Sam twiddled his fingers taking a moment to breathe, his verbal speed fast and exhausting. 

"To say I have never gotten a bigger headache from a homework assignment in my 29 years of living would be an understatement and let me tell you I really hated high school," He chuckled shaking his head while others chuckled along with him at his blatant exhaustion. "definitely the worst four years of my life and I've experienced running out of toilet paper in the bathroom at a restaurant while on a date so if that doesn't say somethin' I don't know what will." I laughed at that one, only just recently did I get to experience the feeling of running out of toilet paper in a bathroom that wasn't my own. 

"Depression. I feel like we all experience it at some point. Some of us experience it for a couple of months; some of us for years, and some of us, for the rest of our lives. But the reason I'm even here today to speak about this is not because of what it is, but what it can do to you or someone you love if left untreated." His lips pursed, his eyes now downcast in contemplation while the atmosphere grew heavy in silence.

"When I was only 9 with a clear memory I can still recall the sound of a gunshot ringing through the house as my father took his life upstairs in his bedroom while my mom was at work." I heard gasps from all around me. Even I could feel my mouth pop open at the memory, and yet even though I never had parents and could never begin to understand what that must of been like, I felt a tight heavy feeling in my heart for the man standing at the front of the stage now looking up into the stage lights.

"My dad was not a victim of depression till it took his life. You can not become a victim of something you can fight because you can always choose to try. To try and fight to see and live another day knowing that today, you beat depression. Depression isn't the plague I've come to discuss today folks. Today I've come to lecture about suicide and how you can save someone's life without really knowing it." He stopped talking to look around again with the same smile he started his lecture with, his happy-go-lucky aura calming some of the tension in the atmosphere. 

We spent a good 2 hours listening to that guy's speech and honestly I feel like I just got baptized in holy water and pissed on by Jesus, who was a jew by the way, or at least that's what Keaton says. 

Jamie and I were on the way to our second block for today with numb asses and throbbing heads from being enlightened by Sam and all of his 200 ways to save someone from something you can't see and nobody wants to talk about. 

"I mean, not to say that I didn't love the speech, but I feel like our generation is growing up in a time that normalizes tragic things like bombings, shootouts at the mall or school, and even suicide amongst ourselves and strangers." Jamie shrugged his shoulder at his own thoughts he shared with me as we walked through J-wing. 

People filled the school halls like thoughts filled my head as we poured out of the auditorium to our respective locations. My anxiety started nipping at me as we passed the faces of too many to count which turned into nothing more than a blur in my line of vision.

"We just don't react to things like that anymore and that in itself is depressing." He shook his head next to me as I consciously felt my teeth tearing at my cheek again. "At the end of the day, we really are just a bunch of depressed kids telling other depressed kids that it's okay to be depressed and suicide is not the answer. I mean, maybe trying to tell other kids that taking their own life is not the answer, is our own way of trying to convince ourselves that suicide is not an option." His dark blue eyes looked up at mine, seemingly looking for some type of backup on his theory.

"Yeah no definitely." I nodded looking back out at the backs of the students walking ahead of us to their own classes. After the speech with Mr. rainbows and unicorns, Keaton was nowhere to be found and I had yet to see him pass us on the way to class. Maybe he took a long way or used the restroom but he would have said something to me. 

When Sam retold his living nightmare I failed to find Keaton's reaction amongst the sea of faces in the sitting crowd but something told me it had to do with that, seeing as that was the only thing that took me by surprise and we openly talk about mental health at home, occasionally bringing up the topic of depression.

"-rew. Andrew!" My body flinched back with my feet coming to a halt at the fingers snapping so close to my face. "I'm talking to you where are you going up there?" His finger tapped my temple as his own feet came to a stop to stand in front of me.

"Don't snap your fingers in my face asshole." I snapped back, my brows furrowed in annoyance at his snappy gesture but my irritation at the closeness only topped his own irritation at my blatant disinterest in topic, more concerned about Keaton's whereabouts. 

His eyes softened for a moment before he looked down at his feet, guilt coming off of him in waves. Jamie didn't know what exactly happened to me but he knew enough to know I wasn't a huge fan of being touched without me really having to tell him. On the second day of us being friends, he flat out asked me if I'd been abused before, as a joke, but my silence answered enough.

"Listen I'm not going to class, I'm gonna be late I just- I got a bad feeling about something and I gotta check it out." He looked up at me, guilt pooling his already stormy ocean eyes, sensing my need to leave even if it had nothing to do with him. "I'll catch you later okay?" He threw me a weak smile, taking in the silence to watch me a second longer. I nodded my head and bolted back to the auditorium, feeling Jamies gaze on my back as I slipped around the corner of the hall. 

My feet skidded down the hall, warry of the other people surrounding me as I passed. I weaved in and out of crowds being extra cautious not to touch them and throwing myself into a greater panic. Inside my chest, I could feel the anxiety build up like the blood my heart pumped as I ran, an urk in the back of my head giving me the sensation that something was wrong.

