Chapter 20

Jeremiah instantly leaves his brother’s room, and silence falls over Chester and me. I need to express my thoughts to him, but I honestly have no idea how to even go about that.

“I’m really sorry. Please tell me I haven’t fucked up our friendship? I wasn’t even ever going to let you know about my feelings but then I just couldn’t stop myself and I-“ Chester rambles on and on, and I don’t even catch most of it. All I’m aware of is his body language, curled in on itself and anxious, and then there’s his expression…Chester looks really upset.

“It’s ok. I’m not upset,” I eventually cut him off, standing up and moving a little closer to him. Chester glances up for a fraction of a second, barely meeting my eyes before going back to looking anxious. 

He already had his moment of bravery. Now it’s my turn.

Tentatively reaching out, I place my hand on Chester’s shoulder in a way that hopefully doesn’t come across as too bro-y. No way in hell am I going to bro-zone Chester.

He finally looks up long enough for our gazes to meet properly, and his expression cracks slightly. “I- I know that a relationship isn’t something you’re- you’re ready for just yet, so I was going to- I was going to just wait until things settled down, and then maybe say something, but I just- I really like you, Avi,” Chester lets out a sigh, chewing on his lips.

Doing the one thing I can think of, I bring him into my chest for a tight hug. Feeling arms instantly go up to hug me back, I start to relax a little.

“You’re right. I’m not quite ready for a relationship yet, because I’m still kind of…working through a lot, and I don’t want to put that on you to have to deal with. It’s easier to keep you away from the worst of it while we’re just friends, and then leave all the ugly stuff for me to sort through alone,” I start, but Chester speaks before I can get to my main point. “You don’t have to keep me away from any of it, Avi. I’m not going to think of you any differently, and although I’m not an expert like Amelia, I do- I do know how to deal with some of it. I’d rather know we have each other’s backs, than wonder about if you’re struggling alone.”

How is he so wonderful? How is Chester everything I’ve always wanted? I just- I want someone who can deal with my shit- not that they should, or that I would make them, but…someone who isn’t going to get tired of me when I eventually have a breakdown, or when I simply just can’t get up one day. 

I just want someone who understands, and thinks that I’m worth it anyway.

“I’m always, always here for you, Avi. No matter what.”

Hot tears well up in my eyes, and for once I let them fall. Clutching Chester more tightly to me, I let out a shuddering breath before pulling back to wipe my tears away. Chester catches my hands, smiling softly as he smooths his fingertips across my cheeks, brushing the tears away like they were never even there.

“What I was- what I was trying to say,” I begin again after taking a few deep breaths, my hands still being held by Chester, “is that I’m not ready for a relationship just yet. But I’m doing a lot better, so if you would- if you’d be willing to take things slow- really slow, then…maybe we could…go on a date?” My face feels hot and whether it’s with embarrassment or possibly more tears, I’m not entirely sure.

But Chester’s smile is worth whatever it is I’m feeling. He instantly nods, pulling me back into another hug and letting out a small laugh. “Oh man. I’m so fucking- I don’t even know the word for it. Stoked, I guess?” Chester frowns against my shirt, but doesn’t release me from the hug. Not that I’d even want him to, anyway.

“Well I’m glad you’re ‘stoked’ about being asked on a date,” I find myself laughing slightly, before an idea occurs to me. “Um. Totally okay if not, but uh. Since you got to kiss my cheek, I don’t suppose…” I drift off, suddenly getting too nervous to finish the sentence. But Chester pulls back from the hug, beaming as he reaches up to stroke my cheek, right where he kissed me.

“I would love a kiss on the cheek, Avi,” he says enthusiastically in a goddamn adorable way, making my heart do a slight flip in my chest. Clearing my throat, I lean down slightly, taking a few deep breaths before attempting to kiss Chester on the cheek. 

It doesn’t go well.

I bump my nose into his cheekbone and purse my lips so much that it probably felt like a butthole  rather than a kiss.

My face gets even pinker and embarrassment literally consumes me.

“I’m so sorry that was awful, I’ve never kissed someone on the cheek before,” I admit, pulling back and hiding my face in my hands. Chester just laughs brightly, moving my hands away from my face and shaking his head. 

“Well I really liked it, and I’m honoured to have your first ever cheek kiss,” he teases gently, threading his fingers with mine.

And we’re holding hands.

We’re holding hands.

Staring down at our joined hands, I let out a frustrated groan and shut my eyes. I should’ve just asked if I could kiss him!!! Or would that be going too fast? Probably, I mean we haven’t even gone on a date yet. But it doesn’t feel too fast, and I’m surprisingly comfortable with the idea, so if Chester is as well, then…

He lets out a long sigh, bringing our joined hands up to his lips and placing a light kiss on the back of my hand. His lip piercing feels oddly nice - I wonder what it’d feel like when kissing him? No, stop it. I need to get a hold of myself, clearly.

“Y’know I really want to kiss you, Avi. That’s definitely going too fast though isn’t it?” He asks sheepishly, smiling a little awkwardly. And then I’m shaking my head adamantly before I’m even aware of what I’m doing.

“Maybe, but I um. I kind of really want to, too.”

Chester laughs, giving my hand a squeeze. “Are you sure? I really don’t want to rush things, I mean we have literally all the time in the world…” he fades off, nibbling on his lips again.

And I give it a long think, this time. We do have all the time in the world, and it sounds as though Chester is more than happy to wait for me, but on the other hand…I really want to kiss him. Maybe I’m just being horny??? No, not this time. I think I just…

Really like him.

“I’m sure. Are you sure?” I say much more confidently than basically anything I’ve ever said before. Chester grins, suddenly standing on his tiptoes as he snakes an arm around my neck. Now, I’ve never kissed someone before. I have absolutely no idea about what to do, so it’s a bloody good thing that apparently Chester is a phenomenal kisser. Or maybe I’ve just never been kissed so I have nothing to compare it to, but still. Feels pretty incredible either way.

When Chester presses his lips to mine, it’s just really, really nice. And I kind of never want to stop, when Chester slowly starts to move his mouth, and we properly kiss rather than just a peck on the lips. His fingers slip up into my hair, and my hands hover all around Chester awkwardly as I try and figure out what’s a normal thing to do in this situation. But Chester just keeps kissing me for what feels like a lovely, long moment, until a faint sound comes from downstairs and he suddenly pulls back from me, looking slightly giddy.

“Mom’s home. We should probably um. Go say hi,” he says, looking a little breathless. I’ve definitely forgotten how to breathe, anyway. Nodding mutely, I quickly take Chester’s hand when he holds it out to me, a shy smile on his lips.

His lips that were just on my lips, that were incredible and lovely and he is just the most sweet and relaxing person I’ve ever-

“Earth to Avi? Did I break your mind with that little kiss?” Chester teases, and I nod mutely again, before realising that some kind of communication right now would be ideal.

“That- nice. Really nice. Thanks. Um.” 

Communication: definitely not my strongest point when I can’t even get properly formed sentences out.

Chester looks at me so fondly for a moment that I think my heart might burst, before he pecks me on the lips and drags me out of his bedroom to go say hello to his mother.

And today I really just thought we were going to do some revision together.