He went to put Claire in her high chair while I retrieved necessary silverware and dishes.

“You’re somewhat of an optimistic person, aren’t you?”  He asked as he helped move the pot to the dining room table.

“I hope so.  I try to be.”  I was aware that was probably a weird statement, so after we’d started eating and Claire started playing with her food, I slowly explained.  “When I was in high school, I was…not optimistic.  I struggled greatly with how everyone perceived me and was frustrated with how I couldn’t express myself.  My parents had sent me to therapy for years, and I did everything the therapist said.  I can get obsessed with topics, and I spent months – years, even – researching theories, self-help books, everything I could think of.  Nothing ever worked.

“I reached a point where I was deeply depressed, but…no one ever saw it.  To them, I was always the same.  My parents thought I was a sociopath and feared I’d turn into some serial killer,” I didn’t miss his horrified expression, but I continued anyway.  “And that was a common theme amongst my peers as well.  Some thought I was simply dead inside, but the overarching theme was everyone knew something was wrong with me and they all assumed I wasn’t trying to fix it.”

I had tried, though.  So hard.  For so long.  “There was this day my junior year I was sitting on the bleachers, in such a low state of mind, and I remember the track team running by and one of them commenting how ‘the psychopath’ was watching, and another corrected him that it was ‘the sociopath.’  To them, that’s all I ever was.

“I had this strange moment of clarity.  I realized that’s all anyone would ever see me as – empty.  Void of feelings, void of emotions.  While I actually do feel, I can’t fix whatever blocks my feelings from being expressed.  So I had this moment when I realized I could spend my life wallowing in regret that I was unable to fix it, or I could just – accept it.  Embrace it, even.”

I stirred my soup for a moment.  “I made the choice that day to just work with it instead of against it.  I deliberately chose a career where it would be helpful, but still something I was interested in.  I chose my college and degree with that career in mind, even streamlined my researching hobby to make me more appealing to the agency.  It worked, as you know.  And I did well in my career.  There were some jobs I could never take – anything that involved making personal connections with a mark – so that did limit career movement after a point.  Eventually, I realized that even though my career worked for me, I was still…not entirely happy.  I still wanted to make connections with people, but my career blocked that as much as my own little problem.  So I ended up retiring.

“But to your question – that day when I decided to take advantage of my issues instead of letting it overwhelm me, I also decided I would to try to look at the bright side from then on.  It’s not always easy, there’s still days I wake up in a gloom with no specific reason why, but I thought – I realized I have enough negatives in my life as it is, there will always be things that seek to push me down and choke my happiness, so I might as well look for the glimmers of light that exist.  Hope for more, if I can’t find any.  It’s not a perfect philosophy, and sometimes it fails, but I think it has made me a happier person, on the whole.”

Not that it showed in my face or body language.  If I encountered someone today from my high school, I was fairly certain they’d think I was exactly the same as I was back then, even though to me, there was a world of difference between the depressed teen I’d been and the confident person I was today.

“That’s pretty admirable.”  Sorrel sat back in his chair.  “Also, the soup was great – I’ll give you an A- so you have room to make it better next time.”  He winked at me.

If laughing were within my capabilities, I’d probably have laughed at that.  “I’ll endeavor to get full marks next time, then.”

“Seriously, though, Elizabeth,” his dark blue eyes were focused on me, solemn, but warm.  “I’m sorry you struggled with all of that alone, without anyone understanding you, but you are pretty amazing to not only turn it around and make it a strength but to also find a way to be happy despite everything.  I think a lot of people could stand to learn from you.”

Then his brows furrowed a bit.  “Your parents – they really thought you would end up as a serial killer?  Honestly?”

Since we had both finished by now, I rose to start clearing the table while he attempted to try to get Claire to eat at least a couple bites.  “They did.  They were afraid of me and made no secret of it.  I never felt love from them and in return I don’t know that I could say I loved them, either.  I felt frustrated that they could not understand me and instead believed the worst.  We mutually parted ways after my high school graduation.  I have not seen them since then nor have I had any reason to contact them, and they likewise.  The only downside to me in that arrangement was that I lost contact with my cousin, one of the only people who had attempted to understand me when I was younger.  She lives here in Avenglade, though, which was one of the reasons I moved here.”

Sorrel actually seemed pissed off at my parents on my behalf, but I knew fairies were close-knit and valued family relationships deeply, so my issues with my family probably bothered him more than me.

“Oh?  Is she a familiar, too?”

I nodded once.  “Virginia.  She has two children, Devon, a familiar as well, and Maggie, a human.”

Sorrel stopped trying to clean Claire and looked at me in surprise.  “Devon and Virginia?  I know them – well, sort of.  Devon’s good friends with Riven, he works at the café with him.  They both helped when we were dealing with the dark soul.  We had Riven’s cousin and aunt, who are unicorns – but in hiding, you understand – come to help us trap the dark soul since we needed unicorn magic.  Devon and his mom helped serve as bodyguards just to make sure no harm came to them.  Devon knew they were unicorns – he was actually involved in a lot of the planning, or at least there for it – while I’m not sure if Virginia knew, but she may have guessed.”

I was as surprised as he was.  I had no idea Virginia and Devon actually knew some of my new acquaintances, let alone were good friends with some of them.  “Small world, I guess.”

“Riven’s met Maggie, apparently Devon actually got his advice on the whole issue of protecting her back when she first found out,” he mused.  “He wanted to introduce her to some of Nathan’s siblings who are close to her age – they’re all rabbit shifters, so, you know, not particularly dangerous – but apparently Virginia vetoed it.”

“She might be more willing to consider it now,” I said slowly, “I think.  Maggie wants to see more of the supernatural world but Virginia is afraid, although we had a discussion the other week and I think she’s more open to the idea.”

“I can kind of get that, after becoming a parent.”  Sorrel scooped his daughter out of her chair.  “I mean, I was super protective of Honey and Ren already, growing up, but with Claire, I’m worried I’m going to get even worse once she gets older.”  He sighed.  “I’m going to be one of those helicopter dads, aren’t I?”

“Probably.  Fairies can hover, after all.”  Literally.

Sorrel snorted and rolled his eyes.  “Very funny.”

I took in his tired face, and the way Claire was starting to droop in his arms.  “You’ve had a long week, and while I enjoy your company,” which was so clearly displayed by my flat tone, “it looks like you should both be getting some rest.  I can pack up her things for you.”

“That’s – thank you, I guess that is best.  Sorry to eat and run, though.”

I didn’t feel like he’d done that, and I’d invited him to eat in the first place.  “Your behavior is acceptable to me.”

He made a wry face and started helping gather up some of Claire’s things.  When we finished, I helped him take everything to his car and loaded it in while he buckled Claire in place.

Sorrel paused before getting in the driver’s seat.  “Elizabeth – thank you for everything.  For looking after Claire this week, for letting me talk, for talking about the other Claire – it was nice to hear from someone else who knew her.  And for letting me know more about you.  I appreciate that.  I hope you know that I, at least, enjoy your company and I don’t think you’re a sociopath.  Actually, I think if people paid enough attention, they can learn to read your emotions.”  He shrugged.  “Anyway, I’m glad we’re friends and, just – thank you.”

He left before I could fully process the shocking thing he just said, and I went back to my apartment turning over his comment.

He thought people could read my emotions, with practice?  I really wanted to know what he meant by that, because no one had ever told me that before.  And I wanted some answers.