-Chapter 2-

Over the course of the next few days, and due to his exhausted funds, Guff relied on foraging for his food. 

He ate several odd-tasting berries, which a quick purification spell ensured wouldn’t lead to a repeat of the garden salad incident that occurred a few days prior. 

His anticipation for the coming weekend offset the unpleasantness of the situation, and by Saturday afternoon, as he sat eagerly awaiting the arrival of prospective apprentices, he could barely contain his excitement.

What’ll be your first meal when you get your hands on that cash, eh Guffy boy, he thought to himself. 

Roasted clampus? Mildew-stuffed crokensploff? Or how about some braised mewling eye with a dab of piff sauce? 

The multitude of options danced around in his head like revelers at the summer solstice waiting for the human sacrifice to be offered to the fire gods of the western dawn. 

As he finally settled upon a prospective dish (broiled floppit’s testicles with a side of scorched grass), the door rattled with a light yet incredibly fast-paced knock. 

Stiffening to standing, Guff raced to the door, flinging it open to see a small blue goblin roughly the size of a watermelon floating in mid-air.

“Here for the interview?” Guff beamed.

“Sure-am, lovely-place-you’ve-got-here-wiz, well-not-lovely-lovely, but-homely, yep, sure-is-a-home-isn’t-it,” the goblin replied with a speaking speed akin to an adulterer swiftly putting his clothes back on as his girlfriend’s husband returned home.

“Come on in,” Guff stated somewhat late as the goblin had already sped past him and into the kitchen, “Guff’s the name.”

“No, Stoggie,” the goblin replied, already head-first in the wizard’s empty fridge, “no snacks?” He enquired with a sudden look of utter disappointment.

“I’m afraid not, uh, Stoggie, was it? Money’s a bit tight at the moment, you see, I think you misunderstood me earlier. I was saying my name is Guff.”

“Fine, fine, well let’s get to it then shall we,” Stoggie replied dejectedly, speaking slightly slower than before and yet still unusually speedily as he moved to hover over a kitchen chair.

“You can have a seat if you’d like,” Guff stated.

“Fine here, thanks, not one for sitting, like to be on the move, you see,” Stoggie replied as his head darted in all directions, surveying his surroundings.

“Ok, well, let's get started then shall we, I’d like to know why you're interested in becoming a wizard,” Guff asked, attempting to appear as professional and proper as possible.

“Rabbit and the hat and all that,” Stoggie replied while checking underneath the placemats on the kitchen table.

“I’m sorry?”

“You know, pull one out of the other, don’t you, love all that, hihihi,” Stoggie laughed cheerily, looking directly at Guff momentarily before resuming his search around the room.

“That’s not exactly what a wizard does though.”

“It’s not?” Stoggie asked, stopping suddenly with another look of start disappointment.

“No, that’s more the sort of thing a magician does.”

“Magician? Wizard? What's the difference?” Stoggie asked.

“Well, magicians do tricks, and wizards perform spells, you know, tricks are basically just fake versions of what I, a wizard, can actually do, magicians just give the illusion that they can do these things.”

“So, what you’re saying is, when a magician pulls a rabbit out of a hat, he’s not actually doing it, but when you do it, you’re actually doing it?”

“Well, truthfully I’ve never done it before.”

“Call yourself a wizard!?” Stoggie shouted in a high-pitched tone.

“Yes! Yes, I do because that’s not what we do!”

“Hang on, hang on!” Stoggie stopped suddenly, as if his engine suddenly failed, “I think I’ve got it,” he continued as his face moved closer to Guff’s and inspected him. “I’ve got it!” Stoggie proclaimed firmly.

“Go on,” Guff responded with a hint of growing irritation.

“Wizards have beards, magicians have small thin little mustaches!” Stoggie stated triumphantly, “when you said I can unearth great mysteries of life here in your ad you weren’t wrong were you hihihihi.”

“First of all, my notice said to explore the hidden wonders of the world, and second of all, well… I guess you’re right, but it's not like that's the only difference!” Guff conceded.

“Life’s not that simple, eh? Hihihihi, so when do I start?” Stoggie’s face beamed with excitement.

“This is an interview you see. I have to assess you before I agree to accept you so it’s not definite I’m going to choose you. I’ve got lots of other people to see, I hope” Guff commented, the last part in a hushed tone.

“Right you are wiz. Well, here’s my details, you know where to find me. Looking forward to pulling some rabbits with you!” Stoggie shouted, already halfway out of the front door as a tattered piece of paper fell slowly to the floor.

He goes straight to the bottom of the list, Guff sighed while rubbing his temples.