-Chapter 6-

“Where’s my room?” Lilaf shouted as she entered into the house, tripping on the door frame as she went.

“Youmusthavesomethingtoeatsomewhere,” said Stoggie quickl while rummaging through empty cupboard after empty cupboard.

“I hope there aren’t any f-f-flies in here, sir, they wreak havoc with my mental stability, that anything overly shiny,” Pob said with a whimper still standing next to the door.

“You don’t have a room, I don’t have anything to eat, and there are flies, lots of them in fact, and there’s nothing I can do about it!” Guff stated firmly after flopping face-first onto his kitchen table.

“What do you mean I don’t have a room, you can’t expect me to share with boys, that’s not proper, it’s practically perverse!” Lilaf shouted back.

“The only other room is the bathroom! I’m not sure what gave you the impression that this place was anything but a horrible little dive,” Guff shouted back, “but hang on, why the hell are you all here? No one told me this’d be a live-in arrangement!”

“Always c-check the fine-fine-fine print,” Pob muttered, “that’s where all the most horrible stuff is hidden."

“Oi wiz, where can I take a whizz, if you catch my drift,” Stoggie enquired.

“Where do you think!? In the toilet!” Guff answered.

“Not in my bedroom, you won’t!” Lilaf protested.

“Well where am I gonna do it then. Maybe the sink? Already smells like someone did it in there anyway”.

“Do not do it in the sink! Just do it outside!”

“Outside? What do you take me for, I’m not an animal wiz, I’ll do it in the bin instead,” Stoggie replied, floating toward the corner of the kitchen.

“That bin is wicker, it’ll go straight through it!”

“Don’t you have bin bags?” Stoggie asked in an almost mocking tone.

 “Do I look like the kind of person that can afford bin bags? I don’t even have toilet roll!” Guff said with his head in his hands.

“What am I going to do when I need to go, then?” Lilaf asked with a horrified tone.

“I c-c-can’t use leaves, sir, they give me a terrible weeping rash,” Pob stated quietly, staring at the floor.

“Just hold it then! None of you are living here anyway, we’re going to the government office right this minute to sort all this out, I never agreed to this, and this place is barely fit for me let alone three others!”

“Four,” Lilaf replied, pulling a hairless 3-legged mouse out of her pocket, the sight of which sent Pob diving under the kitchen table, cracking one of the legs clean in half as he went causing the table to topple over.

“In case you haven’t noticed wiz, it’s nighttime, it would’ve closed hours ago,” Stoggie replied, now looking under the sink for any morsels of food.

“Well…” Guff frowned and thought for a moment, “well, I suppose we’ll have to go tomorrow. Now, you best all go back where you came from.”

“My mother’s just gone into hibernation, I can’t wake her now or else she might eat me! She’d probably eat you too, although I doubt you’d taste very nice, me on the other hand, I’d be like a dish at a fancy restaurant,” Lilaf replied with a strange look of pride on her face.

“I-i’m afraid my family has left for holiday, as soon as I left the house I saw them leave from the bank with hampers of food and various bottles of something, almost like they were…celebrating,” Pob sighed.

“And you? What excuse do you have to not go home?” Guff asked Stoggie angrily.

“I’m homeless,” Stoggie replied with a straight face.

“I… I see,” Guff neglected to probe any further.

“Alright, well, I suppose you’ll all have to stay here for the night, but tomorrow morning we are going to that office altogether, and I’m going to demand they send you back to wherever you came from, or, in Stoggie’s case, didn’t come from…” Guff said, feeling slightly awkward about the last part.

“Well, I’m taking the bathroom,” Lilaf shouted as she raced in, slamming the door behind her.

“I’m fine just floating in a cupboard,” Stoggie stated as he tore open a packet of stale biscuits Guff had no idea were still there before closing the cupboard door behind him.

Silence fell upon the room as not a word was uttered aside from a long sigh that escaped Guff’s mouth until Pob reluctantly spoke up.

 “I-I would be fine with sleeping anywhere, sir,” Pob said.

“Take the couch,” Guff replied, “I need some fresh air,” he continued before exiting the house and curling up into a ball on the porch.