand. Never know. 

And here I was thinking about telling the woman I love—the woman I told myself a thousand times over I couldn’t live without even if we were only ever friends—the truth? If the people who raised me couldn’t accept me, how could I possibly expect her to? She would surely cut me out of her life just like all the others. In some twist of irony, I find myself actually grateful for Tomos’ untimely interruption and cruel prank. He saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life. 

“Thanks for calling, Tomos.”

“For the last time,” he growls, “my name is—”

His voice is cut off as I hang up.