Áesta looks happy.
It’s something Jarl notices as he stands out in the cold, wind nipping at the bits of his skin still exposed, and gets over the humane horror that is watching someone—anyone—chose to eat and put in their body… THAT.
JAM on SUGAR.
A shudder of revulsion moves throughout his body, meeting and melding with a shiver from the bitter cold, and reminds Jarl of where he is: standing outside of a souvenir store in snowy weather.
~
The warmth of Mademoiselle Grape’s tower would be wonderful right now.
Jarl remembers it from before (not hard as it was only a few hours ago): full, encompassing, and wholesome. He can feel the tips of his fingers tingle in memory (or maybe that’s just the beginnings of frostbite…) and immediately shoves them back into his new coat’s pockets, gloves and all.
(Maybe he should have gotten a warmer pair of those, as well.)
He does this, of course, without knocking first.
Or indicating, in any way, that he’s here: standing outside the store, in the searing cold, watching the shop take on the feeling of home; complete with welcoming company, wonderful coziness, and warm continuances. Everything that makes him want to go inside—makes him think of his own home in Shantown and the wonderfully welcoming warmth of his own church. His second home.
Why doesn’t he go in, then?
Because he’s scared.
~
Back in Shantown, he’s dealt with people who don’t feel like his church is their home.
The main culprits (so to speak—jokingly, of course) of this are the youth: people whom are young and lost and don’t really understand the scriptures or what they intend to bring into their lives. These are the kids and the young adults and the new group being called teenagers; those that didn’t care or pay enough attention during Sunday school and have been told too many times that God will never forgive them.
He often gets asked: So, why should we bother?
And he often replies to them: You don’t have to; but you are always welcome to make here your home, too. Because, as someone who’s lost his parents, been forced to become one far too soon, and felt abandoned—by many but mostly his parents and God—Jarl knows how important it is to feel like one belongs/has a home.
And he’s learned that alienating people—especially young people—with threats about behaving don’t work: that just makes them lash out more in a desperate attempt at getting you to prove that you care.
He knows this because he’s BEEN there. He’s done that.
He lashed out.
At God, the world, his parents… He lashed out at Father Liam, Manus, and even Jasey.
Father Liam’s gentle acceptance of his anger, hurt, and confusion was what led him to become a priest, himself; hoping to one day bring that same support to someone else suffering from loss and abandonment.
He’s, since then, fought tirelessly to make his church feel that warm and welcoming to others struggling. Whether they’re young or old (because some people who grew up with Father Liam didn’t like him leaving and certainly didn’t like the young new priest even if Liam, himself, recommended Jarl), he wanted them ALL to feel at home in his church so they could understand each other as a type of family and never be alone again.
He thinks he’s succeeded—beyond a few young stragglers here and there.
And it’s why he can’t bring himself to enter the Tower.
~
Mademoiselle Grape’s Tower is not a church.
Never mind that it’s not HIS church.
It’s… a winery and a souvenir shop.
He doesn’t belong there.
~
The proof is in Áesta.
In his smile, his laugh, the crinkling in the corner of his eyes that he’s only seen ONCE.
Because he’s never seen Áesta this happy.
He’s never seen Áesta at home.
~
He looks different here.
Happy and comfortable. Not having to be alluring for a meal. Not having to worry about crucifixes or priests or being sold to someone he might not even want to be involved with…
Doing things he might not actually be interested in...
It’s in that moment that Jarl realizes: he’s never seen Áesta this happy because even Manus betrayed him—sold him out to Jarl for the purpose of having a better way of saving Jasey. Jasey for the price of Áesta.
A love for the price of a friend.
Jarl winces. He remembers his conversations with Gina and Manus and Tanin Jr, now, about abused mages, and realizes that they might not be the only ones being abused. Daemons might be, too.
And he wonders, yet again, who’s the real evil one in all of this?
Kane… or his summoner?
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