I woke up tangled in sheets and a pillow covering my face. I was surprised I didn’t suffocate, but that would have been less painful than the crook in my neck and aching back. Fortunately—or not—those were from sticking to one side of the bed rather than what else went on last night.

I flattened the pillow under my head and rearranged the sheets, only to have them caught in something. My lack of upper body strength wasn’t sleeping-related, and I couldn’t turn my head to see what exposed half my body. A snore to my left gave me my answer yet raised more questions.

Leon rolled over before opening his eyes and blinking up at me. I wasn’t expecting him to still be here at whatever time of the morning it was, but his being here while I was still awake was a feat anyway, by my standards.

“You don’t look too happy to see me,” Leon said.

“No, no, I am. It’s that you’re—I didn’t think you’d still be here.”

Leon chuckled and said, “Unless you’re running a hotel, I didn’t think I had to leave at a certain time.”

I turned over and saw that it was half-past nine. No matter what time I woke up, Mathieu was gone, so I didn’t know what was an acceptable time for this to end. Did we make more small talk? Should I make him breakfast—no, I wasn’t doing that—should I thank him? I’d rather he left so I wouldn’t have to deal with this growing awkwardness. 

“Thinking of how to kick me out?” Leon asked.

“Oh, no, well”—I couldn’t think of another way to ask—“what now?” I shouldn’t have been this cagey around someone who’d seen me naked...and that I was still naked around. “When is this exactly...over?”

Leon clutched the sheets to his chest. “I was hoping we could have breakfast in bed and spend the afternoon sharing our darkest secrets.”

I wasn’t used to morning-after pillow talk, so I cracked a smile at what I hoped was a joke. My mind was going into overdrive, trying to keep up and sort through flashbacks from last night. “I’m not saying we should never see each other again, and last night was nice—”

“So nice we did it twice?”

“—but I don’t think it should happen again. Not like this.” 

Not when I wasn’t over Mathieu.

I searched Leon’s eyes for what he thought about my proposal. I was sure we were on the same page last night before we left, but who could be sure with questionable liquor and even more questionable bartenders. Leon looked at me and bit his lip, giving me that same inquisitive expression from last night.

“First, you kick me out, then you break my heart. How will I pick up the pieces?” Leon reached across the bed and pinched me. “I’m kidding. I knew what I was getting into when I asked you, so we’re good. But if you still want me to leave, then I will. Once I remember where my pants are.”

“You don’t have to leave just yet,” I said. Since that was out of the way, I could relax. “I have another question.”

“I think you’ve talked more in the past five minutes than you did at the bar. Well, you did quite a bit after, but that was far less vocabulary.” Leon winked and rested his head in his hand. “What is it?”

“Does whoever you’re with know you’re here right now?”

Leon’s cheeks relaxed from their playful quirk, and he stared right past me like the answer was written on the walls. He furrowed his brow and then sunk back into the pillows. “Why do you think I’m with someone?”

“Something tells me that you’re not the type of guy to hit up a bar out of boredom. You told me you went on a whim, so you had other plans that were canceled or…ruined. You approached me because I probably looked the way you felt. And your response just gave you away.”

“Righto, nothing gets past you,” Leon said. “I guess my plans were ruined because I didn’t have any. The bar was the first place that came to mind, and when you came in, I saw someone who needed a distraction as much as I did. But you’re wrong about one thing. What I had ended weeks ago.”

“What happened?” 

“I think everyone has their limits to what they can take. You meet someone, and you fall for who they show you. But after years of complacency, you stay because you’re blinded by the good times when everything was alright.” Leon wound his fingers in mine. “Then you question everything they do and say, but you still hold on, thinking it’s all in your head. But you can get lost if you stay there too long.” 

We lay there for a moment, hands still laced together. I could let go of all the years I poured into listening to Mathieu read scripts or buying ads he was in, even sneaking into pictures with him to see glimpses of him on the big screen and congratulating him in the back row of those balcony seats. 

Having it spelled out to me so many times never made walking away any easier. I didn’t need to cut him out of my life, but he always drew me back into him when I tried to keep it simple. A little touch, a longing kiss, or how he said my name. Part of me saw through it, that he knew what he was doing, but I also hoped that Mathieu did so because he loved me.

“You got quiet again,” Leon said.  

“I was wondering if I was at my limit yet.”

“You’ll know when you are.” Leon smiled at me again. “I guess we did get around to sharing secrets.”

“I guess we did.” I knew one thing, I never planned on going to that bar again, and Leon might never too, but I wouldn’t mind seeing him again. Even if it was only for talking.

Leon turned on his side and lay down closer to my pillow. Like last night, I didn’t mind how close he was and nuzzled closer until we were practically sharing a pillow.

“If it’s not too late, I guess you can stay for that breakfast,” I said. 

“I was thinking of something similar. Since our time together has been rather unconventional anyway,” Leon touched my cheek, “how about third time’s a charm?”