I could feel kids watching me as I sped through the corridors, two lefts and a right later bringing me straight to the double doors leading to the entrance of the auditorium. My eyes scanned as I can to a stop, my body pulling me inside a few more steps to only see empty chairs and a lonely stage.

Reaching up, my fingers itched my head in the spot that urked me in an attempt to soothe the knot but it wouldn't go. I felt butterflies in my stomach but not the good kind, these were the kind that made you want to throw up. Maybe I wasn't looking in the right place but even then where else would he go? He wasn't too much of a fan of school but he showed up and did his best to keep up his grades, he would never skip. 

I turned to make my way out the door before I heard a huge uproar of laughter come from behind the stage, both sounding warm and throaty. Despite the curtains being all the way down, through the bottom I could see the feet of two people, both of whom I could only assume to be men. My feet dragged me to the stage, a second of thought before I hauled myself to stand on it, inching closer and closer to the curtain to take a peek to quench curiosity. 

I glanced behind me to be sure no one was watching since this was beginning to feel like it was against the rules and the last thing I needed to do was end up in detention, before quietly reaching up and slowly cracking a break in the curtain with a tiny pull. The anxiety coursed through me as my hands started to shake and sweat beads started to line my forehead. The stage lights behind me flowed in through the crack giving me away, but also lighting up the faces of those who stood there.

Both men ceased all laughing looking over at me, only one recognizing me. There behind the curtain stood the asshole I was looking for, along with none other than Mr. rainbows and unicorns standing about a foot taller than Keaton just as I imagined.

"Um, Andrew, what are you doing back here?" His head tilted quizically.

"Oh excuse me for rudely interrupting, I could be asking you the same as well." I snapped at his question. Only as soon as I said it with such a biting tone did I realize I not only spoke to Keaton like that but also in front of a stranger. My eyes hit the ground and my teeth took a hold of my cheek flesh as I felt the embarrassment spread across my face. "Shit, um I mean I'm sorry I-"

"No, it's okay," My eyes snapped up to see his hand held out as if to stop me. "You're fine I should have said something I forget that you worry." He reasoned to regard my attitude with a soothing voice. He swatted his hand towards himself, gesturing for me to come closer. My head said 'fuck no' due to Sam being so close by but I managed to will my feet to cooperate and satisfy Keaton's wish. 

"Sam this is Andrew, a friend of mine staying at the house with me. He's a little shy so don't get ahead of yourself." Keaton winked at his horrid attempt at a joke but Sam chuckled, looking down at me as if I was nothing but a fragile teenager in need of repair with ugly pity filling his sight. Sam held his hand out for me to shake but I remained with my hands in my pockets, the last thing I needed was a stranger pitying me. I don't need help from anyone and I am fully capable of taking care of myself. 

Sam gave me a weak smile before retreating his hand back and straightening his posture just to seem that much taller. I could feel Keaton tense next to me.

"Andrew don't be rude," Keaton started, his eyes glaring down at the side of my head.

"No no, it's quite all right I take no offense. He is asserting his independence towards me and there is nothing wrong with that." Sam stated to Keaton, placing a hand on his shoulder to assure him but that was only pissing me off further. My tongue flickered over the scabs inside my cheek as my eyes rested on Sam's hand that was unmoving on Keaton's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. The same placid smile from his first appearance on Sam's lips, as he looked down at me, forced that urk in the back of my head to hit me again full force.

"On the contrary, the offense was quite my intention." I bit out, turning on my heel at Keaton's irritating trance with this annoying stranger and their closeness behind these drawn curtains as they laughed heartily before my appearance. That jerk had me so worried for not showing up to class just so he could fool around with Mr. I shit rainbows. I could hear Keaton call after me weakly but I shook my head and hopped off the stage, running to a class I was now late for and would most likely be reprimanded for at the end of school.

My heart hurt and my eyes burned but I couldn't tell why. I didn't understand this feeling of betrayal as I quickly scurried through the halls. Keaton hadn't betrayed me seeing he was only talking to a friend even if Sam gave me a bad feeling. I turned the corner walking right into another student landing us both on the floor.

"Holy shit ow-"

I could hear but my eyes were still closed, only opening to peer across the floor from me when I could breathe again. I propped myself on my elbows to see a boy with shaggy black curls and an array of piercings dusting his already natural features. He wore all black with combat boots that most likely gave him an extra two inches to his already tall stature. 

"I am so fucking sorry sir."

"Ew, um no I'm sorry, please don't ever embarrass yourself again by calling me, sir. Ever again." He answered with a tight lip and awkward eyes, his hands reaching back to run through his curly locks. I was stunned to be corrected and felt the irritation at it bubble but decided to bite my tongue instead of taking back my apology. 

"Sure dude, I got to go, my bad for running into you but I'm late for class." I rushed out, getting up on my feet and grabbing my bag before passing him while he stayed sitting on the floor.

I high-tailed it for my classroom begging the gods to let me finish today with peace and quiet and no more people fucking up my chi. I took a deep breath in and out as I stopped in front of my classroom door and repeated the only thing I felt certain of despite the urk in my head and burn in my heart.

Jesus was a jew.