-Chapter 3-

After Stoggie’s departure, Guff sat motionlessly in somewhat of a daze, staring slack-jawed at his front door.

I really hope they aren’t all going to be like this, he thought to himself as a shiver zig-zagged its way down and back up his spine.

Now oddly nervous, the wizard decided to calm himself with a cup of tea brewed with scented grass that grew just twice a year in the farthest reaches of a meadow currently inhabited by a local group of travelers called ‘The Divine Family’. 

They had informed him that this grass had great calming properties, but added a caveat that he shouldn’t drink it before driving or operating heavy machinery.

Sipping on his gently cooling teacup, which was originally a gift from his one and only former girlfriend (which he didn’t want to think about), Guff sank into his chair as a wave of serenity pulsed through his body. 

However, it wasn’t long until this feeling shattered, much like his last remaining teacup as it fell from his hands and hit the floor due to the front door suddenly swinging open.

“This is the interview, isn’t it?!” A middle-aged bi-speckled woman dressed in formal attire shouted as she darted through the door. 

“My SON is here for the interview!” She continued loudly as a small boy with somewhat green-tinted skin and thick milk bottle glasses swayed into view from behind her commanding presence.

“Y-y-yes this is, please take a seat,” Guff replied frazzled, his hands trembling just like before the first dance at the wizard’s graduation ceremony.

The woman rushed over, clambering onto a chair before shifting it, and herself, a few paces forward so her knees were almost touching Guff’s. 

In the background, the son waddled over, placing his hand slowly and gently on the frame of his mother’s chair.

“My son, he needs guidance, guidance and assistance… and instruction!” The woman began without being asked. “A terrible fool he is, afraid of his own skin, useless as the day he was born into this rotten world I tell you.”

“I see,” Guff replied, somewhat horrified, “what sort of skills does he possess?”

“None,” she replied matter-of-factly.

“None at all?” Guff enquired.

“Absolutely none, didn’t you hear me? He’s useless, he can’t even put his own trousers on. This morning I watched him fall flat on his face three times due to putting both of his legs in the same trouser leg. Three times! The same trouser leg!”

“I see, but, you know, apprenticeship isn’t just for the apprentice, the boy has to come of some benefit to me,” he said quietly, fearing a beating.

“Fish,” the quivering boy replied quietly in the background.

“What was that?” Guff asked.

“Fish!” He said again, this time slightly louder but with a crack in his voice and a pained expression.

“Ah, you are skilled at fishing, are you lad? Well, that could come in handy?” Guff said as his mind began to wander to the thought of delicacies of the sea.

“Well, no, not fishing. Fish. I can make a face like them,” the boy replied before his face warped into an admittedly incredible imitation of a dead-eyed fish gasping for air.

“Well that is… quite… something,” Guff commented, at once disappointed but simultaneously somewhat impressed. “Can you do any other faces?”

“No, just that one,” the boy replied.

“You see, good for nothing, please, for the love of all mothers everywhere, can you please turn him into something useful? Do a spell on him, boost his intelligence, or better yet, teach him some spells so he can make himself cleverer, either way, just please do something!” The mother shouted as she suddenly clasped Guff’s hands, drawing blood with her fingernails.

“Oh please!” Guff squealed, reclining in pain, “I-I-I’ll consider it, I’ll certainly consider it, now, if you would, I have many other people waiting to be seen,” Guff blurted as he rose to his feet and gestured toward the door as the two shuffled their way out.

“Oh, I just realized, I didn’t even catch your name, I am Guff, and you?” Guff asked the boy.

“Guff,” he replied firmly.

“That’s his name, you nit!” The mother berated him. “He’s Pob, and don’t you forget it, he’s your next apprentice,” she stated firmly, wagging her finger as the door closed behind them.

I could really do with another cup of that tea, Guff muttered as he slumped back down into his chair and stared at the remains of the remains of the only remaining token of his life’s single love.